Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Happens If Your Wife or Husband Works Too Much?Steps to Improve Your RelationshipHow to Support Your SpouseSeeking Professional HelpNext StepsFrequently Asked Questions
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
What Happens If Your Wife or Husband Works Too Much?
Steps to Improve Your Relationship
How to Support Your Spouse
Seeking Professional Help
Next Steps
Frequently Asked Questions
Close
If you are married to a “workaholic,” you may feel as if you have an unfaithful spouse who’s replaced your intimacy with work. The sense of being alone, broken promises, feelings of anger and disappointment, and a belief that you are not very important are all similar for spouses ofpeople who cheatand spouses of people who work all the time.
In some cases, it takes a wake-up call such as a personal or health crisis for someone who works all the time to make changes that bring about more balance. However, there are steps you can take now so you don’t have to wait for an unfortunate event to spark change.
The Importance of Work-Life Balance
How to Deal With a Spouse Who Works All the Time
If you are frustrated with the time and energy your wife or husband spends on work, there are a few steps you can take to help improve your relationship—and to help your marriage survive a workaholic partner.
Keep It in Perspective
Being married to someone who puts in a lot of time at work isn’t always negative. If they’re doing so out of apassion for what they do, for instance, their work can increase their life satisfaction—even improving their satisfaction at home.
Conversely, if your spouse works long hours out of necessity, this can signify that they’re willing to do what it takes to care for their family financially. If this means spending more time away from home, they’ll do it because the payoff is there.
Strive to Understand Their ‘Why’
It can be easy to convince yourself that your spouse puts in long hours because they don’t want to spend more time with you. However,jumping to conclusionsabout why they are working a lot can lead to more issues within your relationship. Your assumptions could be based on faulty premises.
To gain a better understanding of why your spouse works so much, ask them what drives them to work so hard. What is their “why”? Their answer can provide insight into what pushes them toward this behavior. And you might be relieved to learn that it isn’t because they don’t care to spend time with you.
Avoid Making Comparisons
Do you have couple-friends who are always doing things together, making you wish that you had the same relationship with your partner? Although it can be easy to makesocial comparisons(especially when you envy your friends' relationships), doing this can increase your stress and anxiety,making you feel even worse about your situation.
Remember that every relationship is different. Just because your spouse works more than you’d like, you may be stronger in areas where your friends' relationships are not. Appreciate your partnership for what it provides, regardless of what those around you are doing.
Recognize If You Are Enabling the Behavior
If your spouse works all the time out of choice, you may be unintentionally enabling this behavior. Put another way, your actions could be making it easier for them to be at work more, potentially contributing to them spending less time at home.
Enabling is often seen withaddictionand is a mechanism that well-meaning loved ones use to help them cope with the pain and turmoil they feel as a result of the situation.
Ways you may be enabling your spouse’s long work days include:
Instead, consider letting your spouse experience the consequences of working too much. For instance, serve dinner at the normal time each day. If your spouse isn’t there for the meal, they can eat the leftovers once they get home.
Approach Your Spouse With Compassion and Positivity
When you don’t agree with your spouse’s viewpoint on how much they should work, it can put you both under intense amounts of stress. As a result, conversations about them working a lot should be approached cautiously and withcompassion.
How to Express Your Feelings
Set Boundaries for Working From Home
If your spouse works from home either part- or full-time,setting a few boundariescan help prevent the blurring of lines between home and work. Some options to consider include:
Aim for Quality Over Quantity
Instead of getting frustrated because you don’t have more time with your spouse, work to enjoy the time that you do spend together. Avoid work-related talk as you strive tostrengthen your connection.
Research suggests that the quality of time couples spend together may be a factor that impacts divorce rates, particularly when that time is focused on stressors versus concentrating on having fun.
To help make the time you spend with your spouse higher in quality, agree toset down your cell phoneswhen engaged in an activity together. This enables you to be fully present while making memories that you can cherish for years to come.
Look for Activities You Both Enjoy
Doing an activity that your spouse will enjoy can help to ease the tensions between you. It also creates an opening for an honest discussion about your concerns.
How to Have Difficult Talks About Your Marriage
Continue to Live Your Life
When you have a spouse who works all the time, it can be easy to stay home yourself, always waiting for their return. However, not living your own life can lead to even moreresentmentfor their long work days.
If your spouse doesn’t want to take time away from work to go to a movie with you, go with your kids or a friend. If they are too busy to take a few days off in a row, take a weekend trip to visit family without them. Don’t put your life or your children’s lives on hold waiting for your spouse to make time for you.
Why Work-Life Balance Is So Important—and How to Nail It
Support a Spouse Who Must Work Long Hours
Not every “workaholic” partner puts in tons of hours because they want to. Their employer may mandate overtime in peak season, for instance, or they might be required to put in longer days for a short time in order to hit an important deadline.
In cases such as this, it can be helpful to develop apersonal mantrasuch as “this too will pass.” Repeating this mantra often helps remind you that your situation is only temporary.
Since it’s possible that your spouse’s lengthy work days may get to them too, offering your support can provide the strength and encouragement they need to keep going. Ways to show this support could include:
It’s also important to create routines that work foryou(the non-working or working less spouse) to keep from burning out.Keep yourself mentally healthyso you can be there to better support your family and your spouse.
Seek Professional Help
Solving marital issues related to one partner’s excessive work schedule can feel like an insurmountable task. Fortunately, psychologists andmarriage counselorsare available to help mediate open dialogue.
Sometimes just getting your spouse in for the initial therapy session can help them understand the gravity of the issue and the toll it’s taking on you and your relationship.
During these sessions, it’s important to discuss setting boundaries that will help change their behavior and also enable you to communicate with openness, compassion, and empathy. Agreeing to put away cell phones during dinner, for instance, could significantly reducework-related stressduring your alone time.
The first step toward overcomingmarital issuesrelated to living with a spouse you feel is a “workaholic” is to start a conversation. Express how the behavior makes you feel, then work together toward an amicable compromise that leaves you feeling more appreciated while fulfilling your spouse’s need or desire to work.
8 Tips to Handle Work From Home Stress
Acknowledging your spouse’s hard work can go a long way to making them feel validated and heard. At the same time, it’s important to let them know that, while you support and love them, their work-heavy lifestyle also creates hardships for you. Recognizing that you’re both striving to create a good life for your family helps reaffirm that you’re each working toward the same goal.
Having a partner consumed with work can increase divorce risk.Even if it doesn’t result in divorce, at a minimum, it can reduce your satisfaction with the relationship. Studies have found that as workaholism increases, marital satisfaction tends to decrease.
6 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Dudek I, Szpitalak M.Gender differences in workaholism and work-related variables.AGH Univ Sci Tech. 2019;18(4):59-76. doi:10.7494/human.2019.18.4.59
Chummar S, Singh P, Ezzedeen S.Exploring the differential impact of work passion on life satisfaction and job performance via the work-family interface.Personnel Rev. 2019;48(5):1100-1119. doi:10.1108/PR-02-2017-0033
Goodman FR, Kelso KC, Wiernik BM, Kashdan TB.Social comparisons and social anxiety in daily life: An experience-sampling approach.J Abnormal Psychol. 2021;130(5):468-489. doi:10.1037/abn0000671
Zimmerman ER.Preoccupied attachment as predictor of enabling behavior: Clinical implications and treatment for partners of substance abusers.Clin Social Work J. 2018;46:48-56. doi:10.1007/s10615-018-0645-x
Özsoy E.Work and social life interaction: The link between marriage satisfaction and workaholism. 21st Budapest International Conference on Law, Business, Gender & Interdisciplinary Studies.
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