Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsA Quick Rundown of the Major Personality ToolsUnderstanding Compatibility in RelationshipsFactorsAssessing Compatibility in RelationshipsNavigating Challenges in Incompatible Relationships

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

A Quick Rundown of the Major Personality Tools

Understanding Compatibility in Relationships

Factors

Assessing Compatibility in Relationships

Navigating Challenges in Incompatible Relationships

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We use many adjectives to describe our personalities—bubbly, relaxed, fun, shy, etc. We also pay a lot of attention to these descriptors when describing what we want in a partner. Some people put a lot of thought into it, seeking out partners whose personalities either mirror or complement theirs.

Personality typesare fascinating; they are a sum of all the quirks and behaviors that make you, well, you. They also influence how you form connections with people more than you may realize. Consider your closest friends or past and present romantic partners; it may not be surprising to notice a common thread of personality types emerge amongst them.

Even the strongest feelings can be challenged if partners don’t align well on certain fundamental levels, saysMarcus Smith, a licensed clinical professional counselor and executive director at Alpas Wellness.

Understanding your personality typeand how it aligns or differs from those closest to you will help younurture more fulfilling relationships.And when it comes to dating, personalities that complement each other tend to work through conflict successfully and build deeper connections.

The Enneagram,however, digs deeper into why we behave as we do. It categorizes people into nine types, each with its core desires, fears, and growth paths. Unlike the MBTI, which focuses on external behaviors, the Enneagram explores our internal motivations and emotional patterns. Both the MBTI and the Enneagram work great in helping you understandwhy you click with some peopleand don’t get along with others.

Joshua Collins,a licensed clinical social worker and clinical coordinator at SOBA New Jersey, says another useful framework is theBig Five personality traits, which assess individuals based on Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. Research suggests that partners who score similarly on these traits often experience higher levels of satisfaction and stability in their relationships. For example, two people high in agreeableness will likely have a harmonious and cooperative relationship.

Collins adds that it’s essential to have open and honest conversations about your values, goals, and expectations when assessingcompatibility with a partner. Usingpersonality assessments, such as the MBTI or Big Five, can provide a structured way to explore compatibility. Additionally, spending time together in various situations can help you gauge how well you navigate challenges and enjoy each other’s company.

What It Means to Have Type A Personality Traits

Compatibility can make or break a relationship. It’s one of the best-kept secrets to some of the healthiest long-term relationships you know. Compatibility is how well two people’s traits, behaviors, and emotional needs align and complement each other. Whilehaving similar interests or hobbiesis one aspect of compatibility, the critical factors for successful relationships are how you interact, communicate, and support each other in small and big ways daily.

We’ve all heard the phrase,opposites attract. More often than not, this holds true. In many cases, two people who share many common interests and have very similar outlooks can get along great. But, when we are with someone who brings interest to our lives with different views or interests, that can work out well, too. Just because people look compatible on paper doesn’t necessarily mean they will be, saysAshley Murry,Chief Clinical Officer at Sana Lake Recovery.

The key to a successful relationship is two capable partners who can maintain it. This means both are willing to work out conflicts and are open to hearing and understanding the other’s point of view. Good communicators are more likely to succeed in a relationship, even if they seem to have personality types that wouldn’t be a good fit. Understanding and respecting each other’scommunication preferenceswill help prevent small fights from becoming blown out of proportion. For instance, while you might need time to process your thoughts after a fight, your partner might prefer to hash out any issues immediately until you’re back on the same page.

Keep in Mind

Exploring Myers-Briggs Type Compatibility

The MBTI divides personalities into 16 types based on four key traits: Extraversion (E) vs. Introversion(I), Sensing(S) vs. Intuition(N), Thinking(T) vs. Feeling(F), and Judging(J) vs. Perceiving(P). For Alex, 27, and Emily, 25, taking an MBTI test helped them understand aspects of each other’s personalities they had previously found a little confusing.

Alex describes himself as anINFJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging). INFJs are known for being empathetic, reflective, and organized. On the other hand, Emily is anESTP (Extraverted, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving)and is often more energetic, spontaneous, and adaptable than Alex.

On paper, an INFJ partnered with an ESTP might seem mismatched, but in reality, they couldn’t be any happier. Since Alex tends to be more cautious, he occasionally appreciates how adventurous Emily is. On the other hand, Emily admits to needing to be a little more introspective when making certain decisions, an area in which Alex comes to the rescue.

Analyzing Enneagram Type Compatibility

Unlike MBTI, which focuses on traits, Enneagram focuses on our motivations, fears, and desires. It categorizes personalities into nine distinct types and answers not just the whats but the whys about our personalities. Here’s a quick rundown of the nine types:

Compatibility in the Enneagram is about balance and growth. It’s recognizing that while differences can be challenging, they help deepen our understanding and connections with people. A Type 1 (The Reformer) canlearn to be more flexiblefrom a Type 7 (The Enthusiast), while a Type 7 can benefit from the structure and discipline of a Type 1.

Can an Optimist and a Pessimist Be Compatible?

Factors Influencing Compatibility

Compatibility in a relationship, of course, goes beyond personality types. Several factors determine how compatible any two people are in a relationship.

