What to Expect With Casual Dating

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhy We Casually DateMental Health EffectsIs It Satisfactory?Casual Dating and DivorceRelationship ProgressionDating Tips

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Why We Casually Date

Mental Health Effects

Is It Satisfactory?

Casual Dating and Divorce

Relationship Progression

Dating Tips

Close

Casual datingis dating outside of a committed romantic relationship. Put another way, it involves dating someone (and possibly engaging in physical intimacy or sex) without being engaged, married, or otherwise in a long-term commitment.

Casual dating can be considered a fun way to socialize or a stepping stone toward a long-term committed relationship, or it may be viewed as immoral, especially if extramarital sex is involved.Here we cover the reasons why people casually date, its mental health effects, and tips for making casual dating a positive experience.

Why Is Dating So Hard?

Reasons Behind Casual Dating

There are many reasons people might choose to date casually. They include:

There are many benefits of casual dating. We get to spend time with someone who likes us and who we like back, but we don’t have to worry about labeling the relationship or making any life decisions that revolve around the other person.

Casual dating can be a learning experience, too. Down the line, we may learn that we want to enter into a serious relationship with this person, or we may not. Either way, we are able to better identify our needs in a relationship and what we’re looking for in future partners.

Casual sex isn’t required to casually date and it’s important that both peoplerespect each other’s boundariessurrounding sex and physical intimacy. If we do want to establish physical intimacy, casual dating can offer consistency in this respect as well (i.e., having sex with the same partner).

When it comes to casual dating, we get to decide our own experience. We choose how many people we date at a time, whether we want to engage in physical intimacy, and how often we wish to see the person or people we’re dating.

Effects of Casual Dating on Mental Health

Casual dating comes with potential positive and negative mental health effects. On the positive side, it can increase a person’s sense of freedom and independence. It may also relieve any feeling of urgency to find a partner and allow a person to focus on themself. Dating can even provide aboost in confidenceand self-esteem.

That said, research on the mental health effects of casual dating is mixed. One reason is because people’s experiences can vary so widely. Another is that a lot of the research focuses on the mental health effects of “hooking up” or having casual sex without any relationship at all.

Casual Dating vs. Casual SexCasual dating is not the same as hooking up. Casual dating implies a desire to maintain a relationship, even though it is deemed casual.Casual sex, on the other hand, doesn’t demand any level of emotional commitment.

Casual Dating vs. Casual Sex

Casual dating is not the same as hooking up. Casual dating implies a desire to maintain a relationship, even though it is deemed casual.Casual sex, on the other hand, doesn’t demand any level of emotional commitment.

It’s possible that casual sex without any type of relationship (friendship, dating, or committed relationship) may increase the risk of negative health effects like anxiety, depression, andlow self-esteem.However, the mental health effects of any kind of dating or sexual encounter depend upon the people and circumstances involved.

As long as we respect our own boundaries, belief systems, and values while also respecting those of others, we can decide whether we wish to proceed with casual dating or whether we’d preferanother dating styleor level of commitment.

Are Casual Relationships Less Satisfactory?

Research suggests that, overall, casual relationships can be satisfying for many people, at least for the short term.At the same time, because some people may define them differently or have different expectations, they can also be confusing.

If the casual dating relationship involves sex, other studies indicate that the individuals involved can feel satisfied sexually. Research published in theCanadian Journal of Human Sexualityfound that while sexual satisfaction was higher for people in married, engaged, orexclusive relationships, a positive link between casual dating and sexual satisfaction still exists.

Casual dating in and of itself doesn’t lead to an unhappy sex life.

Benching in Dating: What to Do When You’ve Been Sidelined

Relationship psychologists and sociologists have long believed that casual dating and cohabitation before marriage lead to higherdivorce rates. However, this connection is difficult to establish on its own as there are several possible confounding factors, and many studies show the opposite trend.

How we ask questions and to whom we ask questions about casual dating deeply influence the type of results we get on this topic. If we askhappy couplesin both casual and married relationships, they will both show similar patterns of satisfaction and happiness. The same goes forunhappy couples.

Can Casual Dating Lead to Committed Relationships?

Researchers have begun considering casual dating as a step in a progressive relationship that may eventually lead to long-term commitment or marriage. In other words, casual dating tends to be an early step toward long-term partnerships.

In a world where traditional marriage is retreating, people use casual dating as a way to test sexual andrelationship compatibilitywith potential committed partners.

These relationships often begin with a meeting or even hooking up. The two people may start going on dates, perhapsnot exclusively at first. If there is compatibility, they maybecome exclusive, move in together, and eventually marry.

