Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Should I Cook?If You’re Worried About the CostDealing With NervesIf You’re Embarrassed By Your HomeWhat to Talk About When You Don’t Know What to Talk AboutWinding Down the EveningNext in Dinner Party GuideDinner Parties Are In for 2025, And They’re Essential to Easing Our Crisis of Connection

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Should I Cook?

If You’re Worried About the Cost

Dealing With Nerves

If You’re Embarrassed By Your Home

What to Talk About When You Don’t Know What to Talk About

Winding Down the Evening

Next in Dinner Party Guide

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To so many of us, the proverbial dinner party exists as a flawlessly executed affair, our minds full of images of vintage holiday soirées or gatherings at the most impressive house on the block. Don’t worry—this is not that. This isn’t a 1950s guide to being the perfect host, it’s about embracing connection and setting yourself up for an evening to remember,withoutstress orperfectionism.

As basic as it may seem, welcoming people into your home and sharing food you’ve made with them is one of the easiest ways to strengthen friendships and community—two of the most essential building blocks of mental health.

The only challenge is getting over the hurdle, which is you talking yourself out of giving it a try. If you’ve finally stoppedoverthinkingand have decided to host a dinner party, bravo! Now, where to begin?

Some of it might be obvious: find a recipe, do yourgrocery shopping, text your friends, but you might be surprised how many littlestressorsadd up when you’re planning a big event.

What if I forget that two of my friends are gluten-intolerant, and then I overcook the lasagna and suddenly I’m anxiety spiraling because my reputation as a host is damaged for good?

We all think in extremes like this, especially the perfectionisticpeople-pleasersamong us (read: me) but what we have to remember is that people are far more forgiving and compassionate than we give them credit for. So we need to try and be a littlemore compassionatetowards ourselves as well.

“Remember that your friends, ultimately, will just be happy to spend time with you,” reminds Hannah Owens, LMSW. “You are sure to be harder on yourself than your friends ever would be!”

In this article I’m going to answer, to the best of my ability and with the help of some esteemed experts, all your questions about throwing a dinner party when you’re dealing with anxiety.

You’re giving back to people you love—and that shouldn’t mean creating so much stress for yourself that it detracts from the experience of the party as a whole.

If you’re reading this guide, I won’t assume you’re abadcook, but maybe you aren’t the most confident when it comes to cooking for a bunch of people. This is one of the most anxiety-inducing aspects of throwing a party because we feel the food we present is a reflection of ourselves. In some ways it is, but its not the food itself as much as the intentionality that went into it.

Your level of culinary expertise won’t prevent you from impressing your friends, as long as you don’t forget to ask if people have any allergies or food restrictions!

Cook What You Know

That might be grandma’s famous bolognese sauce, a simple but delicious roast chicken, or even your favorite Trader Joe’s raviolis with your signature Caesar salad!

Chadwick Boyd, television personality and esteemed dinner party host shares his tips, “For any meal when entertaining, I believe you need something fresh and crunchy. So, making a very simple salad with bright leafy greens is ideal. You can easily use a bag of wild arugula, too. Just use two of them instead of one. The quantity fluffed up and tossed in a great vinaigrette in a beautiful bowl is stunning.”

He also sings the praises of an easy homemade vinaigrette, “all it takes is four ingredients shaken in a little jar, and it makes you feel so successful because you made it yourself. When you shake a homemade dressing in front of your guests and pour it over the salad and toss, your guests will be impressed and feel cared for.

It’s always a safe bet to ask guests to bring wine, or a side dish to the party—even if it’s not explicitly a potluck. This strategy can help cut down on cost and stress of preparation.

Prep, Prep, Prep

Encourage Group Participation

Delegating tasks fostersprosocial behaviorand teamwork, which are essential to community building. Sitting down at a table and not needing to lift a finger is for restaurants—at a dinner party, supporting the chef is highly encouraged.

There’s always a funny psychological paradox that happens in these situations because we worry about asking our guests to do too much when we think they should be relaxing and enjoying the party, when in realitypeopleloveto feel helpful, so if you’re someone who gets anxious about that, this is a good time to get over it.

“I guarantee your friends don’t want to see you slaving away in the kitchen for them all night,” says Owens. “They want to spend time with you and help you—so don’t be afraid to ask.”

If you’re worried about it costing a lot of money to feed multiple people, you have a couple of options. You may consider asking people to Venmo you $10-15 to pitch in. This has become widely accepted as everyone knows the cost of food is astronomical these days. If that makes you uncomfortable or anxious, you can also ask guests to bring something like wine or dessert.

