What to Talk About in Therapy

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsThe Importance of Open CommunicationExploring Past ExperiencesEmotions and Emotional RegulationRelationships and Interpersonal DynamicsSelf-Reflection and Self-DiscoveryA Word From Verywell

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

The Importance of Open Communication

Exploring Past Experiences

Emotions and Emotional Regulation

Relationships and Interpersonal Dynamics

Self-Reflection and Self-Discovery

A Word From Verywell

It can be difficult to think of what topics to discuss intherapy, especially for those who have never been to counseling before. Therefore, it is important to familiarize yourself with different topics that may come up during a session. Here, we’ll discuss various topics that can be explored in therapy, as well as provide helpful tips on how to best approach the conversation.Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.The Importance of Open CommunicationTrust andrapportbetween the therapist and client are built through open and honest dialogue.When you feel comfortable opening up and talking truthfully about your experiences, it will help your therapist understand what is going on in your life. This allows them to provide more meaningful insights and advice that are tailored to your specific needs.The benefits of expressing thoughts and emotions freely in a safe, non-judgmental environment include the following:ReducedanxietyandstressImproved ability to cope with difficult emotionsIncreasedself-awarenessand understanding of your behavior patternsBettercommunicationskills in relationshipsIncreased feelings ofself-acceptanceandresilience"Talk about the thing or things you don’t want to talk about," adviseslicensed psychologist Jonathan Green, PhD. “Many times we walk into therapy with something on our mind or that happened during the week that we’d rather not discuss. Maybe it’s embarrassing or something we’re shy about. That’s often the best place to start and the thing that will help us to bring about the greatest amount of change that session.“The Best Online Therapy for Anxiety, Tried and TestedIdentifying Your GoalsIt is important to reflect on your personal goals and desired outcomes from therapy.Identify what changes you would like to make in your life and how you can achieve them. Knowing your goals makes it easier for the therapist to design atreatment planthat works for you.Setting realistic and achievablegoalswith the help of a therapist involves the following steps:Recognizing any unhealthy patterns or behaviors that you would like to change.Identifying actionable steps that will help you move towards your desired outcome.Implementing an appropriate plan of action.Tracking progress over time and adjusting your approach as needed.Examples of common therapeutic goals includemanaging anxiety, improvingself-esteem, or resolvingrelationship conflicts.Some other areas that could be discussed in therapy include:Traumaand difficult life experiencesGriefand lossStress managementtechniquesProblem-solvingskillsCoping strategiesfor challenging emotionsDealing withdepressionor emotional painDr. Green’s advice: “At the start of therapy, help your therapist to understand what you’d like to be different in your life. What would you like to be able to do, think, and feel once you’re ‘done’ with therapy? A classic question therapists will ask here is, ‘How will we know when we’re done?'“The Best Online Trauma Therapy, Tried and TestedExploring Past ExperiencesPast experiences shape your thoughts, behaviors, and emotional well-being throughmemories, beliefs, expectations, attachments, and values. Exploring these experiences in therapy can be helpful in understanding how they are impacting your current life and behavior.For example, talking about an experience from childhood might help you to identify why certain relationship patterns or thought processes have been difficult to change throughout your adult years.It’s important to delve into childhood experiences, traumas, or significant life events that may impact your current mental health if and when you’re ready. Trusting yourself and your therapist to navigate through these challenging conversations can be daunting, but important for healing andpersonal growth.It’s also important to understand the connections between past experiences and present challenges. Therapy should focus on the present as much as the past, and help you develop skills and strategies for managing difficult emotions in your current life. These strategies may includemindfulness,journaling, or positive self-talk.“I encourage people to talk about things that still feel ‘sticky’ in their mind or disturbing in their body,” saysEmily Maynard, MA, LMFT. “Often people minimize their hardship or trauma because they feel like it ‘wasn’t that bad’ or they compare their experience to someone who ‘had it worse.’ But trauma doesn’t just go away because you ignore it or can keep it compartmentalized most of the time. Trauma is more about how your body interpreted the experience at the time rather than what happened. Trauma is unique to the person.