Shared Values

Shared values are high on this list. When you and your partner have similar beliefs about what’s important in life—family, career ambitions, or social values—it creates a strong foundation for your relationship.Shared valuesmake it easier to remember that you want the same things out of life whenever you go through a rocky patch. You don’t always have to agree with everything; you just have to understand and respect what matters most to each other.

Attraction

Another thing is attraction—whether it’s physical or intellectual, saysDr. Rostislav Ignatov,a board-certified psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer at The Haven Detox. While it’s not the only thing that matters, having a strong attraction to your partner can create chemistry and deepen your emotional connection. Similarly, intellectual compatibility can lead to stimulating conversations and a shared interest in learning from each other.

Communication

One of the biggest reasons many relationships fail is because of poor communication. Different personalities often have very distinct ways of expressing themselves and processing information. Some might be direct, while others prefer to be more nuanced. Understanding and adapting to each other’scommunication stylescan nip many fights in the bud. It’s much easier to navigate issues with someone who communicates similarly to you and is willing to work through conflicts together.

Emotional Needs

Everyone also has emotional needs that can often be tied back to their personality type. Some people need frequent affirmations and physical affection. They usually want to see and feel how much you love them. For others, while affirmations may go unnoticed, acts of service mean the world to them. It’s about learning what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated and consistently meeting those needs.

Next, look at how you communicate. Do you feel heard and understood after talking to your partner? Do they feel heard? Any relationship is doomed to fail without effective and empathetic communication. In an argument, focus on what your partner is saying without planning your response. It can make a massive difference because we often plan rebuttals or comebacks in heated conversations, even before the other party has made their point.

When Alex and Emily identified their core values and communication styles, they realized where they could better support each other. Alex learned to appreciate Emily’s spontaneity, and Emily made an effort to give Alex a heads-up whenever she changed her mind about plans.

It’s important to observe how you and your partner handle conflicts, disagreements, and difficult conversations. Do you listen to each other’s perspectives? Are you both willing to compromise and find a solution together? Or are you constantly at odds andstruggling to communicate effectively? These can be good indicators of how compatible you are in handling challenges as a team, adds Dr. Ignatov.

Finally, consider your lifestyle and emotional needs. Are you both morning people, or does one of you love late nights? Do you show love through words, touch, or actions? Talk about your preferences exhaustively to find a balance that works for both of you.

Being with the right partner should bring out the best in you andmake you feel supported and loved.Pay attention to how they make you feel—do they uplift and inspire you or bring stress and negativity into your life? Our feelings towards someone can be a good and strong indicator of compatibility, says Dr. Ignatov.

Fulfilling Your Needs in a Relationship

Having different personalities doesn’t have to be a problem; being aware that you do can, instead, be an excellent opportunity to improve your relationship.

Communication is already essential in the average relationship; it’s doubly so when you have differing personalities. Remember to keep the conversations open and honest, listen to understand, and not react. Use “I” statements to express your thoughts without sounding accusatory when in doubt. For instance, say, “I feel overwhelmedwhen plans change at the last minute” instead of “You always change plans.”

Active listeningis a term you’ll hear a lot from us mental health professionals, and for good reason, says Dr. Ignatov. Active listening is a very effective communication tool, especially when navigating conflicts. It’s when we truly listen to understand rather than listening to respond. You really make the effort to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and see things from their perspective. This can help bridge the gap between different personality types and create a deeper understanding and connection.

However, you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself and your well-being to make space for others. Set clear boundaries about the things that matter the most to you. Let your partner know if certain behaviors or habits make you want to pull your hair out, no matter how youtry to compromise. Maybe you need quiet time after work, or your partner needs a heads-up before social events. Respecting each other’s needs helps reduce friction.

What This Means For YouRemember, no one is entirely incompatible with anyone. As you navigate your differences, don’t forget to acknowledge all of your common ground. What’s important is how you feel about your partner and how dedicated you both are to the relationship.

What This Means For You

Remember, no one is entirely incompatible with anyone. As you navigate your differences, don’t forget to acknowledge all of your common ground. What’s important is how you feel about your partner and how dedicated you both are to the relationship.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Woods RA, Hill PB.Myers brigg.In: StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing; 2024.Blose TM, Yeates AC, Som M, Murray KA, Vassar M, Stroup J.The Enneagram and its application in medical education.Proc (Bayl Univ Med Cent). 36(1):54-58.

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Woods RA, Hill PB.Myers brigg.In: StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing; 2024.Blose TM, Yeates AC, Som M, Murray KA, Vassar M, Stroup J.The Enneagram and its application in medical education.Proc (Bayl Univ Med Cent). 36(1):54-58.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Woods RA, Hill PB.Myers brigg.In: StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing; 2024.Blose TM, Yeates AC, Som M, Murray KA, Vassar M, Stroup J.The Enneagram and its application in medical education.Proc (Bayl Univ Med Cent). 36(1):54-58.

Woods RA, Hill PB.Myers brigg.In: StatPearls. StatPearls Publishing; 2024.

Blose TM, Yeates AC, Som M, Murray KA, Vassar M, Stroup J.The Enneagram and its application in medical education.Proc (Bayl Univ Med Cent). 36(1):54-58.

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