Emotional affairs are non-sexual, but intense emotional actions with someone outside of a committedrelationship. They’re arguably more easily facilitated with the help of modern technology like dating apps or social networks. Unlike prior decades, those who haveaffairsdon’t only relegate themselves to people in their direct proximity (such as work), but may establish real connections with others in far away places.

Emotional affairs are a type of infidelity (cheating). However, everyone has different opinions on what constitutes cheating, so there’s a lot of variation in what might be characterized as an emotional affair.

Signs of an Emotional Affair

Here are some signs you may be having an emotional affair:

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Couples Therapy OnlineStrengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.

Couples Therapy Online

Strengthen your relationship through couples therapy you can participate in together or apart, at your convenience.

Learn more

The Impact of An Affair

Many social science researchers have examined the effects of affairs on those in a relationship, and as one might expect,affairs can lead to depression, rage and anger, and loss of self-esteem or self-confidence.

If you’re a partner that is being cheated on, whether that’s a physical or emotional affair, it’s likely that you might experience feelings ofanger, jealousy, resentment and sadness. It’s not uncommon for partners of those who cheat to also struggle with self-esteem issues.

If you discover that your partner is involved with someone else, it’s natural to consider how you might not be living up to their expectations or hopes. However, this isn’t always the reasoning behindwhy some people cheat.

And while it may be hard to imagine, some people whochooseto have affairs also experience a range of negativeemotionsthemselves such as guilt, shame, sadness, depression, or frustration.

Why do People Cheat?

Why people in committed relationships cheatis a question we’ve addressed before on the Talkspace blog, but there are a few additional reasons why someone might get involved in an emotional affair. That said, it’s important to note that everyone’s situation is different.

Because they can

It may sound harsh, but some people have emotional affairs because they can and want to. Some people believe that they won’t get caught (or that their partner might consider what they’re doing cheating) and therefore don’t hold fast to the commitments they’ve made to their partners.

Some in this category may also think that they won’t suffer negativeconsequencesif caught (and sometimes they don’t), making infidelity a somehow tenable option for those looking for connection outside of their relationship.

They are missing something

Some people who cheat on their partners do so because they are missing something from their primary relationship. In some instances this is physical, but it can also be emotional.

For instance, if your partner never offers praise or expresses affection for you, it’s normal to crave that kind ofattention. As such, it would be hard to resist the positive feedback of a friend or coworker. This can, unfortunately, turn into an ongoing need and expectation that this “friend” will continue to provide such support. This may also lead to the development of deeper feelings, or attraction, leading to an ongoing emotional affair.

They have impulse control issues

Sometimes people who have affairs might also have poorimpulsecontrol and emotional regulation. That is, they may be subjected to the same temptations that we all experience with other potential partners, but have a much harder time controlling their feelings for someone, more likely to act on those feelings, and more easily fall into destructive behavior.

This is also true for emotional affairs where boundaries are ignored or crossed routinely for the sake of a new, exciting connection.

What to Do if You Find Yourself in an Emotional Affair

Either way, you’re entitled to your feelings and to receive support during this time. A therapist can aid you in your journey, independent of whether you stay with your cheating partner or not. And therapy can offer a safe space to fully explore the range of your emotions associated with emotional affairs.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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