As life goes on and my previous relationships recede in the rearview, I still can’t stop thinking about my exes — and not about how much I hate them. It’s quite the opposite, actually. I’ll find myself remembering the good times we shared together, how amazing it felt to fall in love and be loved back, and how much I cared for them. I catch myself looking back on my partners as though they — and everything about our relationship — were perfect.

The reality of it, though, is that I’m just romanticizing my ex-partners and — conveniently — not thinking about all the negative andunhealthy aspects of those relationships. I’d rather think about the special romantic days than the days spent crying and arguing.

Remembering Only The Good

To romanticize means to “Deal with or describe in an idealized or unrealistic fashion; make (something) seem better or more appealing than it really is,” according to theOxford Dictionary. Viewing my exes in an idealized way is exactly what I (and many others) do after a relationship ends. It’s easier to love someone when they’re not there to annoy you. Remembering the past in a way that makes it seem better than it actually was is a common act of human nature. Simply put, it’s nicer to remember all the good and forget about the bad.

Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.Learn more

Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.

Couples Therapy Online

Strengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.

Learn more

We humanslovenostalgia. When we’re nostalgic, we take a misremembered walk down memory lane in gauzy-lighting. We revisit old memories, but it turns out that ourmemories are malleable, and we can mold and alter them to some extent. In the case of romanticizing an ex, we might exaggerate the enjoyable aspects of the memories and block out some of the crappy times out.

The Addictive Side of Romanticizing Exs

One reason we may be continuously thinking of our exes — and romanticizing them — is because we’re addicted to them, in a way.Studieshave shown that people in love show symptoms of drug addiction like euphoria as well as both emotional and physical dependence. Thefeel-good chemicals that are released when you’re falling in love are addictive. We want to feel the effects of those chemicals over and over, so we can keep feeling amazing.

So, what’s the big deal? Why is romanticizing our ex-partners a bad thing? Well, for one, it makes it a whole lot harder to move on andtrulyget over your exes. Our judgment becomes clouded. Our exes are exes for a reason, right?

When you romanticize them, you’re more likely to be fixated on the things you once loved about them and totally forget about the reasons the relationship didn’t work out. Thinking about all these good things will make you miss them even more, and even maybe fool you into thinking you should try toget back together— but please,don’t text your ex!

While they say time heals all wounds, the passage of time doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll stop romanticizing memories of your exes. I know it’s easier said than done, but we need to learn and practice living in the moment. Of course, everyone takes a walk down memory lane once in a while, but if your romantic memories are getting in the way of your current relationships, orbordering on an obsession, you might need to reevaluate.

Tips to Stop Romanticizing Exes

Block them on social media

It’s going to take some work if you want to break the habit. You’ll have to be mindful, catch yourself in the act, and work on changing your patterns. Something that can help is keeping your ex partners out of sight in hopes of also keeping them out of mind. Unfollow, mute, or evenblock them on social media.

Journal about unhealthy times with the ex

Journaling about your feelings is always a good idea when you’re struggling, too. You can also make a list of the things you didn’t like about your ex and the unhealthy or negative aspects of your relationship so you can have a more realistic depiction of the past — reminders of why you don’t need to be hung up on them.

Chat with a friend

Additionally, you can chat with a friend who was familiar with your relationship struggles to see what an outsider has to say. Often, friends are great at snapping us out of our obsessive phases and reminding us how much our exesactuallykind of sucked. They have a more objective view afterall.

It’s Normal to Romanticize, But Make Room for Your Future

Ultimately,looking back at you past relationships with rose colored glassesreally won’t do you much good, but it’s a totally normal phenomenon. If you’ve been romanticizing your exes, you’re not alone.

Getting over an ex, or even just cutting back on how much you think about an ex, is hard — but you’ve got to make room in your brain and heart for someone even better to make memories with. This way, when “the one” shows up, you’ll be ready

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

Articles contain trusted third-party sources that are either directly linked to in the text or listed at the bottom to take readers directly to the source.

Share0Tweet0Pin it0

Share0

Tweet0

Pin it0