Why Can't I Stop Thinking About Someone?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsExplanationsFactors That Can Play a RoleSigns Thinking About Someone Might Be a ProblemHow to Stop Thinking of SomeoneKeep in Mind

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Explanations

Factors That Can Play a Role

Signs Thinking About Someone Might Be a Problem

How to Stop Thinking of Someone

Keep in Mind

Close

“I can’t stop thinking about you” can be a way of expressing interest in a romantic relationship, but what does it mean when you can’t get someone off of your mind. There are times when people might take precedence in your mind, particularly at the outset of a new romance.

The whirlwind of emotion and feelings of fledgling love can make it difficult to focus on anyone other than the object of your affection.

Sometimes this feeling can be a positive, albeit heady, experience that gradually fades as the initial infatuation, heightened excitement, emotion, and passion gradually temper intoa steadier state of love.But sometimes, feeling like you can’t get someone off your mind—whether that person is a newcrushor someone else—can be intrusive, disruptive, and distressing.

At a GlanceFactors like attraction, fascination, and admiration might explain why you feel like you can’t stop thinking about someone. Sometimes, this interest might be a sign of a problem, so it’s important to recognize when this represents more of an obsession than mere interest.If you want to know how to stop thinking about someone, there are strategies that can help. Avoiding triggers, challenging your thoughts, taking care of yourself, and talking to someone about the problem may help.

At a Glance

Factors like attraction, fascination, and admiration might explain why you feel like you can’t stop thinking about someone. Sometimes, this interest might be a sign of a problem, so it’s important to recognize when this represents more of an obsession than mere interest.If you want to know how to stop thinking about someone, there are strategies that can help. Avoiding triggers, challenging your thoughts, taking care of yourself, and talking to someone about the problem may help.

Factors like attraction, fascination, and admiration might explain why you feel like you can’t stop thinking about someone. Sometimes, this interest might be a sign of a problem, so it’s important to recognize when this represents more of an obsession than mere interest.

If you want to know how to stop thinking about someone, there are strategies that can help. Avoiding triggers, challenging your thoughts, taking care of yourself, and talking to someone about the problem may help.

Reasons Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone

There are a wide variety of reasons why you might think about someone often. Possible reasons:

Unfortunately, sometimes thinking of someone all the time is the result of negative feelings. In such cases, the other person might occupy your thoughts because you dislike them or because you are afraid of them or what they might do.

If you find yourself constantly thinking of a single person, it is important to consider some of the factors that might be playing a role.

Attraction

In some cases, you might find that you can’t stop thinking about someone because you are attracted to them. There are many differenttypes of attraction, so your interest might stem from a romantic,physical, sexual, emotional, or intellectual attraction to that person.

Attachment

Attachmentcan also cause you to think about another person. This can happen in close relationships, such asfriendshipsor romantic partnerships, but it can also occur in other types of relationships. You might feel attached to a boss, mentor, teacher, oreven a celebrity.

Emotional attachmentsare important for mental well-being. But sometimes, these attachments are not healthy—or eventoxic. In such cases, they can contribute to anxiety, insecurity,low self-esteem, and obsessive thinking.

Problems with attachment, such as having ananxiousorpreoccupied attachment style, can also lead to a great deal ofinsecurity in relationships. People who experienceattachment anxietymay spend an excessive amount of time thinking about their relationships and seeking reassurance from others.

Mental Health Conditions

ReminderIt’s important to remember that not being able to get someone off your mind does not give you permission to intrude on that individual’s time or space unless they welcome or return those feelings. If you are interested in building a closer relationship with that person, let them know and see if they reciprocate those feelings. If they do not, it is important torespect their boundariesand look for ways to deal with your thoughts.

Reminder

It’s important to remember that not being able to get someone off your mind does not give you permission to intrude on that individual’s time or space unless they welcome or return those feelings. If you are interested in building a closer relationship with that person, let them know and see if they reciprocate those feelings. If they do not, it is important torespect their boundariesand look for ways to deal with your thoughts.

Not being able to stop thinking about someone can sometimes be normal or even pleasant, such as the feeling that you get in the early stages of a romantic relationship. But it can often be a problem if it is linked to a deeper mental health issue or if it causes disruptions in other areas of your life.

Some signs that this type of thinking might be a problem include:

If you are experiencing any of these signs, it is important to reach out for help. Talking to a therapist or anothermental health professionalcan help you understand your thoughts and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you find that you can’t stop thinking about someone, there are a few things you can do to try to reduce the frequency of those thoughts or at least make them less distressing.

Identify Your Triggers

One of the first steps in managing intrusive thoughts is to identify what might be causing them. If you can be aware of what tends to set off these thinking patterns, you can sometimes avoid thosetriggers—or at least be prepared to deal with them.

Some common triggers for thinking about someone include:

Once you have identified your triggers, look for ways to minimize them as much as possible. If you can’t avoid your triggers, find ways to cope with them.

For example, if you know that hearing the person’s voice will trigger thoughts about them, have something else ready to listen to so you can distract yourself.

Challenge Your Thoughts

Another way to deal with intrusive thoughts is to challenge them. This means taking a close look at the thoughts and asking yourself if they are really true. You may often find that the thoughts you can’t stop thinking about might be based on unfounded assumptions or irrational anxieties.

For example, you might find yourself thinking about someone all the time because you are convinced that they are angry at you. What this really means is that you might be usingcognitive distortionssuch asjumping to conclusionsand mind-reading, which cause you to make assumptions about what the other person is thinking.

By challenging your thoughts, you can start to see them for what they really are: irrational and based on fear. This can help you to start to let go of those obsessive, intrusive thoughts.

