Why It's Important to Apologize in Relationships

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsBenefits of ApologizingWhy It Can Be HardWhen to ApologizeWhat to AvoidHelpful Tips

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Benefits of Apologizing

Why It Can Be Hard

When to Apologize

What to Avoid

Helpful Tips

Close

While a popular movie from decades ago declared that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry,” never apologizing in a relationship is a sure way to risk losing it.

This article explores why apologizing is important and how to recognize when you should say you’re sorry. It also discusses why apologizing can be so difficult and tips for making it easier and more effective.

We may have learned about apologizing when we’ve hurt a friend—accidentally or otherwise. There are several important reasons why apologizing is necessary when social rules have been violated. Some of the good things that come from a sincere apology:

Relationships can be great sources ofstress relief, butconflict can cause considerable stress, which takes a toll. Learning the art of apologizing effectively can significantly reduce the negative effects of conflict and relationship stress. Apologies help us put the conflict behind us and move on more easily.

Many benefits comefrom forgivenessin terms ofhappinessand stress relief.Being adept at apologizing when appropriate can strengthen relationships, reduce conflict, and bring forgiveness. It can be hard, but it’s well worth the effort.

Why Apologizing Is Hard

Apologizing can be difficult for a variety of reasons. How people interpret the need for an apology can play a significant role:

However, in the right circumstances, a well-delivered, appropriately sincere apology will generally avoid all of these issues, and will merely serve to usher in a resolution, reaffirm shared values, and restore positive feelings. You just have to know when and how to deliver your apology.

When Apologizing Is a Good Idea

If something you’ve done has caused pain for another person, it’s a good idea to apologize, even if whatever you did was unintentional. This is because apologizing opens up the doors to communication, which allows you to reconnect with the person who was hurt.

Reasons you should consider apologizing include when:

It also allows you to express regret that they have been hurt, which lets them know you care about their feelings. This can help them feel safer with you again.

Apologizing also allows you to discuss what the “rules” should be in the future, especially if a new one needs to be made, which is often the case when you didn’t hurt the other person intentionally.

Creating new rules for the relationship can help you be protected from getting hurt in the future. If you care about the other person and the relationship, and you can avoid offending behavior in the future, an apology is usually a good idea.

What to Avoid When Apologizing

It is important to note that apologies that involve empty promises are a bad idea. One of the important functions of an apology is that it affords the opportunity to re-establish trust; resolving not to repeat the offending behavior—or to make whatever change is possible—is an important part of an apology.

If you promise to change but then don’t, the apology merely calls attention to the fact that you’ve done something even you agree is wrong, but refuse to change.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep, but do try to make reasonable promises to avoid hurting the person in the future, and the follow through on those promises. If the other person is expecting something unreasonable or impossible, perhaps you’re taking responsibility for more than you need to.

What to Do After You Hurt Your Partner

Tips for Apologizing

An insincere apology can often do more damage than no apology at all. When you are apologizing, it is important to include a few key ingredients so you canapologize sincerely.They should help you to maintain healthy, happy relationships with your friends, family and loved ones.

Take Responsibility for Your Actions

Apologizing doesn’t mean you need to take responsibility for things that were not your fault. You can express regret at unintentionally hurting someone’s feelings, but you don’t have to say you “should have known better” if you truly feel there is no way you could have known your actions would hurt them. In this situation, creating a new rule can help.

For Example:“I’m sorry I woke you! Now that I know you don’t want people to call you after 8 p.m., I will be careful not to do so.”

For Example:

“I’m sorry I woke you! Now that I know you don’t want people to call you after 8 p.m., I will be careful not to do so.”

Taking responsibility also means specifying what you did that you believe was wrong, but can entail gently mentioning what you believe was not wrong on your part. In this way, you protect yourself from the feeling that if you are the first to apologize, you are taking responsibility for the whole conflict or for the bulk of it.

Say You’re Sorry

Don’t make excuses or try to qualify your apology. Instead, just say, “I’m sorry.” Avoid turning the apology into an opportunity to criticize or continue an argument.

Keep It Simple

An apology can include a simple statement such as “I am sorry that you felt that way.” An apology does not necessarily involve stating that you did something wrong. Instead, it may be an acknowledgment that you hurt another person.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

A Word From Verywell

Apologies are not always easy , but saying your sorry can be important for healthy interpersonal relationships. If you’ve hurt someone, whether unintentionally or intentionally, consider how apologizing might help mend the pain and help you both move forward.

How to Apologize the Right Way

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Ma F, Wylie BE, Luo X, He Z, Jiang R, Zhang Y, Xu F, Evans AD.Apologies repair trust via perceived trustworthiness and negative emotions.Front Psychol.2019;10:758. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00758

Long KNG, Worthington EL Jr, VanderWeele TJ, Chen Y.Forgiveness of others and subsequent health and well-being in mid-life: a longitudinal study on female nurses.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):104. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-00470-w

Yamamoto K, Kimura M, Osaka M. Sorry, Not Sorry:Effects of different types of apologies and self-monitoring on non-verbal behaviors.Front Psychol. 2021;12:689615. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.689615

Yamamoto K, Kimura M, Osaka M.Sorry, not sorry: Effects of different types of apologies and self-monitoring on non-verbal behaviors.Front Psychol. 2021;12:689615. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.689615

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