“Emotions and Emotional RegulationExploring and understanding your emotions during therapy is significant because it can help you to better comprehend how they affect your daily life.It is important to develop a greater understanding of how your thoughts, environment, and relationships contribute to your emotional state.To identify andregulate your emotions, it’s helpful to become aware of what triggers them and how they manifest in your body.Common emotions that can be challenging to navigate includeanger,sadness,anxiety, orguilt. Below are some tips for managing difficult emotions in a healthy and constructive way:Express your feelings in asafe environment.Acknowledge the emotion without judgment and let it pass.Learn relaxation techniques such asdeep breathingorprogressive muscle relaxation.Exercise or do something creative to help process the emotion.Identify ways to respond to the emotion in a productive and healthy way.Identify any underlying issues or triggers that may be causing the emotion.Develop an action plan for challenging times or situations.Usemindfulness exercisesorguided imageryto help you stay in the present moment.Use journaling to help you process your emotions.Therapy can help you become aware of your emotions, develop healthier coping strategies, and build resilience to manage emotions more effectively in the future.Relationships and Interpersonal DynamicsYour relationships have an impact on your mental health and overall well-being through communication patterns, dynamics, and interactions. Exploring these factors in therapy can help you to develop healthier relationships and identify patterns of behavior that may be holding you back.It is important to discuss interpersonal challenges, including family dynamics, romantic relationships, friendships, and workplace interactions during therapy. Doing so can help you to identify potential sources of stress, develop communication andlistening skills, and learn to practiceempathyin your relationships.This goes for your relationship with your therapist as well. “If you’ve had an odd interaction with your therapist, are feeling uncomfortable, or don’t understand something, talk about it!” says Dr. Green. “Talking specifically about the relationship you and your therapist have, especially when things feel off, can be incredibly helpful and can bring about an incredible amount of understanding and change.“As we don’t do this in our everyday relationships, it may seem odd to say everything that comes to mind, including thoughts about the person right in front of us. But therapy offers a unique opportunity to explore these important thoughts and feelings that we tend to avoid facing more directly.The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and TestedSelf-Reflection and Self-DiscoverySelf-reflection can be used as a tool for personal growth and increased self-awareness.It involves reflecting on your thoughts, feelings, behavioral patterns, and reactions to situations.This can also involve “free association,” which encourages the expression of everything that comes to mind without censorship, no matter how apparently irrational the connections may seem.Therapy can help you to become more aware of your inner dialogue and identify how it is influencing your life. By learning about your unhelpful thought patterns or behaviors, you can develop healthier coping strategies for facing challenges in the future.In addition, exploring your values, beliefs, strengths, and areas for improvement can help you gain a better understanding of yourself and your unique qualities. Therapy can be a safe place to process these experiences without fear of judgment or criticism.Activities such as journaling,meditation, or engaging in creative outlets can facilitate self-discovery. Here are some other tips for self-reflection and personal growth:Set aside time each day to reflect on your thoughts and feelings.Reflect on the choices you make in different situations and consider alternative ways of approaching them.Notice any patterns in your behavior or emotions that might be holding you back from achieving your goals.Acknowledge areas forgrowthand identify steps to make positive changes.Listen to yourintuitionand trust yourself to make decisions that are best for you.Challenge yourself with new activities or experiences that can help you learn more about yourself.Celebrate your successes and recognize the progress you have made in self-discovery.Dr. Green identifies one caveat: “If you can, see if you can avoid the ‘doorknob comment.’ Often times folks will think of something particularly significant just as they’re leaving session. Often times this is something that is particularly uncomfortable that our subconscious mind is trying to avoid discussing, so it gets saved to the end of session so there’s very little time to discuss it.“Sometimes it’s helpful to imagine that, if I were to have to get up and leave the session right now, what would I want to have said that I haven’t said yet. This will allow you and your therapist more time to process some of the most difficult to talk about (but also some of the most meaningful and important) content.—JONATHAN GREEN, PHDA Word From VerywellIn summary, therapy is a place to explore and gain an understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. Through self-reflection, communication skills development, emotional regulation, and more, you can work towards personal growth and improved mental health. By embracing difficult conversations and becoming more aware of yourself in the process, you can create lasting positive changes in your life.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Trust andrapportbetween the therapist and client are built through open and honest dialogue.When you feel comfortable opening up and talking truthfully about your experiences, it will help your therapist understand what is going on in your life. This allows them to provide more meaningful insights and advice that are tailored to your specific needs.

