Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsPeople Experience Things DifferentlyComparison Leads to MinimizationIt Keeps You From Facing Your FeelingsEveryone Deserves HelpHow to Respond InsteadWhen Comparison Might Be Helpful
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
People Experience Things Differently
Comparison Leads to Minimization
It Keeps You From Facing Your Feelings
Everyone Deserves Help
How to Respond Instead
When Comparison Might Be Helpful
Close
Comparisons are often natural and can, in some instances, even be helpful. They can serve as a way to gauge our progress or determine what might be appropriate in a certain situation. In other cases, comparisons can stifle growth, prevent self-compassion, and even make it more difficult to empathize with other people.
At a GlanceJust because someone else’s experiences seem worse in comparison doesn’t mean that your emotions aren’t valid. We all feel things differently! How things hit us can vary depending on the situation, our mood, and the support resources we have available. By minimizing your feelings, you deny yourself the right to process and work through your feelings. It can also be isolating, cutting you from the support and help you need. So instead of minimizing, try sitting with your feelings. And make sure that you listen and validate other people’s emotions when they share their feelings with you.
At a Glance
Just because someone else’s experiences seem worse in comparison doesn’t mean that your emotions aren’t valid. We all feel things differently! How things hit us can vary depending on the situation, our mood, and the support resources we have available. By minimizing your feelings, you deny yourself the right to process and work through your feelings. It can also be isolating, cutting you from the support and help you need. So instead of minimizing, try sitting with your feelings. And make sure that you listen and validate other people’s emotions when they share their feelings with you.
There is no hierarchy ofemotionssaying that one person’s feelings are better or worse, stronger or weaker than someone else’s.
For example, if you are going through an emotionally painful loss, you might be tempted to compare what you are feeling to someone else who has gone through something that seems objectively worse.
It is important to remember that hurt is hurt. Comparing your pain to someone else who seems to be suffering more only serves to minimize what you are feeling.
Comparison Often Leads to Minimizing Feelings
The focus of comparing your emotions is often to minimize either what you are feeling or what they are feeling. Some examples include:
But someone else’s experiences do not negate your own. In such cases, comparing feelings is a way of minimizing your own experiences.
This is something that you might do to avoid feeling anegative emotion. Rather than face it, it is easier to dismiss it as being “not as bad as it could be.”
It is a form oftoxic positivity, in which people feel that they have to hide or reject any negative feelings in order to focus on a false sense of optimism.
Even if someone else’s situation is objectively “worse” than yours, it doesn’t mean that you are not experiencing very real, very valid emotions. You are allowed to feel upset when someone hurts you or disappointed when something doesn’t work out the way that you wanted it to.
Yes, other people also have their own pain and disappointments to face, but those experiences don’t diminish or eclipse yours.
Negative feelings can increase stress when they aren’t dealt with properly. But evendifficult emotionscan be important sources of information. They can tell you that something needs to change and help motivate you to make positive changes in your life.
Comparisons often lead people to think that they can just deal with problems on their own. Rather than reach out for help and support, people are often left feeling that their issues aren’t serious enough to warrant attention.
A person who is experiencingsymptoms of depression, for example, might not seek out help because they think that theydon’t have any “reason” to feel depressed, especially when they compare their life and experiences to other people who seem to have it worse. This means that they won’t seek out the help that they need, whether it is therapy, medication, or support.
In such cases, comparisons can lead to avoiding your problems rather than finding ways to address them. Even if you feel like your problems “aren’t that bad,” you still deserve support and help.
How to Respond Instead of Minimizing Feelings
The next time you are tempted to compare your feelings to someone else’s, take a step back. Will it be helpful? Or are you using it as a way to dismiss your emotions? Instead of comparing:
Remember that when someone is in a vulnerable place, it is not the time to make judgments or comparisons. And that applies to your own emotions as well.
Dealing with those emotions, even when they are difficult, is what allows people the chance to learn, grow, and heal from their experiences.
Sometimes sharing your emotions can help. Research also suggests that just talking about what you are feeling can help reduce the intensity of those emotions.
The reality is that some degree of comparison is inevitable. People are simply wired to notice what other people are experiencing and then consider how it compares to their own situation. And in some cases, it can actually have a positive effect, including:
It is important to remember, however, that minimizing your pain is not a part of gratitude. You can be grateful for the good things in your life and still feel disappointed, sad, or upset.
Takeaways
The next time you find yourself thinking, “It could be worse,” think about what those types of thoughts are actually accomplishing. If it’s a way to minimize or deny your feelings, focus on your emotions without judging or shaming yourself for feeling such things.
And before you tell someone else that at least they don’t have it as bad as someone else, pause and remind yourself that such statements are rarely helpful. Instead, focus on being a supportive listener.
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2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327Levy-Gigi E, Shamay-Tsoory S.Affect labeling: The role of timing and intensity.PLoS One. 2022;17(12):e0279303. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0279303
2 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327Levy-Gigi E, Shamay-Tsoory S.Affect labeling: The role of timing and intensity.PLoS One. 2022;17(12):e0279303. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0279303
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327Levy-Gigi E, Shamay-Tsoory S.Affect labeling: The role of timing and intensity.PLoS One. 2022;17(12):e0279303. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0279303
Fischer AH.Comment: the emotional basis of toxic affect.Emot Rev. 2018;10(1):57-58. doi:10.1177/1754073917719327
Levy-Gigi E, Shamay-Tsoory S.Affect labeling: The role of timing and intensity.PLoS One. 2022;17(12):e0279303. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0279303
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