Why Honesty Is So Important, According to a Relationship Expert

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Honesty Means in a RelationshipWhat Is Radical Honesty?Why Is Honesty So Important in RelationshipsTips for Having More Honesty in Your Relationships

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Honesty Means in a Relationship

What Is Radical Honesty?

Why Is Honesty So Important in Relationships

Tips for Having More Honesty in Your Relationships

Are you always honest with your partner? Are little white lies allowed or do you always tell the truth? Do you prefer to keep some things private? What does honesty mean to you and how does it impact your relationship?

In this article, we take a look at what honesty means in relationships, why it’s important, and how you can encourage and practice greater honesty and intimacy between your partner and yourself.

When we think of honesty in relationships, the first thing that probably comes to mind is the fact that oneshouldn’t lieto or cheat on one’s partner. While that’s definitely important, honesty can also take other dimensions in relationships.

“Honesty in a romantic relationship is about being authentic and genuine with your partner. It requires saying what you feel and think without hiding, suppressing, or manipulating your words,” saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships.

Being yourauthentic selfwith your partner and speaking your truth can sometimes be easier said than done. It typically only occurs when people feel safe enough to be vulnerable with their partners, says Dr. Romanoff. “Since honesty carries the risk of creating discomfort and conflict, one has to have faith that the relationship is strong enough to handle it and the other person is willing to accept them as they are.”

Apart from allowing your partner to truly know you, honesty is also important because it helps you communicate with your partner about what is and isn’t working in your relationship. Your partner is not a mind reader, and they won’t know what’s bothering you unless you tell them.

Why Vulnerability in Relationships Is So Important

You Have to Be Honest With Yourself, Too

Being honest with your partner requires you to be honest with yourself first. Being honest with yourself can help you:

If you are unable to be honest with yourself, you might find yourself feeling anxious, unhappy, or angry for reasons you’re not able to understand. These emotions can take a toll on your mental well-being as well as your relationship.

How to Spot a Liar in a Relationship

Radical honesty involves telling the truth no matter what, even if it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. It essentially means not holding back anything you think or feel, Dr. Romanoff explains.

For instance, if your partner gets a new haircut that you don’t like, you may be tempted to tell awhite lieand say it looks fine, so their feelings don’t get hurt. However, radical honesty requires you to share exactly how you feel in the moment, says Dr. Romanoff.

Radical honesty can sometimes feel scary, because it requires you to speak your truth even when you’re sure your partner doesn’t want to hear it.

Radical honesty can help you be your most authentic self in your relationships and live your life according to your values. However, it’s important not to misuse it, because it can be harmful to relationships.

It’s become an important component of many relationships, particularlyethical non-monogamy relationships, such as polyamorous or open relationships, that require honest and open communication to succeed. As an example, telling your partner you have feelings for someone else can be scary because it might hurt their feelings or trigger feelings of insecurity. Therefore, it is important to develop the skill and ability to have these difficult conversations with mutual care, consideration, and respect.

“Sometimes, radical honesty can be an excuse to hurt or criticize the other person. We make the justification that we’re ‘just being honest’ to accuse the other person or put them down,” Dr. Romanoff explains. Therefore, she says it’s important to reflect on what you’re trying to achieve when you’re being honest: Think about whether your goal is to hurt the other person,manipulatethem, or to become closer, have more trust, and build intimacy.

Honesty is important for relationships because:

Research shows that greater honesty is linked to higher personal and relationship satisfaction.

Dr. Romanoff shares some strategies that can help you build more honesty in your relationship.

Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable

Revealing your fears and vulnerabilities to your partner can feel scary, but it’s an important part of getting to know one another and building trust.

For example, if your partner doesn’t respond to texts in a timely manner, you could communicate how it makes you feel unimportant and easily forgotten about, which is how you often felt growing up in your family. You could share how their current behaviors are cutting into a preexisting wound, which they likely were not aware of.

Let the relationship be a safe space where they can share their feelings with you, without fear of judgment. Keep their confidences private.

When you’re sharing your feelings, use‘I’ statementsand try to avoid any sentences that start with ‘you’ because this puts the other person on the defensive.

For instance, instead of saying “You should have called me when you were running late,” you could say “I was really worried when I didn’t know where you were.”

Remember, your goal is to open up to the person and share your feelings, not criticize them.

How Much Relationship Privacy Do You Need?

3 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Levine E, Munguia Gomez D.“I’m just being honest.” When and why honesty enables help versus harm.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2021;120(1):33-56. doi:10.1037/pspi0000242Błachnio A.Be happy, be honest: the role of self-control, self-beliefs, and satisfaction with life in honest behavior.J Relig Health. 2021;60(2):1015-1028. doi:10.1007/s10943-019-00956-xBellucci G, Park SQ.Honesty biases trustworthiness impressions.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2020;149(8):1567-1586. doi:10.1037/xge0000730

3 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Levine E, Munguia Gomez D.“I’m just being honest.” When and why honesty enables help versus harm.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2021;120(1):33-56. doi:10.1037/pspi0000242Błachnio A.Be happy, be honest: the role of self-control, self-beliefs, and satisfaction with life in honest behavior.J Relig Health. 2021;60(2):1015-1028. doi:10.1007/s10943-019-00956-xBellucci G, Park SQ.Honesty biases trustworthiness impressions.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2020;149(8):1567-1586. doi:10.1037/xge0000730

Levine E, Munguia Gomez D.“I’m just being honest.” When and why honesty enables help versus harm.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2021;120(1):33-56. doi:10.1037/pspi0000242Błachnio A.Be happy, be honest: the role of self-control, self-beliefs, and satisfaction with life in honest behavior.J Relig Health. 2021;60(2):1015-1028. doi:10.1007/s10943-019-00956-xBellucci G, Park SQ.Honesty biases trustworthiness impressions.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2020;149(8):1567-1586. doi:10.1037/xge0000730

Levine E, Munguia Gomez D.“I’m just being honest.” When and why honesty enables help versus harm.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2021;120(1):33-56. doi:10.1037/pspi0000242

Błachnio A.Be happy, be honest: the role of self-control, self-beliefs, and satisfaction with life in honest behavior.J Relig Health. 2021;60(2):1015-1028. doi:10.1007/s10943-019-00956-x

Bellucci G, Park SQ.Honesty biases trustworthiness impressions.J Exp Psychol Gen. 2020;149(8):1567-1586. doi:10.1037/xge0000730

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You Have to Be Honest With Yourself, Too#

Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable#

Create a Safe Space for Sharing#

Share Feelings Constructively#

You Have to Be Honest With Yourself, Too

Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable

Create a Safe Space for Sharing

Share Feelings Constructively