Why You Might Cry During Sex

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsReasons for CryingIf You Cry During SexIf Your Partner Cries

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Reasons for Crying

If You Cry During Sex

If Your Partner Cries

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The first thing you should know if you’ve ever found yourself in that situation is that, while it could feel moderately embarrassing, crying during sex is typically nothing to worry about. That said, it can help to understand why this happens and how to prevent it from happening again if that’s what you want. Here’s what you need to know.

Reasons for Crying During Sex

If you’ve ever cried during sex or had a partner cry, the immediate question you might ask yourself is “Why?"—especially if it seems like the tears have come out of nowhere. These are a few potential reasons to consider.

While crying is most commonly associated with sadness, many emotions could cause someone to cry during sex, from happiness to frustration.

You Are in Unwanted Pain

If you experience unwanted pain and discomfort during sex, you may begin to cry. Sex should never be painful in an undesired, uncomfortable way. Pain during sex, also known asdyspareunia, can be the result of an infection, an injury, or because there’s a lack of lubrication.

Women with a condition called vaginismus also often feel pain during sex. Vaginismus is a condition that causes vaginal muscles to tighten involuntarily, making it difficult for women to have penetrative sex. It can be treated with various types of therapy, includingcognitive behavioral therapyandsex therapy.

To address crying during sex due to pain, inform your partner immediately that you are in pain and either stop completely or slow things down significantly. Only proceed with consent, care, and clear communication.

You Are Sad or Depressed

If you’ve beenfeeling sad or depressed, these emotions don’t go away during sex, even though sex is meant to be a pleasurable activity. So, you might find yourself suddenly crying during random moments in your day, which could include when you’re having sex.

Seeking treatment can help you start to feel better.Depression treatmentcan involve medication, therapy, or a combination of both. Talking to your healthcare provider or a mental health professional is a good first step to getting help.

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We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

You Are Happy

Believe it or not, you might cry during sex simply because you are overwhelmingly happy. This might be because you are having sex with a partner you love deeply or really enjoy sex with them. So, don’t hold back and let the tears flow if you find yourself crying because you are so ecstatic.

This can be an intimate bonding moment between you and your partner. It’sessential to communicatethat you are crying because you are just so happy so that you don’t alarm your partner.

You Are Ashamed of Having Sex

Some people have reservations about sex, causing them to cry during the act. This occurs mainlywhen the sex is outside of a committed partnershipor marriage. Some people cry because they view sex as a dirty act.

If you think of sex as a shameful act, unlearning these sentiments can help you have and enjoy sex comfortably. And if you have any reservations about having sex with a particular person or in a specific situation, hold off until these feelings have been resolved so you can feel more comfortable during sex.

You’ve Just Had an Orgasm

Some people find that every time they orgasm, they cry a little.Orgasm is an intense bodily reactionto pleasure when having sex.

In a 2017 study, researchers found that people experience a wide range of emotions after orgasm, from crying to sneezing to having panic attacks. It’s known as a “peri-orgasmic phenomena” and is rare.

You Feel Overwhelmed

If work, life, or any other personal issues overwhelm you, this could affect you during sex. When having sex, your body is steadily releasing a cocktail of hormones. If you combine the surge of hormones with stress or anxiety, you might cry.

Some people also have a condition calledsexual performance anxietythat could cause them to cry during sex. Research shows that the disorder affects 9% to 25% of men and 6% to 16% of women.

You Are Dealing With Unresolved Trauma

If you’ve been sexually or emotionally abused in the past, this could cause trauma. Having lived through sexual trauma can make having and enjoying sex after the incident complicated, especially if you have yet toheal from your trauma.

You Have Postcoital Dysphoria

Postcoital dysphoriais a condition that causes intense feelings of sadness in women after having sex. In a 2015 study, researchers found that about 46% of participants had experienced postcoital dysphoria at least once in their lives.

If you have this condition, you might suddenly cry after having sex or during sex, even if you enjoyed it. In some cases, you might even get into a fight with your partner for no apparent reason during sex.

Why Sexual Aftercare Is So Important and How to Practice It

You Are Unhappy With Your Partner

Crying during sex could be a sign ofissues in your relationship. If you’ve been going through emotional issues with your partner or harboring thoughts of splitting up, it can all come to a head during sex.