The difference between today’s casual dating and the dating styles of previous generations is that now, casual dating more openly involves extramarital sex.This may be why more conservative groups tend to denounce casual dating as undesirable. However, since non-marital, casual sex is widely accepted in modern societies, this attitude is less influential than it used to be.

Tips for Casual Dating

While there are no official rules when it comes to casual dating, there are a few guidelines to keep in mind to make the most of this experience.

Be Honest and Open

Casual dating may be more challenging if we experience a strong emotional attachment to someone we’re dating and they don’t feel the same way. For instance, we may want to only date that one person, but they want to be free to see other people.

Similarly, if we have sex with someone we’re casually dating, we may feel hurt or betrayed if we find out this person has been having sex with other people. For these reasons, it’s helpful to be upfront about our expectations and ask for honesty from the other person as well.

It’s important that both parties understand that the dating is casual—and that they’re each okay with this. Some conversation-starters might include:

Take the Relationship QuizThis fast and freerelationship quizcan help you discover if you may in fact be ready for a relationship.

Take the Relationship Quiz

This fast and freerelationship quizcan help you discover if you may in fact be ready for a relationship.

Define the Boundaries

Casual doesn’t mean that there are no boundaries. Defining our boundaries requires considering what kind of behavior is okay with us and what isn’t.

Are there limits with regard to physical and sexual intimacy? If these limits are broad, what are the rules for staying safe and protecting each person fromsexually transmitted infections(STIs)? Define these parameters in advance so each party knows what they are.

Watch Out for Jealousy

If someone involved in casual dating is having a hard time controllingfeelings of jealousy, it might be a sign that they need to take a step back. Casual dating can also be tough for people who are prone to co-dependence or insecurity within a relationship.

Insecurity in Relationships: Ways to Cope

Have Fun

There are a lot ofthings people can do togetherwhen casual dating. Consider planning dates around a fun activity, such as:

Show Respect

Mutual respectis key for any relationship, casual or otherwise. If we go on a date or two and decide that the other person isn’t right for us, we need to let the person know in a kind and respectful way versus ghosting them or not being transparent about how we feel.

What Is Ghosting?

Use Dating Apps Appropriately

There are pros and cons of usingdating appsand online dating services. On one hand, they can help establish that both people are looking for the same type of relationship before even meeting. On the other, stress and anxiety levels may increase if we spend a lot of time on them.

One way to avoid the latter is to set boundaries with our dating app use. For instance, maybe we only check our dating app for 15 minutes three days a week instead of checking it constantly, several times a day.

It may take time to find what we’re looking for, but we are worthy of having the type of relationship we want.

How to Find the Best Dating App for You

Summary

People who enjoy the sense of freedom that comes with casual relationships should allow themselves to enjoy this style of dating. Conversely, those for whom casual dating goes against their values may want to abstain from this type of dating and that’s okay, too. Casual dating isn’t for everyone.

Relationship Questions to Ask Your Partner to Take Your Connection Next Level

8 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Birnbaum GE.The fragile spell of desire: A functional perspective on changes in sexual desire across relationship development.Pers Soc Psychol Rev.2018;22(2):101-127. doi:10.1177/1088868317715350Luciano EC, Orth U.Transitions in romantic relationships and development of self-esteem.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):307-328. doi:10.1037/pspp0000109Howard DE, Debnam KJ, Cham HJ, et al.The (mal) adaptive value of mid-adolescent dating relationship labels.J Prim Prev.2015;36(3):187-203. doi:10.1007/s10935-015-0387-2Bersamin, Melina M et al.Risky business: Is there an association between casual sex and mental health among emerging adults?J Sex Res.2014;51(1):43-51. doi:10.1080/00224499.2013.772088Šutić L, Jelić M, Krnić A.Is dating dead? Modern dating among emerging adults in Croatia.Croatian Sociolog Rev. 2022;52(3):359-386. doi:10.5613/rzs.52.3.4Birnie-Porter C, Hunt M.Does relationship status matter for sexual satisfaction? The roles of intimacy and attachment avoidance in sexual satisfaction across five types of ongoing sexual relationships. Can J Human Sexuality. 2015;24(2):174-183. doi:10.3138/cjhs.242-A5Perelli-Harris B, Berrington A, Sánchez Gassen N, Galezewska P, Holland JA.The rise in divorce and cohabitation: Is there a link?Popul Dev Rev. 2017;43(2):303–329. doi:10.1111/padr.12063Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: A cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

