Why Does Domestic Violence Happen?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsDomestic Violence Is About ControlMate Retention BehaviorsOther Factors Contributing to Domestic ViolenceThe Domestic Violence and Abuse CycleDomestic Violence Support and Resources

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Domestic Violence Is About Control

Mate Retention Behaviors

Other Factors Contributing to Domestic Violence

The Domestic Violence and Abuse Cycle

Domestic Violence Support and Resources

Domestic violence stems from a desire for control and power. It can happen to anyone from any walk of life. Whether alcohol and drug use is a factor or not, domestic violence and abuse is a very serious problem—for the victims and the abusers.

Although studies seem to indicate some link betweenalcohol/drug misuse and domestic violence, others believe that they are two separate issues.

At a GlanceDomestic abuse is not so much about a “loss of control” as it is about total control. Abusers engage in violence as a way to maintain power over their partner and ensure that their partner cannot leave.Ironically, many batterers do not see themselves as perpetrators but as victims. This reasoning is common among batterers, and many have elaborate denial systems designed to justify or excuse their actions.

At a Glance

Domestic abuse is not so much about a “loss of control” as it is about total control. Abusers engage in violence as a way to maintain power over their partner and ensure that their partner cannot leave.Ironically, many batterers do not see themselves as perpetrators but as victims. This reasoning is common among batterers, and many have elaborate denial systems designed to justify or excuse their actions.

Domestic abuse is not so much about a “loss of control” as it is about total control. Abusers engage in violence as a way to maintain power over their partner and ensure that their partner cannot leave.

Ironically, many batterers do not see themselves as perpetrators but as victims. This reasoning is common among batterers, and many have elaborate denial systems designed to justify or excuse their actions.

There are varying theories about what makes batterers abuse those closest to them. One view is that batterers are hardened criminals who commit their crimes in a conscious, calculated manner to achieve the dominance they believe they are entitled to. Others believe abuse is the product of deep psychological and developmental scars.

Characteristics of AbusersExperts have reached a consensus on several common characteristics among batterers. Domestic abusers:Are controllingAre manipulativeBelieve that men have a pre-ordained right to be in charge of all aspects of a relationshipOften see themselves as victims

Characteristics of Abusers

Experts have reached a consensus on several common characteristics among batterers. Domestic abusers:Are controllingAre manipulativeBelieve that men have a pre-ordained right to be in charge of all aspects of a relationshipOften see themselves as victims

Experts have reached a consensus on several common characteristics among batterers. Domestic abusers:

For some abusers, violence is a tool to keep their intimate partner from leaving the relationship or keeping them from being unfaithful, even if it means physically forcing them to stay.

As one batterer explained after going through treatment, the abuse was all about control: “I could make her do whatever I wanted. I was trying to intimidate her. I wanted to control her for the simple reason that I knew I could do it. It made me feel powerful,” he suggested.

Every situation is different, and there is no single factor that causes all domestic violence. However, many experts believe that it primarily comes down to control.

Research also suggests that people who witness domestic violence as children are more likely to engage in domestic violence as adults.

Individual factors that increase the likelihood that someone will engage in domestic violence include:

Top Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse

Other Forms of AbuseThis cycle concerns actual physical abuse. It does not take into account other forms of domestic abuse that are used to control, such as:Economic abusePsychological andemotional abuseSexual abuseSocial abuseSpiritual abuseVerbal abuse

Other Forms of Abuse

This cycle concerns actual physical abuse. It does not take into account other forms of domestic abuse that are used to control, such as:Economic abusePsychological andemotional abuseSexual abuseSocial abuseSpiritual abuseVerbal abuse

This cycle concerns actual physical abuse. It does not take into account other forms of domestic abuse that are used to control, such as:

9 Ways to Help a Victim of Domestic Violence

The threat of physical harm plus the economic and physical isolation they usually find themselves in makes getting help even more difficult for thevictims of domestic abuse. Simply leaving can provoke more and greater violence.

If you decide to leave, it helps to make a safety plan and ensure you have resources and support to help you do so safely. A safety plan should include a safe place to go after leaving, an emergency bad containing important documents and essentials, and a list of contacts and local resources.

Joining adomestic violence support groupcan also be beneficial. Resources you might find helpful include:

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Understanding Trauma Bonding

7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.MedlinePlus.Alcohol.Elmquist J, Hamel J, Shorey RC, Labrecque L, Ninnemann A, Stuart GL.Motivations for intimate partner violence in men and women arrested for domestic violence and court referred to batterer intervention programs.Partner Abuse. 2014;5(4):359-374. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.5.4.359National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence.Understanding men who batter.Buss DM, Shackelford TK.From vigilance to violence: Mate retention tactics in married couples.J Pers Soc Psychol.1997;72(2):346-361. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.72.2.346Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Risk and protective factors for perpetration.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Preventing intimate partner violence.Campbell JC, Webster D, Koziol-McLain J, et al.Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: Results from a multisite case control study.Am J Public Health. 2003;93(7):1089-1097. doi:10.2105/ajph.93.7.1089

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.MedlinePlus.Alcohol.Elmquist J, Hamel J, Shorey RC, Labrecque L, Ninnemann A, Stuart GL.Motivations for intimate partner violence in men and women arrested for domestic violence and court referred to batterer intervention programs.Partner Abuse. 2014;5(4):359-374. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.5.4.359National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence.Understanding men who batter.Buss DM, Shackelford TK.From vigilance to violence: Mate retention tactics in married couples.J Pers Soc Psychol.1997;72(2):346-361. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.72.2.346Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Risk and protective factors for perpetration.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Preventing intimate partner violence.Campbell JC, Webster D, Koziol-McLain J, et al.Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: Results from a multisite case control study.Am J Public Health. 2003;93(7):1089-1097. doi:10.2105/ajph.93.7.1089

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

MedlinePlus.Alcohol.Elmquist J, Hamel J, Shorey RC, Labrecque L, Ninnemann A, Stuart GL.Motivations for intimate partner violence in men and women arrested for domestic violence and court referred to batterer intervention programs.Partner Abuse. 2014;5(4):359-374. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.5.4.359National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence.Understanding men who batter.Buss DM, Shackelford TK.From vigilance to violence: Mate retention tactics in married couples.J Pers Soc Psychol.1997;72(2):346-361. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.72.2.346Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Risk and protective factors for perpetration.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Preventing intimate partner violence.Campbell JC, Webster D, Koziol-McLain J, et al.Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: Results from a multisite case control study.Am J Public Health. 2003;93(7):1089-1097. doi:10.2105/ajph.93.7.1089

MedlinePlus.Alcohol.

Elmquist J, Hamel J, Shorey RC, Labrecque L, Ninnemann A, Stuart GL.Motivations for intimate partner violence in men and women arrested for domestic violence and court referred to batterer intervention programs.Partner Abuse. 2014;5(4):359-374. doi:10.1891/1946-6560.5.4.359

National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence.Understanding men who batter.

Buss DM, Shackelford TK.From vigilance to violence: Mate retention tactics in married couples.J Pers Soc Psychol.1997;72(2):346-361. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.72.2.346

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Risk and protective factors for perpetration.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Preventing intimate partner violence.

Campbell JC, Webster D, Koziol-McLain J, et al.Risk factors for femicide in abusive relationships: Results from a multisite case control study.Am J Public Health. 2003;93(7):1089-1097. doi:10.2105/ajph.93.7.1089

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?