If this is the case, it’s important to discuss this with your partner. This enables you both to decide whether to work on repairing the relationship orgoing your separate ways.

What to Do If You’re Unhappy In Your Relationship

You’re Experiencing Hormonal Changes

If you are experiencing other conditions likepremenstrual syndrome(PMS),pregnancy,menopause,or if you areundergoing fertility treatment,your body is going through hormonal changes that may cause you to cry during sex as well.

You Are Fully Present

You might cry during sex whenyou are completely presentand in the moment. Sometimes, being in the moment creates space for other feelings to arise, especially feelings we may have avoided, numbed, or repressed. Sex can trigger the release of all kinds of emotions.

So You Cried During Sex, What Now?

What you do next typically depends on the reason you are crying. For instance, if you are in pain, you should immediately stop having sex and figure out why. If you can’t identify what’s causing your pain, a healthcare provider can help you determine the cause.

If you are crying for any other reason, communicate with your partner so you can find the root of it together. Seeking a therapist can also help.

How to Respond to a Partner Crying During Sex

Having a partner suddenly burst into tears during or after sex can be surprising. It could also cause you to either feel guilty, worried, or anxious about the well-being of your partner.

The most important thing to do is to have a conversation about it. Don’t move past it as if nothing happened. Sometimes, your partner crying during sex could hint at emotional issues or reservations they might have about your relationship.

Clarify that you understand andempathize with their feelingsand ask them how you can help. It’s essential not to hurry into resuming sex or any sexual activity until you feel you’ve both come to a complete resolution about the matter.

In addition to having a conversation about why the crying is happening:

Instead of going into logical problem-solving mode, it can be helpful to meet and to be present with what is instead of immediately trying to diagnose it.

Takeaways

There are many reasons for crying during sex. You should know that it’s nothing to worry about, and in some instances, it can even be an indicator that you have a healthy and loving relationship with your partner.

However, if you frequently cry during sex and can’t seem to figure out why, you might need to speak to a psychotherapist orsex therapistabout it. You could either do this with your partner or alone.

7 Things to Do if You Feel Emotional

10 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Cleveland Clinic.Dyspareunia (painful intercourse).Cleveland Clinic.Vaginismus.Reinert AE, Simon JA. “Did you climax or are you just laughing at me? ” rare phenomena associated with orgasm.Sex Med Rev.2017;5(3):275-281. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2017.03.004Pyke RE.Sexual performance anxiety.Sex Med Rev.2020;8(2):183-190. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2019.07.001Schweitzer RD, O’Brien J, Burri A.Postcoital dysphoria: prevalence and psychological correlates.Sex Med.2015;3(4):235-243. doi:10.1002/sm2.74Coria-Avila GA, Herrera-Covarrubias D, Ismail N, Pfaus JG.The role of orgasm in the development and shaping of partner preferences.Socioaffect Neurosci Psychol. 2016;6:31815. doi:10.3402/snp.v6.31815Ilhan G, Verit Atmaca FV, Kurek Eken M, Akyol H.Premenstrual syndrome is associated with a higher frequency of female sexual difficulty and sexual distress.J Sex Marital Ther. 2017;43(8):811-821. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2017.1305030Harvard Health Publishing.Depression during pregnancy and after.Dalal PK, Agarwal M.Postmenopausal syndrome.Indian J Psychiatry. 2015;57(Suppl 2):S222-S232. doi:10.4103/0019-5545.161483An Y, Sun Z, Li L, Zhang Y, Ji H.Relationship between psychological stress and reproductive outcome in women undergoing in vitro fertilization treatment: psychological and neurohormonal assessment.J Assist Reprod Genet. 2013;30(1):35-41. doi:10.1007/s10815-012-9904-x

