What to Do When You're Questioning Your Sexuality

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsLGBTQIA+ IdentitiesSteps to Take to Discern Your IdentityHelpful ResourcesRomantic Versus Sexual AttractionFluidityNext in Ally Up GuideMental Health Resources to Support the LGBTQIA+ Community

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

LGBTQIA+ Identities

Steps to Take to Discern Your Identity

Helpful Resources

Romantic Versus Sexual Attraction

Fluidity

Next in Ally Up Guide

Close

Questioningsexualityoften happens during the teen years as identity forms, but questioning one’ssexual orientationcan occur at any age. Adults are often better equipped to explore and understand their sexual identities more fully. Sexuality can also change with age.

Questioning your sexuality can be a journey of discovery, but it can also bring feelings of stress. Learning more about yourself can help you find joy in healthy sexual relationships and affirm your sexuality.

Asking yourself questions, talking to supportive people, and exploring online resources are just a few steps to help you explore your sexuality. This article discusses some of the well-known LGBTQIA+ identities, strategies that can help you explore your sexuality, and some of the resources that may help.

The Most Well Known Identities: LGBTQIA+

No matter what age you are, or what your relationship and sexual background is, it’s perfectly okay for you to delve further into understanding your own orientation. One study that examined the sexual orientations of people from teenage years through early adulthood suggested that sexual orientation development continues throughout emerging adulthood.

To help you best understand what you might be experiencing, we’ve broken down the various known sexual identities, along with how to find resources that can best guide you through your self-discovery.

Gender Identity vs. SexualityGender identity and sexuality are often grouped together, but they are separate topics. Your sexuality is centered around who you are attracted to, whereas your gender is about how you yourself identify, not in relation to anyone else. If you are questioning your gender, some great resources includeThe Trevor Project,The Gender Unicorn, and theTransgender Law Center.

Gender Identity vs. Sexuality

Gender identity and sexuality are often grouped together, but they are separate topics. Your sexuality is centered around who you are attracted to, whereas your gender is about how you yourself identify, not in relation to anyone else. If you are questioning your gender, some great resources includeThe Trevor Project,The Gender Unicorn, and theTransgender Law Center.

There are more options in regards to sexual orientation than those represented in the acronymLGBTQIA, but that term is the most well known. Here is what the words in that acronym stand for.

Lesbian

A lesbian is a woman who is attracted to people of her same gender. Usually, people who identify as lesbians do not partner with people other than women.The National Center For Lesbian Rightsworks to advance the rights of lesbians and other marginalized people.

Gay

A gay person is someone who is attracted to people of their same gender, and the term is often used to describe men who are attracted to other men. However, women can identify as gay instead of or in addition to identifying as lesbian.

Bisexual

Someone who is bisexual is attracted to more than one gender. Before the release of the “Bisexual Manifesto” in 1990, it was often assumed that bisexual people were only attracted to cis men and cis women.

However, since then the term has come to include people who are attracted to more than one gender, period. If someone thinks they may be bisexual but isn’t yet sure, they may identify as bi-curious. TheBisexual Resource Centercan help you learn more.

Transgender

A trans, ortransgender, person is someone whose gender identity is different from the sex they were assigned at birth. As mentioned above, gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation.

Because of the overlap of the two topics, though, particularly in regards to the fight for human rights as marginalized people, the transgender label is included in LGBTQIA+.Nonbinary and genderqueeridentities also fall under this umbrella.

Queer or Questioning

Questioning is the word for people who are in the process of discovering their sexual orientation. You can be questioning at any age, for as long as is appropriate for your unique journey.

Intersex

People who areintersexwere born with bodies that don’t fit completely into the male/female gender binary. Just like the transgender label, intersex is not a sexual identity.

The term gets placed in with sexual orientations for the same reason as transgender does, because advocacy is necessary for this marginalized group.The Intesex Societ of North Americais a great resource for this subject.

Asexual

Asexualityis the term for a person who doesn’t experience sexual attraction to other people. It’s considered a spectrum, meaning that some people who are asexual will experience more attraction than others, but to be on the asexual spectrum implies that sexual attraction isn’t a typical part of your day to day life. Individuals who are asexual may refer to themselves as “ace.“The Asexual Visibility and Education Networkcan help you learn more.

Greysexuality, orgraysexuality, also falls under the asexual identity. Someone who identifies as grey/graysexual may be rarely attracted to other people, but not so rarely that they fully identify as asexual.

Plus (+)

The + symbol at the end of LGBTQIA denotes that there are more identities than just the ones in that acronym. For some people, none of the terms in LGBTQIA accurately describe their sexuality. These are some less-known but still equally real identities:

Demisexual and Pansexual

Resources to Help Understand Your Sexual Orientation

No matter what you’re experiencing in relation to your sexuality, there is no need to go through it alone.

Questioning your sexuality is a perfectly healthy activity, and talking about it with other people can help you work through it more effectively.

Talk to Supportive People

If you’re comfortable discussing the issue with a loved one, bring up the subject with them. Choose a friend or family member you know you can trust, who doesn’t have any homophobic tendencies and will have your best interest in mind.

Share your feelings with them, letting them know that you’re unsure about your orientation. Don’t feel pressured to walk away from the conversation with a label—you have all the time you want to figure that out, if you ever even need to.

Talk to a Professional

Mental Health Resources to Support the LGBTQIA+ Community

Connect With Potential Partners

Lastly, dating apps can help you connect with others who are also questioning their sexuality. Apps like OK Cupid give you the option of choosing “questioning” as an identity, and allow you to search for others who are in the same situation.

When discussing sexual orientation, the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction sometimes comes into play.

It’s good to understand the differences between them because even though they tend to go together—meaning that usually people want romantic relationships with the same gender or genders of people they are sexually attracted to—there are some individuals for whom the two are different or disparate.

A person can be sexually attracted to a gender but not enjoy the way relationships with them play out, or they can like the relationship dynamic with a certain gender but not enjoy sexual acts with them.

Sexual orientation can change at any time of your life. If you’re experiencing a shift in your own attractions, your sexuality may be changing. There’s nothing wrong with that. For one thing, as we age we get to know ourselves better, and we may be able to acknowledge facets of ourselves that we couldn’t before.

Additionally, as we age our priorities change. What you once found attractive in others might now be off-putting. For some people, their sexuality never stops changing. Those people might consider themselves sexually fluid for life.

What Is Sexual Fluidity?

Bottom Line

Questioning one’s sexuality can happen at any age. There are many different sexual identities, and finding which one fits you best may take some time. Your identity also might change over time throughout your life.

There are many resources to help you understand your orientation, from organizations dedicated to specific identities to broader hotlines that offer help for any questions you might have. There’s no need to feel stressed if you’re questioning your sexuality—you have all the time you need, and plenty of free resources, to figure out what, if any, label fits you best.

The Most Inclusive Online Therapy Platforms We Tried and Tested

1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kaestle CE.Sexual orientation trajectories based on sexual attractions, partners, and identity: A longitudinal investigation from adolescence through young adulthood using a U.S. representative sample.J Sex Res. 2019;56(7):811-826. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1577351

1 Source

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kaestle CE.Sexual orientation trajectories based on sexual attractions, partners, and identity: A longitudinal investigation from adolescence through young adulthood using a U.S. representative sample.J Sex Res. 2019;56(7):811-826. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1577351

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Kaestle CE.Sexual orientation trajectories based on sexual attractions, partners, and identity: A longitudinal investigation from adolescence through young adulthood using a U.S. representative sample.J Sex Res. 2019;56(7):811-826. doi:10.1080/00224499.2019.1577351

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