What's the Psychology Behind Mommy Issues?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHistoryCausesUsesWhat to DoCoping Tips

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

History

Causes

Uses

What to Do

Coping Tips

Close

“Mommy issues” is a term used to describe the issues females face later in life due to the relationship they had with their mothers as a child. When referring to males, having mommy issues can mean being too close to their mother or seeking a partner who is like their mother, often comparing the two.

While these challenges can manifest differently in males and females, they’re no less real. If the mother was unkind or continuously critiqued the child’s appearance, for instance, it can compromise the child’s self-worth for years to come.

Although mommy issues isn’t an actual clinical term, the concepts behind it can often be explained with psychological theories. This is partially because the role of a mother is still widely considered to be the most important, especially in early childhood.

The idea ofdaddy issuesis thrown around pretty frequently. However, the notion that someone may experience mommy issues can be just as prevalent as these issues can pop up for anyone who had a toxic, estranged, or even overly-doting relationship with their mother or mother figure.

At a Glance

How to Deal With Difficult Family Members

What’s The History Of Mommy Issues?

Just as the concept of daddy issues is more notable in male children, mommy issues are more prevalent in female children. There are some notable psychological theories that help explain mommy issues.

Freud’s Psychosexual Theory

Sigmund Freudwould argue that this is because of the Oedipus and  Electra complexes, which he described in hispsychosexual stages of development:

That’s right, the entire idea is that kids view their same-sex parent as competition. Freud theorized that this concept arises between the ages of three and five, and that if it continues, it can lead to the child having issues in their romantic relationships as they grow older.

The following are three types of insecure attachment styles:

I Hate My Mother: What to Do When You Feel This Way

Why Do Mommy Issues Occur?

Alternatively, mothers who remembered feeling overprotected and constantly entangled with their own mothers went on to form insecure or avoidant attachments with their own children. The same goes for moms who were dismissive or overly critical of their children.

Intergenerational mother-daughter relationshipshave been found to have a huge impact on the child’s future in regard to their parenting and relationship styles.Basically, this is a cycle that can easily continue if you don’t recognize and take action against it.

Why Does My Mom Hate Me?

When Is the Term “Mommy Issues” Used?

Men with Mommy Issues

For men, it can often be associated with the term “mama’s boy,” which is basically saying that someone is too close to their mother. This can happen when moms are super servile and instill in men a sense that this is how women should behave.

It can lead to men having expectations of such behavior in romantic relationships and even seeking out female partners who check this box. It can also lead to them mentally pitting their romantic partners' attributes against their mother’s.

Women with Mommy Issues

This term manifests completely differently for women. If a female child has mommy issues, it’s more typically referencing that a mother nitpicked or verbally put down their daughter. This can lead to self-confidence and self-image issues later in life. It can also lead totrust issuessince the person that you trusted for your primary care let you down in this way.

Should You Salvage Your Relationship With Your Mother?

If the relationship is causing you stress, take steps back and evaluate why this is: Is your mom trying to involve herself in your life too heavily again? Is she offering constant input on your decisions?

If these things are happening, talk to your mom about it and let her know that you won’t be welcoming this kind of interaction. If she can take these notes, then the relationship is probably worth maintaining. If not, you may need to take a step back for a while before giving her another chance.

How To Overcome Mommy Issues

In a study that looked at parents who were abused as children, parents who broke the cycle had a few things in common.These commonalities demonstrate how people have overcome mommy issues in their pasts.

Building Emotional Support Networks

Awareness of the Past

Everyone who broke the cycle of intergenerational abuse had an awareness of their past experiences. They also had a certain amount of anger toward what had happened to them, which is a sign of recognition of the actions that were abusive. Pinpointing these actions prevent people from perpetuating them.

Participation in Therapy

Finally, people who went on to recover from their mommy issues underwent psychotherapy. This helped them identify the abuse in their past, mourn it, and provided them with an outlet of understanding toward how it happened and how to prevent it from happening in the future.

Takeaways

Mommy issues can have lasting impacts that seriously hurt. It’s totally understandable if it takes you a significant amount of time to overcome the mental strife that you were put through as a child or adolescent. Be patient with yourself and work through these issues so that you can stop the cycle ofunhealthy relationshipsin your family.

