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Toxic positivity is the belief that people should maintain a positive mindset no matter how dire or difficult a situation is. While there are benefits to being optimistic and engaging inpositive thinking, toxic positivity rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely positive façade.
Having a positive outlook on life is good for your mental well-being.The problem is that life isn’t always positive. We all havepainful emotionsand experiences. While often unpleasant, those emotions need to be felt and dealt with openly and honestly to achieve acceptance and greater psychological health.
Toxic positivity takes positive thinking to an overgeneralized extreme. This attitude doesn’t just stress the importance ofoptimism—it also minimizes and even denies any trace of human emotions that are not strictly happy or positive.
At a GlanceToxic positivity means having a “good vibes only” approach to life and discarding any seemingly negative emotions. It denies people the authentic support they need to cope with what they are facing. Keep reading to learn what toxic positivity can look like, why it can be so harmful, and what you can do to cultivate a most realistic approach when dealing with difficult emotions.
At a Glance
Toxic positivity means having a “good vibes only” approach to life and discarding any seemingly negative emotions. It denies people the authentic support they need to cope with what they are facing. Keep reading to learn what toxic positivity can look like, why it can be so harmful, and what you can do to cultivate a most realistic approach when dealing with difficult emotions.
Examples of Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity can take a wide variety of forms. Some examples you may have encountered in your own life include:
Sometimes, these statements are well-intentioned or come from a good place, but are poorly worded. In other cases, people might not know what else to say and don’t know how to beempathetic. Still, it is important to recognize that toxic positivity can be harmful.
Toxic Positivity vs. OptimismIt is possible to be optimistic in the face of difficult experiences and challenges. But people going throughtraumadon’t need to be told to stay positive or feel that they are being judged for not maintaining a sunny outlook.
Toxic Positivity vs. Optimism
It is possible to be optimistic in the face of difficult experiences and challenges. But people going throughtraumadon’t need to be told to stay positive or feel that they are being judged for not maintaining a sunny outlook.
Why Toxic Positivity Is Harmful
Too much positivity is toxic because it can harm people who are going through difficult times. Rather than being able to share genuine human emotions and gain unconditional support, people who are faced with toxic positivity find their feelings dismissed, ignored, or outright invalidated.
The “positive vibes only” mantra can be particularly grating during intense personal distress. When people are coping with situations such as financial troubles, job loss, illness, or the loss of a loved one, being told that they need to look on the bright side can seem downright cruel.
Some even consider toxic positivity a form ofgaslighting. This is because it creates a false narrative of reality, often causing you to question what you think and feel.
In some cases, toxic positivity may even be abusive. An abusive person might use it to devalue, dismiss, and minimize another person’s emotions and experiences. They might even use it as a way to downplay the seriousness of their abusive actions.
Signs of Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity can often be subtle. Learning to recognize the signs can help you better identify this type of behavior. Signs that you might be toxically positive include:
It’s equally important to know when someone else may be acting toxically positive with you, potentially hurting your mental well-being. Signs that you may be on the receiving end of toxic positivity include:
How to Avoid Toxic Positivity
If you recognize toxically positive behaviors in yourself, there are things that you can do to develop a healthier, more supportive approach. Some ideas include:
Remember It’s OK to Not Be OK
Develop an attitude that “it’s OK to not be OK.” Instead of having a viewpoint that it’s wrong to have negative feelings, accept that it isn’t realistic to be okay all the time. Remind yourself that if someone doesn’t feel okay, that’s perfectly acceptable.
Manage Emotions Without Denying Them
Manage your negative emotions, but don’t deny them.Negative emotionscan cause stress when unchecked.However, they can also provide important information that can lead to beneficial changes in your life.
Focus on Listening
Focus on listening to others and showing support. When someone expresses a difficult emotion, don’t shut them down with toxic positivity. Instead, let them know that what they are feeling is normal and you are there to listen.
Toxic StatementsJust stay positive!Good vibes only!It could be worse.Things happen for a reason.Failure isn’t an option.Happiness is a choice.Non-Toxic AlternativesI’m listening.I’m here no matter what.That must be really hard.Sometimes bad things happen. How can I help?Failure is sometimes part of life.Your feelings are valid.
Toxic StatementsJust stay positive!Good vibes only!It could be worse.Things happen for a reason.Failure isn’t an option.Happiness is a choice.
Just stay positive!
Good vibes only!
It could be worse.
Things happen for a reason.
Failure isn’t an option.
Happiness is a choice.
Non-Toxic AlternativesI’m listening.I’m here no matter what.That must be really hard.Sometimes bad things happen. How can I help?Failure is sometimes part of life.Your feelings are valid.
I’m listening.
I’m here no matter what.
That must be really hard.
Sometimes bad things happen. How can I help?
Failure is sometimes part of life.
Your feelings are valid.
Coping With Toxic Positivity
If someone you know has a tendency to respond to your negative feelings with statements that aren’t supportive or emotionally validating, some ways you can respond to toxic positivity include:
Be Realistic
Be realistic about what you feel. When facing a difficult situation, it’s normal to feel stressed, worried, or even fearful. Don’t expect too much from yourself. Practiceself-careand work on taking steps that can help improve your situation.
Challenge Toxic Positivity
Don’t be afraid to challenge the person being toxically positive. While challenging this type of response can be uncomfortable, confronting the person’s approach provides them the opportunity to grow. This can be especially helpful if facing toxic positivity at work, helping leaders evaluate the impact of their statements and actions.
