Almost everyone has experienced family drama at one time or another. For some people, there is sibling rivalry that continues into adulthood. For others, it is a dramatic parent who expresses their disapproval in very obvious ways. Nobody feels good about family conflict, but, in some families, it is bearable and fairly infrequent. However, in other families, drama becomes a constant source of unhappiness and even toxicity.

When “Drama” Becomes Toxic

Family drama becomes toxic when it makes you feel anxious, sad, and angry when you think aboutthe prospect of spending time with your family members. If there is no comfort or positivity when you contemplate hanging out with your loved ones, then it is time to introspect deeply about your family’s interactional style and its impact on your life and mental health.

One major way that families can be toxic is when all family members enable a self-absorbed or dramatic parent to act in dysfunctional ways. For example, if your mother is highly dramatic and can cry at the drop of a hat, other family members may learn to “walk on eggshells” around her. Your father may entreat you and your siblings not to say anything that could make your mother upset, which may end up meaning that you tensely sit around, making small talk and hoping that your mother doesn’t react poorly to any comment that anyone makes.

This sort of situation, where all family members have to police their own behaviors in order to not upset a specific person, can be common in families where one member suffers from Narcissistic orBorderline Personality Disorder. Also, when a family member is highly anxious or depressed, people can guard themselves closely so as not to bother this person. Such a family becomes stressed and guarded, and interactions between all family members may feel awkward, even if they don’t include the “suffering” family member.

Passive Aggressiveness and “Scapegoating”

Overcoming Familial Toxicity

If you find yourself fearing family encounters, and making excuses not to call home or go home for family events or holidays, it is useful to consider whether the family drama has reached toxic levels.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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