What to Say to Someone Who Is Suicidal

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsIf the Risk Is ImminentConfirming Suicidal ThoughtsHow to Help a Friend Who Is SuicidalSeeking Emergency HelpMore Helpful Resources

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

If the Risk Is Imminent

Confirming Suicidal Thoughts

How to Help a Friend Who Is Suicidal

Seeking Emergency Help

More Helpful Resources

Close

“By not talking about suicidality and feelings of concern for others, we are unable to make the connections necessary for support or intervention,” saysRobin Glenn, MA, a therapist working with at-risk teens and their families. “By not talking about suicidality or concerns, those suffering from ideation may not know they have a safe space for help-seeking and are less likely to reach out when they need resources.”

If someone you know is suicidal:

If the Risk of Suicide Is Imminent

If your friend is at risk of attempting suicide right now, call your local police department or 911 right away. Imminent danger includes situations where the person is in possession of a weapon, pills, or other means to follow through with suicide.

If possible, don’t leave them alone and do your best to remove any items they can use to hurt themselves. If it is safe, you may also drive your friend to the emergency room. Doctors will assess their mental and physical health and create a clear plan that will help keep them safe.

If, on the other hand, you believe the threat is serious, but not imminent, it’s still important to act, but you may take the time to show support, listen, and encourage them to seek professional help. Help is available. Here are some helpful tips from varioussuicide preventionresources.

If you are unsure what to say, Glenn recommends being direct and factual as you discuss your observations. She recommends phrases such as, “I’m worried about you because I’m noticing that you’re not sleeping or taking care of yourself the way you normally do.” When you ask about suicidality, she suggests directly asking, “Have you been thinking about killing yourself.”

Don’t be afraid to ask, “Are you having thoughts of suicide?”

“It is now widely known in clinical communities that talking helps, and it will not plant an idea.  In addition, the more often we talk, the better off we are,” Glenn says.

Get the FactsIf the answer is yes, follow up with these three questions:Have you thought about how you would do it?Do you have what you need to carry out your plan?Do you know when you will do it?

Get the Facts

If the answer is yes, follow up with these three questions:Have you thought about how you would do it?Do you have what you need to carry out your plan?Do you know when you will do it?

If the answer is yes, follow up with these three questions:

Fortunately, most people will either say that they have no definite plans or don’t have the nerve to do it themselves. Although this is still a serious situation, if their answers indicate that they don’t have a plan, they are probably not in imminent danger of hurting themselves.

Take their words as a plea for help and proceed with helping them to get the assistance that they need.Urge them to seek professional help as soon as possible.

If the answers they give you lead you to believe they are in immediate danger, don’t hesitate to contact the authorities.

You may feel like you will lose their friendship if you take action. Your friend may even tell you that you are betraying them or making them angry. Just remember that you may permanently lose their friendship if you don’t. When they’re well again, they will thank you.

There are a number of different things you can do to be a supportive and empathetic friend. The key is to avoid being judgmental or dismissive of what your friend is feeling.

Speak From the Heart

You may be struggling with trying to figure outwhat to say to someone who is depressedor suicidal. Remember, there are no right or wrong things you can say if you are speaking out of love and concern. Just be yourself, Glenn says.

Be authentically and genuinely caring. The conversation is less about the words and content and more about your sincerity. By letting someone know you care, you are concerned, and you are supportive, the message is clear; ‘I’m here for you, I notice you, you matter, I want to help.'—ROBIN GLENN, MA, LICENSED THERAPIST

Be authentically and genuinely caring. The conversation is less about the words and content and more about your sincerity. By letting someone know you care, you are concerned, and you are supportive, the message is clear; ‘I’m here for you, I notice you, you matter, I want to help.’

—ROBIN GLENN, MA, LICENSED THERAPIST

Listen

A suicidal person usually is carrying around some burden that they feel they just can’t handle anymore. Offer to listen as they share their feelings of despair, anger, and loneliness.Sometimes this is enough to lighten the load just enough for them to carry on.

Be sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, calm, and accepting. The person will pick up on your attitude and begin to mirror it for themselves.

