Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns You’re Treating Your Partner Like a ChildWhy It HappensHow to Stop Parenting Your PartnerHow to Respond

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs You’re Treating Your Partner Like a Child

Why It Happens

How to Stop Parenting Your Partner

How to Respond

Close

Putting yourself in the role of “parent” and your partner in the role of “child” is demeaning and can actually be counterproductive. Your partner might come to resent you for taking on a controlling role in your relationship. This can cause serious damage to your marriage.

At at GlanceTreating your partner like a child can involve doing things that your partner can do themself, shielding them from the consequences of their actions, and attending to their every need. It can seriously hurt your relationship, and may make your partner feel helpless, bitter, or resentful. Instead of treating them like a child, it’s important to show acceptance and respect as you treat your partner like an equal.

At at Glance

Treating your partner like a child can involve doing things that your partner can do themself, shielding them from the consequences of their actions, and attending to their every need. It can seriously hurt your relationship, and may make your partner feel helpless, bitter, or resentful. Instead of treating them like a child, it’s important to show acceptance and respect as you treat your partner like an equal.

There are some behaviors that are appropriate in your interactions with your kids, but not with your mate. You might not realize that you are even doing these things, let alone how they might feel to your partner.

If you get in the habit of doing these things when you have children, it’s important to remember the difference in your relationship with them and your mate.

Some behaviors are more obvious or egregious than others, but they all show a lack of respect for your partner as an adult and for your equality in the relationship.

Effects of Treating Someone Like a ChildThese behaviors can have a serious impact on a person’s well-being andself-esteem. Research has shown that infantilizing people hurts people’s self-confidence and self-image.Treating someone like a child can result in self-doubt, an inability to make decisions,identify problems, and problems with commitment.

Effects of Treating Someone Like a Child

These behaviors can have a serious impact on a person’s well-being andself-esteem. Research has shown that infantilizing people hurts people’s self-confidence and self-image.Treating someone like a child can result in self-doubt, an inability to make decisions,identify problems, and problems with commitment.

Why People Treat Their Partner Like a Child

There are a number of reasons why a person might treat their partner like a child:

It doesn’t make any difference if your partner doesn’t get up on time, has horrible taste in clothes, forgets appointments or takes pills, loses the car keys, or never picks things up. If you parent your partner, you are actually showing them a lack of acceptance and alack of respect.

If you have animmature or irresponsiblepartner, you might need to repeat this mantra to yourself often:I am their partner, not their parent.

Once you identify the pattern, it might help to seekcounseling as a coupleto work on resolving it together.

Infantilization in Your Relationships

Showing concern and caring for your partner is normal and expected in a healthy relationship. The point where you cross the line into a parenting role is where the nurturing ends andparentingbegins.

Once you have identified the parenting behaviors you are displaying, there are some steps you can take to correct them.

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What to Do If Your Partner Treats You Like a Child

If you’re partner is the one treating you like a child, there are a number of steps you can take to address the problem:

Have a Conversation

Set Boundaries

Talk about the type ofboundaries you have in your relationship. Boundaries are important because they help promote respect, establish clear expectations, and prevent manipulation. Explain what you find acceptable and what should happen if those boundaries are violated.

Consider Your Options

If your spouse treats you like a child and also engages in other controlling or abusive behaviors, it’s important to evaluate the situation and determine your next steps.

Some behaviors, like separating you from your social support or controlling your access to money, are signs of more serious problems. Talk to a safe person outside of the relationship, such as a therapist or friend, and then make a plan for how to exit the relationship safely.

Takeaway

If you become aware of your parenting behavior but still can’t stop, there might be dysfunction in your relationship that could benefit from professional help. Going to counseling as a couple can help you both recognize the problem and address the negative impact it is having on your relationship.

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3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Vielma-Aguilera A, Bustos C, Saldivia S, Grandón P.Psychometric properties of the attitudes scale of health care professionals’ toward people with a diagnosis of mental illness (EAPS-TM).Current Psychology. Published online June 2, 2021. doi:10.1007/s12144-021-01911-4

California Department of Social Services.Bettering your relationships.

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