The benefits of expressing thoughts and emotions freely in a safe, non-judgmental environment include the following:

“Talk about the thing or things you don’t want to talk about,” adviseslicensed psychologist Jonathan Green, PhD. “Many times we walk into therapy with something on our mind or that happened during the week that we’d rather not discuss. Maybe it’s embarrassing or something we’re shy about. That’s often the best place to start and the thing that will help us to bring about the greatest amount of change that session.”

The Best Online Therapy for Anxiety, Tried and Tested

Identifying Your Goals

It is important to reflect on your personal goals and desired outcomes from therapy.Identify what changes you would like to make in your life and how you can achieve them. Knowing your goals makes it easier for the therapist to design atreatment planthat works for you.

Setting realistic and achievablegoalswith the help of a therapist involves the following steps:

Examples of common therapeutic goals includemanaging anxiety, improvingself-esteem, or resolvingrelationship conflicts.

Some other areas that could be discussed in therapy include:

Dr. Green’s advice: “At the start of therapy, help your therapist to understand what you’d like to be different in your life. What would you like to be able to do, think, and feel once you’re ‘done’ with therapy? A classic question therapists will ask here is, ‘How will we know when we’re done?'”

The Best Online Trauma Therapy, Tried and Tested

Past experiences shape your thoughts, behaviors, and emotional well-being throughmemories, beliefs, expectations, attachments, and values. Exploring these experiences in therapy can be helpful in understanding how they are impacting your current life and behavior.

For example, talking about an experience from childhood might help you to identify why certain relationship patterns or thought processes have been difficult to change throughout your adult years.

It’s important to delve into childhood experiences, traumas, or significant life events that may impact your current mental health if and when you’re ready. Trusting yourself and your therapist to navigate through these challenging conversations can be daunting, but important for healing andpersonal growth.

It’s also important to understand the connections between past experiences and present challenges. Therapy should focus on the present as much as the past, and help you develop skills and strategies for managing difficult emotions in your current life. These strategies may includemindfulness,journaling, or positive self-talk.

“I encourage people to talk about things that still feel ‘sticky’ in their mind or disturbing in their body,” saysEmily Maynard, MA, LMFT. “Often people minimize their hardship or trauma because they feel like it ‘wasn’t that bad’ or they compare their experience to someone who ‘had it worse.’ But trauma doesn’t just go away because you ignore it or can keep it compartmentalized most of the time. Trauma is more about how your body interpreted the experience at the time rather than what happened. Trauma is unique to the person.”

Exploring and understanding your emotions during therapy is significant because it can help you to better comprehend how they affect your daily life.It is important to develop a greater understanding of how your thoughts, environment, and relationships contribute to your emotional state.

To identify andregulate your emotions, it’s helpful to become aware of what triggers them and how they manifest in your body.

Common emotions that can be challenging to navigate includeanger,sadness,anxiety, orguilt. Below are some tips for managing difficult emotions in a healthy and constructive way:

Therapy can help you become aware of your emotions, develop healthier coping strategies, and build resilience to manage emotions more effectively in the future.

Your relationships have an impact on your mental health and overall well-being through communication patterns, dynamics, and interactions. Exploring these factors in therapy can help you to develop healthier relationships and identify patterns of behavior that may be holding you back.

It is important to discuss interpersonal challenges, including family dynamics, romantic relationships, friendships, and workplace interactions during therapy. Doing so can help you to identify potential sources of stress, develop communication andlistening skills, and learn to practiceempathyin your relationships.

