When Oversharing Turns into Trauma Dumping, and How to Stop

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSocial Media Breeds Trauma DumpingWhy Trauma Dumping Can Push People AwaySigns You Might be a Trauma Dumper and How to StopHow to Set Boundaries

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Social Media Breeds Trauma Dumping

Why Trauma Dumping Can Push People Away

Signs You Might be a Trauma Dumper and How to Stop

How to Set Boundaries

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Sharing our stress, anxiety, and worries with others can help process difficult feelings. And, no doubt, the pandemic has brought on a lot of reasons to vent.

But when doesventingturn into trauma dumping—oversharing oftraumatic experiences?

“Some people may feel the need to share about traumatic experiences to a friend, family member, coworker, or acquaintance, but may not always fully grasp the severity or intensity of what they are about to share,” saysBrittany Becker, LMHC and director at The Dorm.

This is especially true if the person oversharing has not identified specific areas of their life as being a traumatic experience.

When a person experiences a traumatic event or ongoing trauma, Becker says they mightcompartmentalizeor create distance from the events in order to protect themselves and function in their day-to-day life.

“This can become confusing to [listen to] as they may speak about [trauma] as matter of fact or in the same manner of everyday surface level venting, when in actuality the words they are stating are actually very opposite from tone or affect that they may be presenting the information in,” Becker says.

The fine line between venting and trauma dumping comes down to this, saysGina Moffa, LCSW, psychotherapist: with trauma dumping, the purpose is to solicit sympathy and feedback.

It’s simply making your painful experiences, and devastating emotional setbacks the point to your conversations, wherein you do not have the ability to self-reflect or bring responsibility or accountability to your side of the story.—GINA MOFFA, LCSW

It’s simply making your painful experiences, and devastating emotional setbacks the point to your conversations, wherein you do not have the ability to self-reflect or bring responsibility or accountability to your side of the story.

—GINA MOFFA, LCSW

However, in venting, most of the time, she says people are aware they are expressing pent up emotions, and that their venting is a one-time thing.

“[They are] not soliciting sympathy, as much as simply the need to ‘get this off their chest,’” says Moffa.

Your Partner Is Not Your Therapist

Writing about your feelings onsocial mediacan feel easier than talking about them in person sometimes.

“It’s much safer to share your pain on a platform, behind a screen. With more and more people on social media, it has become a safer place to share personal stories and information more readily,” says Moffa.

Plus, Becker says the ability for social media to reach many people makes it likely you will get validating responses, differing opinions that allow you to reframe your thinking, and a test audience to see how people react to your story before sharing it with those closest to you.

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While sharing traumatic experiences can be helpful, if you trauma dump incessantly to garner attention or sympathy, Moffa says people may become immune to it.

We have to be careful that we are not sharing deeply personal information, while looking for people to respond over and over again with the same level of sympathy and concern.—GINA MOFFA, LCSW

We have to be careful that we are not sharing deeply personal information, while looking for people to respond over and over again with the same level of sympathy and concern.

Doing so can push people away and encourage them to distance themselves because they may feel the following, notes Becker.

Moffa says those who trauma dump are usually people who feel alone and want to feel heard and validated, “but who also wind up isolating themselves further because they dump on people without…awareness, which in turn, creates more of a chasm for them. Connection is therefore, unfortunately, never reached, although it’s what they yearn for most.”

Coping With Emotionally Draining Friends

If you’re pushing people away and not sure if it’s due to trauma dumping, Becker says consider the following signs:

Once you realize you are trauma dumping and understand the consequences it has on your relationships and your own wellness, Becker says identify a list of people who you can reach out to when you need to discuss your trauma.

Before contacting them, ask yourself what your motivations and goals are for discussing the trauma with them. Then consider starting your conversation with statements like:

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We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

She says practicing mindfulness and activities that engage the five senses can also help process trauma.

Moffa suggests journaling or letter-writing, “which allows your brain to process the story you’re telling yourself in a potentially new way.”

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If you’re the one getting dumped on, Becker suggests validating the person’s feelings and showing empathy, but telling them you do not feel comfortable being in the conversation.

“[Then offer] to help them secure the more helpful person or professional to talk to about this,” she says.

Moffa agrees, stressing that friends and online communities are not substitutes forprofessional help, which a person who trauma dumps may need.

“They need someone to gently guide them through their narrative and help them find a place where they can safely self-reflect, therefore, garnering more of a sense of empowerment over their life, and story,” she says.

While venting to friends, family and social media followers can feel helpful, sometimes oversharing your trauma can turn people away. Understanding what trauma dumping is and why you do it can help you maintain relationships and find the help you need.

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SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carbone E, Loewenstein GF.Dying to divulge: the determinants of, and relationship between, desired and actual disclosure.SSRN Electronic Journal. Published online 2020. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3613232Marmarosh CL, Forsyth DR, Strauss B, Burlingame GM.The psychology of the COVID-19 pandemic: A group-level perspective.Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice. 2020;24(3). doi:10.1037/gdn0000142Raun T.“Talking about his dead child, again!” Emotional self-management in relation to online mourning.First Monday. 2017;22(11). doi:10.5210/fm.v22i11.7810

Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carbone E, Loewenstein GF.Dying to divulge: the determinants of, and relationship between, desired and actual disclosure.SSRN Electronic Journal. Published online 2020. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3613232Marmarosh CL, Forsyth DR, Strauss B, Burlingame GM.The psychology of the COVID-19 pandemic: A group-level perspective.Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice. 2020;24(3). doi:10.1037/gdn0000142Raun T.“Talking about his dead child, again!” Emotional self-management in relation to online mourning.First Monday. 2017;22(11). doi:10.5210/fm.v22i11.7810

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Carbone E, Loewenstein GF.Dying to divulge: the determinants of, and relationship between, desired and actual disclosure.SSRN Electronic Journal. Published online 2020. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3613232Marmarosh CL, Forsyth DR, Strauss B, Burlingame GM.The psychology of the COVID-19 pandemic: A group-level perspective.Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice. 2020;24(3). doi:10.1037/gdn0000142Raun T.“Talking about his dead child, again!” Emotional self-management in relation to online mourning.First Monday. 2017;22(11). doi:10.5210/fm.v22i11.7810

Carbone E, Loewenstein GF.Dying to divulge: the determinants of, and relationship between, desired and actual disclosure.SSRN Electronic Journal. Published online 2020. doi:10.2139/ssrn.3613232

Marmarosh CL, Forsyth DR, Strauss B, Burlingame GM.The psychology of the COVID-19 pandemic: A group-level perspective.Group Dynamics: Theory, Research, and Practice. 2020;24(3). doi:10.1037/gdn0000142

Raun T.“Talking about his dead child, again!” Emotional self-management in relation to online mourning.First Monday. 2017;22(11). doi:10.5210/fm.v22i11.7810

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