What to Do When Your Partner Says They Need Space

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When your partner announces that they need space, it can set off alarm bells. But it doesn’t mean something is wrong or that they want to break up with you. Being a couple involves balancing together time and alone time. Taking time apart is healthy and can help your relationship thrive.

This article explores reasons your partner might want space, the dos and don’ts suggested for handling this situation, when their desire for space signals a problem, and managing opposite needs regarding closeness and space.

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Reasons Your Partner Might Want Space

There are various reasons why your partner could be distancing.

It might very well have nothing to do with you. Let’s say your partner is spending more time with theirchildhood friends. You might feel you’re being pushed away. Maybe they’re having a problem with their sibling and they want their close friends’ perspective.

If you’ve dated for a short while and things have been heating up fast, your partner could be withdrawing because they’re overwhelmed. They might need a breather to get perspective about what they want. Maybe you’re ready to move in together and they’re not sure they are there yet. Or maybe they just need to get theirequilibriumback.

A scientific studylooked at the ways solitude impacted self-regulation. Researchers found that individuals benefit positively when they actively choose time alone and it’s used for regulation of emotions, self-reflection, relaxation, or creative pursuits. Evidence also showed people have reducedstressand increased relaxation during these alone periods. That could explain why during relationships, one person might crave space.

How to Handle Your Partner’s Need for Space

It’s normal to feel anxiety or dread after your significant other declares they want more space. And it’s unnerving if your partner hasn’t said anything, but is not around much as of late. Here are suggestions on healthy ways you should and should not handle the situation.

3 Things to Do

3 Things NOT to Do

When Their Desire for Space Signals A Problem

For new relationships, however, a partner’s taking a break could be ared flag. You don’t know each other well and are not in a committed partnership. Their disappearance could signal that the person is bailing. Are theyghostingyou, evading you, or being inconsiderate and focused on doing their own thing?

Let’s say you’ve dated exclusively for six months. Suddenly hearing nothing from your significant other for one whole week becomes problematic.Communication in relationshipsis very important. Their desire for space and lack of discussion about it can easily sever relationships.

As you might guess, couples who spend lots of time together and communicate often feel closer to one another. One studyanalyzed the association between the time couples spent talking, arguing, and in shared activities with relationship outcomes.

Results showed that couples who spent a larger proportion of their time talking together reported greater satisfaction. They also viewed their relationship as having more positive qualities and experienced greater closeness than the other couples.

Managing Opposite Needs Regarding Closeness and Space

One person in a couple might want moreclosenessand the other more space at any given time. Having differing needs for space and closeness doesn’t mean you’re a mismatch. Just discuss what you need with your partner and see if there’s a way to compromise so you both get what you want.

Needing space doesn’t have to cause concern. When couples carve out private time to rest and recharge, they are promoting wellness. Giving each other space can refresh your relationship and make your bond even stronger.

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Nguyen TT, Ryan RM, Deci EL.Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2018;44(1):92-106. doi:10.1177/0146167217733073Hogan JN, Crenshaw AO, Baucom KJW, Baucom BRW.Time Spent Together in Intimate Relationships: Implications for Relationship Functioning.Contemp Fam Ther. 2021;43(3):226-233. doi:10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Nguyen TT, Ryan RM, Deci EL.Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2018;44(1):92-106. doi:10.1177/0146167217733073Hogan JN, Crenshaw AO, Baucom KJW, Baucom BRW.Time Spent Together in Intimate Relationships: Implications for Relationship Functioning.Contemp Fam Ther. 2021;43(3):226-233. doi:10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Nguyen TT, Ryan RM, Deci EL.Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2018;44(1):92-106. doi:10.1177/0146167217733073Hogan JN, Crenshaw AO, Baucom KJW, Baucom BRW.Time Spent Together in Intimate Relationships: Implications for Relationship Functioning.Contemp Fam Ther. 2021;43(3):226-233. doi:10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6

Nguyen TT, Ryan RM, Deci EL.Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation.Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2018;44(1):92-106. doi:10.1177/0146167217733073

Hogan JN, Crenshaw AO, Baucom KJW, Baucom BRW.Time Spent Together in Intimate Relationships: Implications for Relationship Functioning.Contemp Fam Ther. 2021;43(3):226-233. doi:10.1007/s10591-020-09562-6

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