Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow Many People Lie to Their Therapists?Reasons Why People Lie to Their TherapistsFinding the Courage to Tell the Truth
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
How Many People Lie to Their Therapists?
Reasons Why People Lie to Their Therapists
Finding the Courage to Tell the Truth
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There are four people you should never lie to—your doctor, your accountant, your lawyer, and yourtherapist.
You’re paying these professionals for their expertise. They can’t help you if they don’t know the whole story.
But as a therapist, I know a lot of people don’t tell me the truth. And as someone who sees a therapist, I also understand why it’s tempting to lie.
How to Tell if Someone Is Lying
The idea that most people lie to their therapist isn’t just based on my anecdotal evidence. Researchers have found most people struggle to be honest while sitting on their therapist’s couch.
Lies might range from little “white” lies like “I have to cancel my appointment because I’m sick” to major lies like “No, I don’t use any drugs.”
Lies may also include “partial truths.” For example, someone might tell the therapist they argued with their spouse but fail to mention theylost their temperand said hurtful things.
Should I Tell My Therapist Everything?
If you’ve lied to your therapist, you might be tempted to beat yourself up for being dishonest. But, you likely have some underlying reasons that make being honest tough. So here are some reasons why it might be difficult to tell the whole truth.
Self-Preservation
Some people go to therapy because others want them to—like a partner or a probation officer. Consequently, they may not be invested in making changes.
So, it makes sense that some people lie because they want to keep the status quo.They don’t want to make any changes. And admitting that there are things that they do need to work on would just keep them in therapy for longer.
Avoiding an Uncomfortable Emotion
While most people go to therapy to address sensitive subjects, talking about specific topics can feel quite uncomfortable.
So while someone may suspect it’s important to talk about something that happened during childhood or perhaps aquestion they have about their sexuality, talking about those things might feel too distressing.
It might feel more comfortable to avoid talking about a time when you were victimized or when you treated someone else poorly. Talking about it might stir up a lot of shame, embarrassment, or sadness.
This is why it’s so important to establish a good rapport with your therapist. If you trust your therapist and feel comfortable opening up to them, it makes it that much easier to dig into more difficult and sensitive topics.
Someone might worry that a therapist will judge them if they acknowledge a mistake they made. Or they might fear the therapist will think they’re a bad person or “crazy” for telling a story about how they lost their temper. So it might feel safer to reveal the things that make them look good.
Fear of Causing the Therapist to Feel Bad
Sometimes, people lie because they don’t want the therapist to feel uncomfortable. It’s hard to say things like, “I don’t like that homework assignment you gave me,” or “I disagree with something you said.”
People pleasersmight also lie about getting better. For example, they may tell their therapist they’re feeling better so the therapist won’t feel bad that theirtreatment isn’t working.
This undermines the entire point of therapy. Your therapist is there to help you, not the other way around. Ideally, you would trust your therapist enough to know that they won’t take anything you say personally, and will be able to help you through the difficult feelings that come up if you disagree with them or have an issue with the way they are treating you.
Your relationship with your therapist likely mimics your relationships outside of the therapist’s office. For example, do youavoid confrontationwith others? Do you focus more on impressing people rather than forming genuine connections? Do you make other people’s feelings your responsibility?
When you find the courage to be honest with your therapist, you’ll take a giant leap toward healing yourself. When you see that your therapist still accepts you when you’ve told some hard truths, it can be instrumental in changing the way you relate to other people moving forward.
Press Play for Advice On Finding Courage
1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Blanchard M, Farber BA.Lying in psychotherapy: Why and what clients don’t tell their therapist about therapy and their relationship.Counselling Psychology Quarterly. 2015;29(1):90-112. doi:10.1080/09515070.2015.1085365
1 Source
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Blanchard M, Farber BA.Lying in psychotherapy: Why and what clients don’t tell their therapist about therapy and their relationship.Counselling Psychology Quarterly. 2015;29(1):90-112. doi:10.1080/09515070.2015.1085365
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Blanchard M, Farber BA.Lying in psychotherapy: Why and what clients don’t tell their therapist about therapy and their relationship.Counselling Psychology Quarterly. 2015;29(1):90-112. doi:10.1080/09515070.2015.1085365
Hannah Owens, LMSW
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