Focus on Self-Care

Some self-care activities that can help reduce intrusive thoughts include:

It is also important to make sure that you are not using alcohol or drugs to cope with your thoughts. While it might seem like substances can offer a temporary reprieve from your uncomfortable, distracting, or upsetting thoughts, they can often make this thinking worse and lead to more problems in the long run.

Talk to Someone

If you are struggling to stop thinking about another person on your own, it might also be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or loved one about what you are experiencing. This can be a helpful way to get some emotional support and gain additional perspective on the situation.

Enlisting the help of other people in your life means you’ll have someone to turn to if your thoughts becomeoverwhelming. They can also help you make a plan for how to deal with the problem and offer to help find ways to keep you distracted from your thoughts.

Seek Professional Help

If you find that you can’t stop thinking about someone and it is affecting your ability to function effectively in your daily life, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you understand your thoughts and develop healthier ways to cope.

A mental health professional may recommend treatments such as talk therapy, medications, or a combination of both. Types of therapy that may help include cognitive-behavioral therapy ordialectical behavior therapy. Medications that might be prescribed include antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs.

The specific treatment your therapist or doctor recommends will depend on your situation, symptoms, and diagnosis.

If thinking about someone so much is interfering with your ability to function in your daily life or causing distress, it is important to take steps to get out of this thought pattern. There are a number of steps that you can take on your own, but talking to a mental health professional can also be helpful.

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Lorber MF, Erlanger AC, Heyman RE, O’Leary KD.The honeymoon effect: does it exist and can it be predicted?Prev Sci. 2015;16(4):550-559. doi:10.1007/s11121-014-0480-4Radomsky AS, Alcolado GM, Abramowitz JS, et al.Part 1—You can run but you can’t hide: Intrusive thoughts on six continents.Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders. 2014;3(3):269-279. doi:10.1016/j.jocrd.2013.09.002Read DL, Clark GI, Rock AJ, Coventry WL.Adult attachment and social anxiety: The mediating role of emotion regulation strategies.PLoS ONE. 2018;13(12):e0207514. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0207514Newman MG, Llera SJ, Erickson TM, Przeworski A, Castonguay LG.Worry and generalized anxiety disorder: a review and theoretical synthesis of evidence on nature, etiology, mechanisms, and treatment.Annu Rev Clin Psychol. 2013;9:275-97. doi:10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-050212-185544National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder: When unwanted thoughts or repetitive behaviors take over.

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Lorber MF, Erlanger AC, Heyman RE, O’Leary KD.The honeymoon effect: does it exist and can it be predicted?Prev Sci. 2015;16(4):550-559. doi:10.1007/s11121-014-0480-4Radomsky AS, Alcolado GM, Abramowitz JS, et al.Part 1—You can run but you can’t hide: Intrusive thoughts on six continents.Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders. 2014;3(3):269-279. doi:10.1016/j.jocrd.2013.09.002Read DL, Clark GI, Rock AJ, Coventry WL.Adult attachment and social anxiety: The mediating role of emotion regulation strategies.PLoS ONE. 2018;13(12):e0207514. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0207514Newman MG, Llera SJ, Erickson TM, Przeworski A, Castonguay LG.Worry and generalized anxiety disorder: a review and theoretical synthesis of evidence on nature, etiology, mechanisms, and treatment.Annu Rev Clin Psychol. 2013;9:275-97. doi:10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-050212-185544National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder: When unwanted thoughts or repetitive behaviors take over.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Lorber MF, Erlanger AC, Heyman RE, O’Leary KD.The honeymoon effect: does it exist and can it be predicted?Prev Sci. 2015;16(4):550-559. doi:10.1007/s11121-014-0480-4Radomsky AS, Alcolado GM, Abramowitz JS, et al.Part 1—You can run but you can’t hide: Intrusive thoughts on six continents.Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders. 2014;3(3):269-279. doi:10.1016/j.jocrd.2013.09.002Read DL, Clark GI, Rock AJ, Coventry WL.Adult attachment and social anxiety: The mediating role of emotion regulation strategies.PLoS ONE. 2018;13(12):e0207514. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0207514Newman MG, Llera SJ, Erickson TM, Przeworski A, Castonguay LG.Worry and generalized anxiety disorder: a review and theoretical synthesis of evidence on nature, etiology, mechanisms, and treatment.Annu Rev Clin Psychol. 2013;9:275-97. doi:10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-050212-185544National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder: When unwanted thoughts or repetitive behaviors take over.

Lorber MF, Erlanger AC, Heyman RE, O’Leary KD.The honeymoon effect: does it exist and can it be predicted?Prev Sci. 2015;16(4):550-559. doi:10.1007/s11121-014-0480-4

Radomsky AS, Alcolado GM, Abramowitz JS, et al.Part 1—You can run but you can’t hide: Intrusive thoughts on six continents.Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders. 2014;3(3):269-279. doi:10.1016/j.jocrd.2013.09.002

Read DL, Clark GI, Rock AJ, Coventry WL.Adult attachment and social anxiety: The mediating role of emotion regulation strategies.PLoS ONE. 2018;13(12):e0207514. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0207514

Newman MG, Llera SJ, Erickson TM, Przeworski A, Castonguay LG.Worry and generalized anxiety disorder: a review and theoretical synthesis of evidence on nature, etiology, mechanisms, and treatment.Annu Rev Clin Psychol. 2013;9:275-97. doi:10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-050212-185544

National Institute of Mental Health.Obsessive-compulsive disorder: When unwanted thoughts or repetitive behaviors take over.

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