Remember Emotions Can Be Mixed and Complicated
Know that it’s okay to feel more than one thing. If you are facing a challenge, it’s possible to feel nervous about the future and, at the same time, hopeful that you will succeed. Youremotionscan be as complex as the situation itself.
Find Meaning
Look for meaning behind what you’re going through. “Tragic optimism,” or searching for the meaning behind difficult situations, is the opposite of toxic positivity and, according to some, is considered the antidote to this type of response.
Notice How You Feel
Put Your Feelings Into Words
When going through something hard, think about ways to give voice to your emotions in a way that is productive.Write in a journalor talk to a friend. Research suggests that just putting what you are feeling into words can help lower the intensity of negative feelings.
In the end, give yourself permission to feel your feelings. These feelings are real, valid, and important. They are also informative and help you see things that need to change.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should act on every emotion that you feel. Sometimes it is important to sit with your feelings and give yourself the time and space to process the situation andaccept your emotionsbefore you take action.
Press Play for Advice on Self-Worth
Toxic positivity is often subtle, and many of us have engaged in this type of thinking at one point or another. By learning to recognize it, however, you’re better able to rid yourself of this type of thinking and provide (and receive) more authentic support when you are going through something that isn’t easy.
Start noticing toxic statements and strive to let yourself and others feel your emotions—both the positive and the negative.
It’s Time to Ditch Toxic Positivity in Favor of Emotional Validation
7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Passmore HA, Howell AJ, Holder MD.Positioning implicit theories of well-being within a positivity framework.J Happiness Studies. 2018;19:2445-2463. doi:10.1007/s10902-017-9934-2Ford BQ, Lam P, John OP, Mauss IB.The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2018;115(6):1075-1092. doi:10.1037/pspp0000157Dajani T, Bryant V, Sackett D, Allgood J.“Your wellness program is interfeing with my well-being”: Reducing the unintended consequences of wellness initiatives in undergraduate medical education.MedEdPublish. 2021;10(1):11-15. doi:10.15694/mep.2021.000146.1Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327Collins R.Leading forward: Embracing feedback and moving toward authentic positivity.Nurse Lead. 2022;20(3):270-272. doi:10.1016/j.mnl.2022.02.008Association for Psychological Science.The opposite of toxic positivity.Lieberman MD, Eisenberger NI, Crockett MJ, Tom SM, Pfeifer JH, Way BM.Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli.Psychol Sci. 2007;18(5):421-8. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
7 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Passmore HA, Howell AJ, Holder MD.Positioning implicit theories of well-being within a positivity framework.J Happiness Studies. 2018;19:2445-2463. doi:10.1007/s10902-017-9934-2Ford BQ, Lam P, John OP, Mauss IB.The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2018;115(6):1075-1092. doi:10.1037/pspp0000157Dajani T, Bryant V, Sackett D, Allgood J.“Your wellness program is interfeing with my well-being”: Reducing the unintended consequences of wellness initiatives in undergraduate medical education.MedEdPublish. 2021;10(1):11-15. doi:10.15694/mep.2021.000146.1Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327Collins R.Leading forward: Embracing feedback and moving toward authentic positivity.Nurse Lead. 2022;20(3):270-272. doi:10.1016/j.mnl.2022.02.008Association for Psychological Science.The opposite of toxic positivity.Lieberman MD, Eisenberger NI, Crockett MJ, Tom SM, Pfeifer JH, Way BM.Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli.Psychol Sci. 2007;18(5):421-8. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Passmore HA, Howell AJ, Holder MD.Positioning implicit theories of well-being within a positivity framework.J Happiness Studies. 2018;19:2445-2463. doi:10.1007/s10902-017-9934-2Ford BQ, Lam P, John OP, Mauss IB.The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2018;115(6):1075-1092. doi:10.1037/pspp0000157Dajani T, Bryant V, Sackett D, Allgood J.“Your wellness program is interfeing with my well-being”: Reducing the unintended consequences of wellness initiatives in undergraduate medical education.MedEdPublish. 2021;10(1):11-15. doi:10.15694/mep.2021.000146.1Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327Collins R.Leading forward: Embracing feedback and moving toward authentic positivity.Nurse Lead. 2022;20(3):270-272. doi:10.1016/j.mnl.2022.02.008Association for Psychological Science.The opposite of toxic positivity.Lieberman MD, Eisenberger NI, Crockett MJ, Tom SM, Pfeifer JH, Way BM.Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli.Psychol Sci. 2007;18(5):421-8. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
Passmore HA, Howell AJ, Holder MD.Positioning implicit theories of well-being within a positivity framework.J Happiness Studies. 2018;19:2445-2463. doi:10.1007/s10902-017-9934-2
Ford BQ, Lam P, John OP, Mauss IB.The psychological health benefits of accepting negative emotions and thoughts: laboratory, diary, and longitudinal evidence.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2018;115(6):1075-1092. doi:10.1037/pspp0000157
Dajani T, Bryant V, Sackett D, Allgood J.“Your wellness program is interfeing with my well-being”: Reducing the unintended consequences of wellness initiatives in undergraduate medical education.MedEdPublish. 2021;10(1):11-15. doi:10.15694/mep.2021.000146.1
Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327
Collins R.Leading forward: Embracing feedback and moving toward authentic positivity.Nurse Lead. 2022;20(3):270-272. doi:10.1016/j.mnl.2022.02.008
Association for Psychological Science.The opposite of toxic positivity.
Lieberman MD, Eisenberger NI, Crockett MJ, Tom SM, Pfeifer JH, Way BM.Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli.Psychol Sci. 2007;18(5):421-8. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-9280.2007.01916.x
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