This goes for your relationship with your therapist as well. “If you’ve had an odd interaction with your therapist, are feeling uncomfortable, or don’t understand something, talk about it!” says Dr. Green. “Talking specifically about the relationship you and your therapist have, especially when things feel off, can be incredibly helpful and can bring about an incredible amount of understanding and change.”

As we don’t do this in our everyday relationships, it may seem odd to say everything that comes to mind, including thoughts about the person right in front of us. But therapy offers a unique opportunity to explore these important thoughts and feelings that we tend to avoid facing more directly.

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

Self-reflection can be used as a tool for personal growth and increased self-awareness.It involves reflecting on your thoughts, feelings, behavioral patterns, and reactions to situations.

This can also involve “free association,” which encourages the expression of everything that comes to mind without censorship, no matter how apparently irrational the connections may seem.

Therapy can help you to become more aware of your inner dialogue and identify how it is influencing your life. By learning about your unhelpful thought patterns or behaviors, you can develop healthier coping strategies for facing challenges in the future.

In addition, exploring your values, beliefs, strengths, and areas for improvement can help you gain a better understanding of yourself and your unique qualities. Therapy can be a safe place to process these experiences without fear of judgment or criticism.

Activities such as journaling,meditation, or engaging in creative outlets can facilitate self-discovery. Here are some other tips for self-reflection and personal growth:

Dr. Green identifies one caveat: “If you can, see if you can avoid the ‘doorknob comment.’ Often times folks will think of something particularly significant just as they’re leaving session. Often times this is something that is particularly uncomfortable that our subconscious mind is trying to avoid discussing, so it gets saved to the end of session so there’s very little time to discuss it.”

Sometimes it’s helpful to imagine that, if I were to have to get up and leave the session right now, what would I want to have said that I haven’t said yet. This will allow you and your therapist more time to process some of the most difficult to talk about (but also some of the most meaningful and important) content.—JONATHAN GREEN, PHD

—JONATHAN GREEN, PHD

In summary, therapy is a place to explore and gain an understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. Through self-reflection, communication skills development, emotional regulation, and more, you can work towards personal growth and improved mental health. By embracing difficult conversations and becoming more aware of yourself in the process, you can create lasting positive changes in your life.

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Stubbe DE.The Therapeutic Alliance: The Fundamental Element of Psychotherapy. Focus (Am Psychiatr Publ). 2018 Oct;16(4):402-403. doi: 10.1176/appi.focus.20180022. Epub 2018 Oct 18. PMID: 31975934; PMCID: PMC6493237.Lindhiem O, Bennett CB, Orimoto TE, Kolko DJ.A Meta-Analysis of Personalized Treatment Goals in Psychotherapy: A Preliminary Report and Call for More Studies. Clin Psychol (New York). 2016 Jun;23(2):165-176. doi: 10.1111/cpsp.12153Schrader C, Ross A.A Review of PTSD and Current Treatment Strategies. Mo Med. 2021 Nov-Dec;118(6):546-551Renna ME, Fresco DM, Mennin DS.Emotion Regulation Therapy and Its Potential Role in the Treatment of Chronic Stress-Related Pathology Across Disorders. Chronic Stress (Thousand Oaks). 2020 Feb 13;4:2470547020905787. doi: 10.1177/2470547020905787Kysely A, Bishop B, Kane R, Cheng M, De Palma M, Rooney R.Expectations and Experiences of Couples Receiving Therapy Through Videoconferencing: A Qualitative Study. Front Psychol. 2020 Jan 21;10:2992. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02992Gale C, Schröder T.Experiences of self-practice/self-reflection in cognitive behavioural therapy: a meta-synthesis of qualitative studies.Psychol Psychother. 2014;87(4):373-392. doi:10.1111/papt.12026