Toxic Mother: Definition, Signs, and How to Cope

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Gilligan M, Suitor JJ, Pillemer K.Estrangement between mothers and adult children: The role of norms and values.J Marriage Fam. 2015;77(4):908–920. doi:10.1111%2Fjomf.12207Kretchmar Ph.D MD, Jacobvitz Ph.D. DB.Observing mother-child relationships across generations: Boundary patterns, attachment, and the transmission of caregiving*.Department of Human Ecology, Division of Human Development and Family Studies. 2004. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41306.xKalfon Hakhmigari M, Peled Y, Krissi H, Levy S, Molmen-Lichter M, Handelzalts JE.Anxious attachment mediates the associations between early recollections of mother’s own parental bonding and mother-infant bonding: A 2-month path analysis model.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:682161. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.682161Matsuoka N, Uji M, Hiramura H, Chen Z, Shikai N, Kishida Y, Kitamura T.Adolescents’ attachment style and early experiences: a gender difference.Arch Womens Ment Health. 2005;9(1):9-23. doi:/10.1007/s00737-005-0105-9Langeland W, Dijkstra S.Breaking the intergenerational transmission of child abuse: Beyond the mother‐child relationship.Child Abuse Review. 1995;4(1):4-13. doi:10.1002/car.2380040104

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Gilligan M, Suitor JJ, Pillemer K.Estrangement between mothers and adult children: The role of norms and values.J Marriage Fam. 2015;77(4):908–920. doi:10.1111%2Fjomf.12207Kretchmar Ph.D MD, Jacobvitz Ph.D. DB.Observing mother-child relationships across generations: Boundary patterns, attachment, and the transmission of caregiving*.Department of Human Ecology, Division of Human Development and Family Studies. 2004. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41306.xKalfon Hakhmigari M, Peled Y, Krissi H, Levy S, Molmen-Lichter M, Handelzalts JE.Anxious attachment mediates the associations between early recollections of mother’s own parental bonding and mother-infant bonding: A 2-month path analysis model.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:682161. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.682161Matsuoka N, Uji M, Hiramura H, Chen Z, Shikai N, Kishida Y, Kitamura T.Adolescents’ attachment style and early experiences: a gender difference.Arch Womens Ment Health. 2005;9(1):9-23. doi:/10.1007/s00737-005-0105-9Langeland W, Dijkstra S.Breaking the intergenerational transmission of child abuse: Beyond the mother‐child relationship.Child Abuse Review. 1995;4(1):4-13. doi:10.1002/car.2380040104

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Gilligan M, Suitor JJ, Pillemer K.Estrangement between mothers and adult children: The role of norms and values.J Marriage Fam. 2015;77(4):908–920. doi:10.1111%2Fjomf.12207Kretchmar Ph.D MD, Jacobvitz Ph.D. DB.Observing mother-child relationships across generations: Boundary patterns, attachment, and the transmission of caregiving*.Department of Human Ecology, Division of Human Development and Family Studies. 2004. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41306.xKalfon Hakhmigari M, Peled Y, Krissi H, Levy S, Molmen-Lichter M, Handelzalts JE.Anxious attachment mediates the associations between early recollections of mother’s own parental bonding and mother-infant bonding: A 2-month path analysis model.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:682161. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.682161Matsuoka N, Uji M, Hiramura H, Chen Z, Shikai N, Kishida Y, Kitamura T.Adolescents’ attachment style and early experiences: a gender difference.Arch Womens Ment Health. 2005;9(1):9-23. doi:/10.1007/s00737-005-0105-9Langeland W, Dijkstra S.Breaking the intergenerational transmission of child abuse: Beyond the mother‐child relationship.Child Abuse Review. 1995;4(1):4-13. doi:10.1002/car.2380040104

Gilligan M, Suitor JJ, Pillemer K.Estrangement between mothers and adult children: The role of norms and values.J Marriage Fam. 2015;77(4):908–920. doi:10.1111%2Fjomf.12207

Kretchmar Ph.D MD, Jacobvitz Ph.D. DB.Observing mother-child relationships across generations: Boundary patterns, attachment, and the transmission of caregiving*.Department of Human Ecology, Division of Human Development and Family Studies. 2004. doi:10.1111/j.1545-5300.2002.41306.x

Kalfon Hakhmigari M, Peled Y, Krissi H, Levy S, Molmen-Lichter M, Handelzalts JE.Anxious attachment mediates the associations between early recollections of mother’s own parental bonding and mother-infant bonding: A 2-month path analysis model.Front Psychiatry. 2021;12:682161. doi:10.3389/fpsyt.2021.682161

Matsuoka N, Uji M, Hiramura H, Chen Z, Shikai N, Kishida Y, Kitamura T.Adolescents’ attachment style and early experiences: a gender difference.Arch Womens Ment Health. 2005;9(1):9-23. doi:/10.1007/s00737-005-0105-9

Langeland W, Dijkstra S.Breaking the intergenerational transmission of child abuse: Beyond the mother‐child relationship.Child Abuse Review. 1995;4(1):4-13. doi:10.1002/car.2380040104

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?