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No matter what type of relationship we’re talking about—be it friendship, familial, or romantic—vulnerability is key tofostering a closer, deeper, and more authentic bond with another person. It keeps us honest with each other and ourselves, breaks down walls, eliminates the potential for miscommunication andmisunderstandings, and allows us to be wholly ourselves.
Learn why vulnerability helps to foster healthy, authentic relationships, how you can learn to be more vulnerable, and what you risk when you don’t open up with the people closest to you.
What Is Vulnerability In Relationships?
“Vulnerability is when a person willingly takes the risk to reveal their emotions and weaknesses,” saysShari Foos, a marriage and family therapist and founder of The Narrative Method. “This emotional openness is essential in all healthy relationships, as it paves the way for deeper understanding and evokes the empathy necessary for healthy long-term relationships.”
She adds that, with open communication, others can better relate to you and imagine the nuance of your feelings.
How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship
Why Vulnerability in Relationships Is Important
It’s completely natural to want to guard yourself and youremotions. In fact, holding thoughts and feelings to your chest and away from others is a form of protection, sometimes making it hard to be vulnerable in a relationship.
Shari Foos, MFTIf you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, your partner can’t be expected to understand what you need and want from them.
Shari Foos, MFT
If you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, your partner can’t be expected to understand what you need and want from them.
However, being too closed off to others—especially in romantic relationships or very close friendships—can backfire. The bond itself is less satisfying, and your relationship may be even more susceptible to breaking.
“If you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable, your partner can’t be expected to understand what you need and want from them,” notes Foos. She adds, “They will undoubtedly respond in unsatisfactory ways. And then, because you don’t feel supported, you can resent them and blame them rather than owning your feelings. And then, before you begin to be vulnerable, you’ve got a knot to unwind.”
Allrelationships are prone to fissures; think of vulnerability as the mortar that helps fill in the cracks.
What to Do If Your Partner Won’t Talk About Their Feelings
4 Ways to Foster More Vulnerability in Relationships
Like many things in life, being vulnerable doesn’t always come naturally. In fact, it can be really difficult toexpress ourselves honestlywith someone else out of fear of rejection or judgment.
In some cases, it’s difficult to open up because we aren’t wholly vulnerable even with ourselves; tapping into our inner core often means having to deal with uncomfortable or confusing emotions. If you struggle to open up or want to find new ways to be open and emotionally vulnerable in relationships, consider taking the steps listed below.
Discuss Vulnerability Itself
Simply having a better understanding of why you might struggle with vulnerability can help you connect with your partner on the matter. It’s also a good first step to embracing vulnerability in relationships versus avoiding it.
“Any topic that evokes difficult emotions for you is one that you should find a way to work through,” advises Foos. “Sometimes, justnaming a fear aloudmakes it seem smaller and relieves some of its sting.”
We all have fears. Whether it’s sexuality, money, or family challenges, she says you can benefit from talking about your feelings with someone who will listen closely without judgment.
Discuss a Recent Experience
One way to open up the channels of communication and vulnerability is to discuss the things that are happening in your life. Maybe you had a run-in with a stranger that left you confused, or maybe you’re dealing with something new at work. Simply start with the facts, then share how this experience impacted you. The experience doesn’t have to be negative. Maybe it’s something that left you beaming!
Share a Goal
Is therea short or long-term goalyou’re aiming for? Sharing what that goal is and why it’s important to you is an easy way to connect with another person. Even better, you’ll surely gain a cheerleader that’s excited to watch (and maybe even help) you succeed.
Navigating the 4 Stages of a Relationship
When Privacy May Be Better Than Vulnerability in Relationships
While vulnerability in relationships is crucial, there’s certainly a balance to strike between being vulnerable and keeping some details to ourselves.
“One of the best new habits you can create is the habit of considering the impact of sensitive information before sharing it with others,” says Foos. “For example, confiding your dislike of someone’s character or behavior to a close friend—even when you trust your feelings will be held confidentially—can leave you feeling guilty and regretful.”
Other “off-limit” topics might include sexual history (especially if this might lead to potential jealousy or pain with a romantic partner), certainfinancialor health details, fears or thoughts that you haven’t fully worked through on your own that might negatively impact your relationship, andgrudgesyou haven’t been able to let go of yet.
How to Express Your Feelings
A Word From Verywell
Vulnerability is an opportunity to grow as a person and a way to find deep satisfaction in your relationships. Opening up and relinquishing your fears of rejection helps builds trust and honesty with others, fosters empathy, and builds stronger bonds. It’s not always easy to be vulnerable and doing so often requires taking deliberate steps. The work is worth it.
Relationship Emotions: How to Express Feelings in a Relationship
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