When You Don't Want to Live—But You Don't Want to Die

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsActive vs. Passive Suicidal IdeationWhat to Do If You Feel Like ThisHow to Help Someone

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Active vs. Passive Suicidal Ideation

What to Do If You Feel Like This

How to Help Someone

Information presented in this article may be triggering to some people. If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.988

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

988

If you’ve ever thought “I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die”—you’re not alone. Major life stressors,childhood trauma, oruntreated depressionare all reasons that someone might feel this way.

This can be consideredsuicidal ideation, which means thinking about taking your own life. Nine percent of people experience suicidal ideation in their lifetimes,but only 14% of those make attempts.The rate of completed suicides is even lower—for every 31 attempts, there is only one completed attempt.

Loneliness Test: Are You Feeling Lonely?

The Difference Between Active Suicidal Ideation & Passive Suicidal Ideation

However, passive suicidal ideation can quickly turn active(i.e., having a plan, means, and intent).

It’s important to remember that feeling suicidal is a state that can change rapidly.—JANEL CUBBAGE, LCPC, LICENSED THERAPIST AND SUICIDOLOGIST

It’s important to remember that feeling suicidal is a state that can change rapidly.

—JANEL CUBBAGE, LCPC, LICENSED THERAPIST AND SUICIDOLOGIST

This means the feelings can also be reduced quickly, including through promising new interventions such asketamine infusion therapyandtranscranial magnetic stimulation (TMS).

Why Do I Feel Like This?

Feeling like you don’t want to live but you don’t want to die means that something hurts. “It can convey emotional pain and a desire for change,” says Cubbage.

It may signify that you feel like much is outside ofyour locus of control, and those feelings of powerlessness can also lead to the hopelessnessthat makes it feel pointless to live. Or perhaps you are feeling a bit of anexistential crisis—wondering what the point of all this is. You might be wondering why the minutiae of your life matter and whyyoumatter.

Grappling with these big life questions can be really hard and may feel incredibly isolating, making it easy for you to spiral and believe thatnothingmatters. However,existentialquestioning can also open up space for more meaning in your life as you think about whatdoesmatter to you.

‘What Is the Point of Life?': Why You Might Feel This Way

What Do I Do When I Feel Like I Want to Die?

You may be feeling desperate right now, but there are a number of things you can do, such as therapy, reaching out to your social support network, andsafety planning.

Therapy

If you are not already in some kind of mental health treatment, consider seeing a therapist who can help you work through these feelings and find out why it is that you feel like you can’t live like this.

They can also help you identifycoping toolsyou can use to keep yourself safe and reduce these feelings.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programs, includingBrightside, which specifically offers help for people experiencing suicidal ideation. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programs, includingBrightside, which specifically offers help for people experiencing suicidal ideation. Find out which option is the best for you.

Safety Planning

“Safety planningis an evidenced-based way to help prevent hospitalization and attempts,” says Cubbage.

In research with suicidal patientsin the emergency room, safety planning was associated with the patients being half as likely to exhibit future suicidal behavior and twice as likely to attend mental health treatment.

Some key things to include on a safety plan include a list of coping strategies that have worked for you andsources of support. Sources of support can be friends and family as well as mental health professionals—either your therapist or a local mental health agency that you can contact.

Mental health professionals sometimes use a tool called the “Reasons for Living Inventory"to assess for suicidality, but you might also want to look at it on your own to begin to jog your memory of reasons you want to live. Or you can make a list on your own—and nothing is too small to include. If you want to live because you love your morningcoffee, that counts!

Just ashopelessnesscan lead to feeling like you don’t want to live—but you don’t necessarily want to die—feelings of hope mean that there is a glimmer of light out there. In a study, those who identified more reasons for living were better able to access those reasons, even in periods of depression.

Depressionor suicidal thoughts may lie to you and tell you you’re a burden—but they’re lying. Your loved ones care about you and want to help you—and social support is one of the leading protective factors against suicide.

Some benefits that social support provides:

Feeling like you belong—because of social support—increases self-esteem and reduces feelings of burdensomeness. A feeling of belonging may contribute to reduced suicidality.

Find Connection

Research showsthat having some kind of religious practice reduces the risk of depression and suicide, due to feelings of meaning, purpose andgratitudeoften felt in connection with religious involvement.