8 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Birnbaum GE.The fragile spell of desire: A functional perspective on changes in sexual desire across relationship development.Pers Soc Psychol Rev.2018;22(2):101-127. doi:10.1177/1088868317715350Luciano EC, Orth U.Transitions in romantic relationships and development of self-esteem.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):307-328. doi:10.1037/pspp0000109Howard DE, Debnam KJ, Cham HJ, et al.The (mal) adaptive value of mid-adolescent dating relationship labels.J Prim Prev.2015;36(3):187-203. doi:10.1007/s10935-015-0387-2Bersamin, Melina M et al.Risky business: Is there an association between casual sex and mental health among emerging adults?J Sex Res.2014;51(1):43-51. doi:10.1080/00224499.2013.772088Šutić L, Jelić M, Krnić A.Is dating dead? Modern dating among emerging adults in Croatia.Croatian Sociolog Rev. 2022;52(3):359-386. doi:10.5613/rzs.52.3.4Birnie-Porter C, Hunt M.Does relationship status matter for sexual satisfaction? The roles of intimacy and attachment avoidance in sexual satisfaction across five types of ongoing sexual relationships. Can J Human Sexuality. 2015;24(2):174-183. doi:10.3138/cjhs.242-A5Perelli-Harris B, Berrington A, Sánchez Gassen N, Galezewska P, Holland JA.The rise in divorce and cohabitation: Is there a link?Popul Dev Rev. 2017;43(2):303–329. doi:10.1111/padr.12063Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: A cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Birnbaum GE.The fragile spell of desire: A functional perspective on changes in sexual desire across relationship development.Pers Soc Psychol Rev.2018;22(2):101-127. doi:10.1177/1088868317715350Luciano EC, Orth U.Transitions in romantic relationships and development of self-esteem.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):307-328. doi:10.1037/pspp0000109Howard DE, Debnam KJ, Cham HJ, et al.The (mal) adaptive value of mid-adolescent dating relationship labels.J Prim Prev.2015;36(3):187-203. doi:10.1007/s10935-015-0387-2Bersamin, Melina M et al.Risky business: Is there an association between casual sex and mental health among emerging adults?J Sex Res.2014;51(1):43-51. doi:10.1080/00224499.2013.772088Šutić L, Jelić M, Krnić A.Is dating dead? Modern dating among emerging adults in Croatia.Croatian Sociolog Rev. 2022;52(3):359-386. doi:10.5613/rzs.52.3.4Birnie-Porter C, Hunt M.Does relationship status matter for sexual satisfaction? The roles of intimacy and attachment avoidance in sexual satisfaction across five types of ongoing sexual relationships. Can J Human Sexuality. 2015;24(2):174-183. doi:10.3138/cjhs.242-A5Perelli-Harris B, Berrington A, Sánchez Gassen N, Galezewska P, Holland JA.The rise in divorce and cohabitation: Is there a link?Popul Dev Rev. 2017;43(2):303–329. doi:10.1111/padr.12063Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: A cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

Birnbaum GE.The fragile spell of desire: A functional perspective on changes in sexual desire across relationship development.Pers Soc Psychol Rev.2018;22(2):101-127. doi:10.1177/1088868317715350

Luciano EC, Orth U.Transitions in romantic relationships and development of self-esteem.J Personal Soc Psychol. 2017;112(2):307-328. doi:10.1037/pspp0000109

Howard DE, Debnam KJ, Cham HJ, et al.The (mal) adaptive value of mid-adolescent dating relationship labels.J Prim Prev.2015;36(3):187-203. doi:10.1007/s10935-015-0387-2

Bersamin, Melina M et al.Risky business: Is there an association between casual sex and mental health among emerging adults?J Sex Res.2014;51(1):43-51. doi:10.1080/00224499.2013.772088

Šutić L, Jelić M, Krnić A.Is dating dead? Modern dating among emerging adults in Croatia.Croatian Sociolog Rev. 2022;52(3):359-386. doi:10.5613/rzs.52.3.4

Birnie-Porter C, Hunt M.Does relationship status matter for sexual satisfaction? The roles of intimacy and attachment avoidance in sexual satisfaction across five types of ongoing sexual relationships. Can J Human Sexuality. 2015;24(2):174-183. doi:10.3138/cjhs.242-A5

Perelli-Harris B, Berrington A, Sánchez Gassen N, Galezewska P, Holland JA.The rise in divorce and cohabitation: Is there a link?Popul Dev Rev. 2017;43(2):303–329. doi:10.1111/padr.12063

Holtzhausen N, Fitzgerald K, Thakur I, Ashley J, Rolfe M, Pit SW.Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: A cross-sectional study.BMC Psychol. 2020;8(1):22. doi:10.1186/s40359-020-0373-1

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