You might also choose to cook foods that are in season because they’re cheaper, or you could make the event more of a full fledged potluck and only commit to making the main dish while your guests help fill out the menu. The food is important to a dinner party, but bringing people together is what we’re emphasizing here.

If You’re Feeling Nervous About Inviting People

I’m worried I don’t have enough friends. I don’t think people like me enough to come over. Everyone probably has other events to go to that night, why even bother?

Statements like these probably play over and over in your head when planning a gathering, it’s totally normal! But you shouldn’t let that littleanxietygremlin on your shoulder stop you from having a good time. Trust me, anyone you invite will be thrilled to attend your dinner party, and even if they genuinely are busy they’ll surely remember the kind gesture you extended.

“Quality is what’s important here, not quantity,” says Owens. “Even if only a few friends are able to make it, that just means you can give each of them more individual attention, instead of having to juggle interacting with a whole bunch of people. That’s the bright side to a smaller party!”

Another idea—If you’re worried about who to invite you can also tell your friends to bring a friend they think you’d get along with. So if you feel like you only have 3 close friends to invite, that easily becomes a party of 6 or 8 depending on if they bring their partners as well.

My Favorite Dinner Party AlbumsNo dinner party is complete without music to set the vibes right. Here are some albums worth queueing up:Con Todo El Mundo: KhruangbinGetz/Gilberto: Stan Getz / Joao GilbertoTime Out: Dave Bruebeck QuartetBuena Vista Social Club: Buena Vista Social ClubLeon Bridges: Coming HomeRumors: Fleetwood MacBack to Black: Amy WinehouseBlue Train: John ColtraneThe Greatest: Cat PowerBloom: Beach HouseThe Life Aquatic Studio Sessions: Seu JorgeAja: Steely DanWede Harer Guzo: Hailu MergiaLet it Die: FeistMelody A.M.: Röyksopp

My Favorite Dinner Party Albums

No dinner party is complete without music to set the vibes right. Here are some albums worth queueing up:Con Todo El Mundo: KhruangbinGetz/Gilberto: Stan Getz / Joao GilbertoTime Out: Dave Bruebeck QuartetBuena Vista Social Club: Buena Vista Social ClubLeon Bridges: Coming HomeRumors: Fleetwood MacBack to Black: Amy WinehouseBlue Train: John ColtraneThe Greatest: Cat PowerBloom: Beach HouseThe Life Aquatic Studio Sessions: Seu JorgeAja: Steely DanWede Harer Guzo: Hailu MergiaLet it Die: FeistMelody A.M.: Röyksopp

No dinner party is complete without music to set the vibes right. Here are some albums worth queueing up:

If You’re Nervous What People Will Think of Your Home

I always feel anxious about having new people over at my house. It’s a really intimate thing, and there’s always some part of my brain that’s worried I’m going to be judged because I don’t live in a perfect, smudge-free Williams-Sonoma catalog.—MARGARET EBY

I always feel anxious about having new people over at my house. It’s a really intimate thing, and there’s always some part of my brain that’s worried I’m going to be judged because I don’t live in a perfect, smudge-free Williams-Sonoma catalog.

—MARGARET EBY

Another secret mental health benefit to inviting people your house is that it can really motivate you to do that big clean you’ve been putting off. Youtell yourselfyou’re tidying up for your guests but, long-term, you’ll get a lot more out of it than they will.

The nice thing about dinner parties is there is less room for the sort of small talk drudgery you’re likely to encounter at the office holiday party or your brother’s girlfriend’s birthday party. But there’s always a chance youonly know the host of the partyor get seated next to someone you genuinely feel you have nothing in common with. Don’t let this throw you into a panic that the whole evening will beawkward.

Take a deep breath! Now is the time to flex those conversational muscles.

One of my favorite parts of any dinner party is the meandering hour (or hours!) after the food has been consumed where everyone lingers around the table, happy, full, and sometimes tipsy—it’s where some of the best conversations and connections occur.

Even if there are a million dishes in the sink and wine stains soaking into your favorite tablecloth, lean into these moments and don’t rush to the end of the evening. Let those memories of laughter and honesty really soak in.

And when the time to start cleaning does finally arrive, don’t shy away from assistance. Hosting a party can make you feel like you’re supposed to do everything, but, “Your friends definitely don’t want to just sit there while you clean up around them,” assures Owens. “That would actually make most people feel uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to ask someone to help you clear the table or do some of the dishes. And it doesn’t have to be a big thing—just casually saying, ‘Hey, could you grab that for me?’ lets people know how they can help.”

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