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Stubbe DE.The Therapeutic Alliance: The Fundamental Element of Psychotherapy. Focus (Am Psychiatr Publ). 2018 Oct;16(4):402-403. doi: 10.1176/appi.focus.20180022. Epub 2018 Oct 18. PMID: 31975934; PMCID: PMC6493237.Lindhiem O, Bennett CB, Orimoto TE, Kolko DJ.A Meta-Analysis of Personalized Treatment Goals in Psychotherapy: A Preliminary Report and Call for More Studies. Clin Psychol (New York). 2016 Jun;23(2):165-176. doi: 10.1111/cpsp.12153Schrader C, Ross A.A Review of PTSD and Current Treatment Strategies. Mo Med. 2021 Nov-Dec;118(6):546-551Renna ME, Fresco DM, Mennin DS.Emotion Regulation Therapy and Its Potential Role in the Treatment of Chronic Stress-Related Pathology Across Disorders. Chronic Stress (Thousand Oaks). 2020 Feb 13;4:2470547020905787. doi: 10.1177/2470547020905787Kysely A, Bishop B, Kane R, Cheng M, De Palma M, Rooney R.Expectations and Experiences of Couples Receiving Therapy Through Videoconferencing: A Qualitative Study. Front Psychol. 2020 Jan 21;10:2992. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02992Gale C, Schröder T.Experiences of self-practice/self-reflection in cognitive behavioural therapy: a meta-synthesis of qualitative studies.Psychol Psychother. 2014;87(4):373-392. doi:10.1111/papt.12026

Stubbe DE.The Therapeutic Alliance: The Fundamental Element of Psychotherapy. Focus (Am Psychiatr Publ). 2018 Oct;16(4):402-403. doi: 10.1176/appi.focus.20180022. Epub 2018 Oct 18. PMID: 31975934; PMCID: PMC6493237.Lindhiem O, Bennett CB, Orimoto TE, Kolko DJ.A Meta-Analysis of Personalized Treatment Goals in Psychotherapy: A Preliminary Report and Call for More Studies. Clin Psychol (New York). 2016 Jun;23(2):165-176. doi: 10.1111/cpsp.12153Schrader C, Ross A.A Review of PTSD and Current Treatment Strategies. Mo Med. 2021 Nov-Dec;118(6):546-551Renna ME, Fresco DM, Mennin DS.Emotion Regulation Therapy and Its Potential Role in the Treatment of Chronic Stress-Related Pathology Across Disorders. Chronic Stress (Thousand Oaks). 2020 Feb 13;4:2470547020905787. doi: 10.1177/2470547020905787Kysely A, Bishop B, Kane R, Cheng M, De Palma M, Rooney R.Expectations and Experiences of Couples Receiving Therapy Through Videoconferencing: A Qualitative Study. Front Psychol. 2020 Jan 21;10:2992. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02992Gale C, Schröder T.Experiences of self-practice/self-reflection in cognitive behavioural therapy: a meta-synthesis of qualitative studies.Psychol Psychother. 2014;87(4):373-392. doi:10.1111/papt.12026

Lindhiem O, Bennett CB, Orimoto TE, Kolko DJ.A Meta-Analysis of Personalized Treatment Goals in Psychotherapy: A Preliminary Report and Call for More Studies. Clin Psychol (New York). 2016 Jun;23(2):165-176. doi: 10.1111/cpsp.12153

Schrader C, Ross A.A Review of PTSD and Current Treatment Strategies. Mo Med. 2021 Nov-Dec;118(6):546-551

Renna ME, Fresco DM, Mennin DS.Emotion Regulation Therapy and Its Potential Role in the Treatment of Chronic Stress-Related Pathology Across Disorders. Chronic Stress (Thousand Oaks). 2020 Feb 13;4:2470547020905787. doi: 10.1177/2470547020905787

Kysely A, Bishop B, Kane R, Cheng M, De Palma M, Rooney R.Expectations and Experiences of Couples Receiving Therapy Through Videoconferencing: A Qualitative Study. Front Psychol. 2020 Jan 21;10:2992. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02992

Gale C, Schröder T.Experiences of self-practice/self-reflection in cognitive behavioural therapy: a meta-synthesis of qualitative studies.Psychol Psychother. 2014;87(4):373-392. doi:10.1111/papt.12026

Hannah Owens, LMSW

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