10 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Cleveland Clinic.Dyspareunia (painful intercourse).Cleveland Clinic.Vaginismus.Reinert AE, Simon JA. “Did you climax or are you just laughing at me? ” rare phenomena associated with orgasm.Sex Med Rev.2017;5(3):275-281. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2017.03.004Pyke RE.Sexual performance anxiety.Sex Med Rev.2020;8(2):183-190. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2019.07.001Schweitzer RD, O’Brien J, Burri A.Postcoital dysphoria: prevalence and psychological correlates.Sex Med.2015;3(4):235-243. doi:10.1002/sm2.74Coria-Avila GA, Herrera-Covarrubias D, Ismail N, Pfaus JG.The role of orgasm in the development and shaping of partner preferences.Socioaffect Neurosci Psychol. 2016;6:31815. doi:10.3402/snp.v6.31815Ilhan G, Verit Atmaca FV, Kurek Eken M, Akyol H.Premenstrual syndrome is associated with a higher frequency of female sexual difficulty and sexual distress.J Sex Marital Ther. 2017;43(8):811-821. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2017.1305030Harvard Health Publishing.Depression during pregnancy and after.Dalal PK, Agarwal M.Postmenopausal syndrome.Indian J Psychiatry. 2015;57(Suppl 2):S222-S232. doi:10.4103/0019-5545.161483An Y, Sun Z, Li L, Zhang Y, Ji H.Relationship between psychological stress and reproductive outcome in women undergoing in vitro fertilization treatment: psychological and neurohormonal assessment.J Assist Reprod Genet. 2013;30(1):35-41. doi:10.1007/s10815-012-9904-x

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Cleveland Clinic.Dyspareunia (painful intercourse).Cleveland Clinic.Vaginismus.Reinert AE, Simon JA. “Did you climax or are you just laughing at me? ” rare phenomena associated with orgasm.Sex Med Rev.2017;5(3):275-281. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2017.03.004Pyke RE.Sexual performance anxiety.Sex Med Rev.2020;8(2):183-190. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2019.07.001Schweitzer RD, O’Brien J, Burri A.Postcoital dysphoria: prevalence and psychological correlates.Sex Med.2015;3(4):235-243. doi:10.1002/sm2.74Coria-Avila GA, Herrera-Covarrubias D, Ismail N, Pfaus JG.The role of orgasm in the development and shaping of partner preferences.Socioaffect Neurosci Psychol. 2016;6:31815. doi:10.3402/snp.v6.31815Ilhan G, Verit Atmaca FV, Kurek Eken M, Akyol H.Premenstrual syndrome is associated with a higher frequency of female sexual difficulty and sexual distress.J Sex Marital Ther. 2017;43(8):811-821. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2017.1305030Harvard Health Publishing.Depression during pregnancy and after.Dalal PK, Agarwal M.Postmenopausal syndrome.Indian J Psychiatry. 2015;57(Suppl 2):S222-S232. doi:10.4103/0019-5545.161483An Y, Sun Z, Li L, Zhang Y, Ji H.Relationship between psychological stress and reproductive outcome in women undergoing in vitro fertilization treatment: psychological and neurohormonal assessment.J Assist Reprod Genet. 2013;30(1):35-41. doi:10.1007/s10815-012-9904-x

Cleveland Clinic.Dyspareunia (painful intercourse).

Cleveland Clinic.Vaginismus.

Reinert AE, Simon JA. “Did you climax or are you just laughing at me? ” rare phenomena associated with orgasm.Sex Med Rev.2017;5(3):275-281. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2017.03.004

Pyke RE.Sexual performance anxiety.Sex Med Rev.2020;8(2):183-190. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2019.07.001

Schweitzer RD, O’Brien J, Burri A.Postcoital dysphoria: prevalence and psychological correlates.Sex Med.2015;3(4):235-243. doi:10.1002/sm2.74

Coria-Avila GA, Herrera-Covarrubias D, Ismail N, Pfaus JG.The role of orgasm in the development and shaping of partner preferences.Socioaffect Neurosci Psychol. 2016;6:31815. doi:10.3402/snp.v6.31815

Ilhan G, Verit Atmaca FV, Kurek Eken M, Akyol H.Premenstrual syndrome is associated with a higher frequency of female sexual difficulty and sexual distress.J Sex Marital Ther. 2017;43(8):811-821. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2017.1305030

Harvard Health Publishing.Depression during pregnancy and after.

Dalal PK, Agarwal M.Postmenopausal syndrome.Indian J Psychiatry. 2015;57(Suppl 2):S222-S232. doi:10.4103/0019-5545.161483

An Y, Sun Z, Li L, Zhang Y, Ji H.Relationship between psychological stress and reproductive outcome in women undergoing in vitro fertilization treatment: psychological and neurohormonal assessment.J Assist Reprod Genet. 2013;30(1):35-41. doi:10.1007/s10815-012-9904-x

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