If you’re not religious, but you’respiritual, the same applies to spirituality in its ability to help you find meaning in life.

7 Tips for Finding Your Purpose in Life

How to Help Someone Else

If you’re a loved oneworried about someonewho has said they don’t want to live anymore but they don’t want to die either, we know this can be scary for you, too.

Janel CubbageYour natural instinct may be to remind them of the reasons they have for living or to tell them to think about their friends and family and how their death would affect them. Push those instincts to the side and listen to them. Hear them. Let them tell you what’s contributing to their emotional pain.

Janel Cubbage

Your natural instinct may be to remind them of the reasons they have for living or to tell them to think about their friends and family and how their death would affect them. Push those instincts to the side and listen to them. Hear them. Let them tell you what’s contributing to their emotional pain.

Of course, if someone is in imminent danger, contact emergency services or bring them to the nearest emergency department.

What This Means For YouWe acknowledge how brave it is for you to realize that you don’t want to live like this anymore—andthat you don’t want to die. A safety plan and asupport networkcan help you through this crisis.

What This Means For You

We acknowledge how brave it is for you to realize that you don’t want to live like this anymore—andthat you don’t want to die. A safety plan and asupport networkcan help you through this crisis.

How to Admit Yourself to a Psychiatric Hospital

12 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Nock MK, Borges G, Bromet EJ, et al.Cross-national prevalence and risk factors for suicidal ideation, plans and attempts. Br J Psychiatry. 2008;192(2):98-105. doi:10.1192/bjp.bp.107.040113

Jyunn Lai Y, Chi Tan H, Ting Wang C, Chi Wu W, Yi Wang L, Chih Shen Y.Difference in cognitive flexibility between passive and active suicidal ideation in patients with depression. Neuropsychiatry. 2018;08(04). doi:10.4172/Neuropsychiatry.1000446

Ballard ED, Gilbert JR, Wusinich C, Zarate CAJ.New methods for assessing rapid changes in suicide risk.Front Psychiatry. 2021;0. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.598434

Ribeiro JD, Huang X, Fox KR, Franklin JC.Depression and hopelessness as risk factors for suicide ideation, attempts and death: meta-analysis of longitudinal studies.Br J Psychiatry. 2018;212(5):279-286. doi:10.1192/bjp.2018.27

Stanley B, Brown GK.Safety planning intervention: a brief intervention to mitigate suicide risk.Cognitive and Behavioral Practice. 2012;19(2):256-264. doi:10.1016/j.cbpra.2011.01.001

Linehan MM, Goodstein JL, Nielsen SL, Chiles JA.Reasons for staying alive when you are thinking of killing yourself: The Reasons for Living Inventory. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 1983;51(2):276-286. doi:10.1037/0022-006X.51.2.276

Luo X, Wang Q, Wang X, Cai T.Reasons for living and hope as the protective factors against suicidality in Chinese patients with depression: a cross sectional study. BMC Psychiatry. 2016;16(1):252. doi:10.1186/s12888-016-0960-0

Kleiman EM, Liu RT.Social support as a protective factor in suicide: Findings from two nationally representative samples. Journal of Affective Disorders. 2013;150(2):540-545. doi:10.1016/j.jad.2013.01.033

Kleiman EM, Riskind JH.Utilized social support and self-esteem mediate the relationship between perceived social support and suicide ideation. A test of a multiple mediator model. Crisis. 2013;34(1):42-49. doi:10.1027/0227-5910/a000159

Koenig HG.Association of religious involvement and suicide. JAMA Psychiatry. 2016;73(8):775. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2016.1214

McClintock CH, Worhunsky PD, Xu J, et al.Spiritual experiences are related to engagement of a ventral frontotemporal functional brain network: Implications for prevention and treatment of behavioral and substance addictions. J Behav Addict. 2019;8(4):678-691. doi:10.1556/2006.8.2019.71

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?

The Difference Between Active Suicidal Ideation & Passive Suicidal Ideation#

Why Do I Feel Like This?#

What Do I Do When I Feel Like I Want to Die?#

Therapy#

Get Help Now#

Safety Planning#

Seek Social Support#

Find Connection#

How to Help Someone Else#

Janel Cubbage#

What This Means For You#