Keep Them Talking

Talking will allow them to reduce their emotional burden and give them time to calm down.The longer you keep them talking, the more you can take the edge off their desperation. As their momentum winds down, it’s harder for them to act on their feelings.

Avoid Trying to Solve the Problem

Try not to offer quick solutions or belittle the person’s feelings. How big they perceive the problem to be and how much they are hurting over it is what counts. Rational arguments do little good to persuade a person when they are in this state of mind.

Instead, offer your empathy and compassion for what they are feeling without making any judgments about whether they should feel that way.

Take Care of Yourself

Dealing with a suicide threat is very stressful. Be sure to care for yourself as well and seek assistance to process and decompress afterward. Talk to a trusted friend, a therapist, your doctor, a religious leader, or anyone who can offer support for what you’ve been through and how you feel about it.

Keep Checking In

Glenn notes that talking about suicidality isn’t just a one-time conversation. If you are concerned about someone, checking in with them regularly can give you a better understanding of what they might be experiencing.

Talking about these things can help loved ones better spot the difference between fleeting thoughts and active suidal ideation, which is why Glenn suggests making such conversations a regular part of life’s dialogue.

Therapist-Recommended Advice

Glenn also offers the following rules of thumb when you are helping someone who might be suicidal:

If the person has already started a suicide attempt, call for help immediately. If they are still conscious, get what information you can about any substances they have ingested, how long ago they took them, how much they took, when they last ate, and their general state of health.

If you are in a situation, such as an online friendship, where you know very little about the person, encourage them to call 911 on their own or a suicide hotline in their area. This is your best option because a local agency, such as 911 or a hotline, may be able to trace the call and get assistance to them.

If they refuse to call, do your best to learn whatever personal information you can about the person. Don’t hesitate to ask them for their address, phone number, and other information to help dispatch an emergency crew to their home.

If you or someone you care about is having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or someone you care about is having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

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4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Suicide data and statistics.Mathias CW, Furr RM, Sheftall AH, Hill-Kapturczak N, Crum P, Dougherty DM.What’s the harm in asking about suicidal ideation?.Suicide Life Threat Behav. 2012;42(3):341-51. doi:10.1111/j.1943-278X.2012.0095.xNational Institute of Mental Health.Suicide prevention.Gould MS, Marrocco FA, Kleinman M, et al.Evaluating iatrogenic risk of youth suicide screening programs: A randomized controlled trial.JAMA.2005;293(13):1635-43. doi:10.1001/jama.293.13.1635

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Suicide data and statistics.Mathias CW, Furr RM, Sheftall AH, Hill-Kapturczak N, Crum P, Dougherty DM.What’s the harm in asking about suicidal ideation?.Suicide Life Threat Behav. 2012;42(3):341-51. doi:10.1111/j.1943-278X.2012.0095.xNational Institute of Mental Health.Suicide prevention.Gould MS, Marrocco FA, Kleinman M, et al.Evaluating iatrogenic risk of youth suicide screening programs: A randomized controlled trial.JAMA.2005;293(13):1635-43. doi:10.1001/jama.293.13.1635

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Suicide data and statistics.Mathias CW, Furr RM, Sheftall AH, Hill-Kapturczak N, Crum P, Dougherty DM.What’s the harm in asking about suicidal ideation?.Suicide Life Threat Behav. 2012;42(3):341-51. doi:10.1111/j.1943-278X.2012.0095.xNational Institute of Mental Health.Suicide prevention.Gould MS, Marrocco FA, Kleinman M, et al.Evaluating iatrogenic risk of youth suicide screening programs: A randomized controlled trial.JAMA.2005;293(13):1635-43. doi:10.1001/jama.293.13.1635

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Suicide data and statistics.

Mathias CW, Furr RM, Sheftall AH, Hill-Kapturczak N, Crum P, Dougherty DM.What’s the harm in asking about suicidal ideation?.Suicide Life Threat Behav. 2012;42(3):341-51. doi:10.1111/j.1943-278X.2012.0095.x

National Institute of Mental Health.Suicide prevention.

Gould MS, Marrocco FA, Kleinman M, et al.Evaluating iatrogenic risk of youth suicide screening programs: A randomized controlled trial.JAMA.2005;293(13):1635-43. doi:10.1001/jama.293.13.1635

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