Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsReasons You May Feel Like Everyone Hates YouCommon Cognitive DistortionsHealthy Ways to ReframeWhen to Address Your Mental Health NeedsSeeking Help

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Reasons You May Feel Like Everyone Hates You

Common Cognitive Distortions

Healthy Ways to Reframe

When to Address Your Mental Health Needs

Seeking Help

Close

Feeling like everyone hates you, while distressing, is actually a common feeling. For many, new social scenes, like starting at a new school or job, can bring up these feelings. Seeing people hanging out onsocial mediaand other stressors from other parts of your life can exacerbate these feelings as well.

This article discusses why you might be feeling like everyone hates you, how to reframe negative thoughts about yourself, and how to seek help to address these feelings.

How to Do a Digital Detox

While being worried people don’t like you is common for people experiencing new places and major life changes, it’s a feeling that can rear its ugly head no matter where you are in life.

But, it should be comforting that nearly everyone, at one time or another, has felt this way.

Anita A. Chlipala, LMFT and author, says people worry about others not liking them if they feel people don’t want to be around them or like they’re the only ones initiating plans. Seeing your friends on social media can also elicitfeelings of being left out, and so can hearing about a social event that you weren’t invited to.

Are You a Likable Person?

This fast, free quiz can help give you insight into whether or not you possess traits that could make you more or less likable.

These situations may causeconfirmation bias, which causes people to twist any fact to make it fit a narrative they have already created about themselves. In other words, people use social media to focus on the negative possibilities and ignore the positive ones. They find ways to perpetuate negative beliefs about themselves.

Cognitive distortionscan also perpetuate negative thoughts and emotions.

“I commonly find people don’t even realize their thinking is unhealthy and that it is actually a cognitive distortion,” Chlipala says. “People believe their thoughts without checking to see if they are true.”

How to Stop Negative Thoughts

There are many negative thought patterns that can lead someone to believe everyone dislikes them. Some of the most common ones include:

All-or-Nothing Thinking

All-or-nothing thinkingis common among people who struggle with depression or anxiety. It’s when you find yourself dividing every thought into a clear black-or-white situation. For example, instead of assuming someone caught a last-minute movie, you jump to the conclusion that they must have planned it out and chose not to invite you. Look for patterns of thinking where you find yourself mentally using words like “never,” “ever,” or “always” to detect this cognitive distortion.

Catastrophizing

Catastrophizingis when you take every small action and turn it into a catastrophe. If you’re worried about everyone hating you, this type of thinking would make you think something small, like forgetting a friend’s birthday, made everyone think of you as an inconsiderate friend and, because of that, has collectively chosen to omit you from outings in the future.

Personalization

This distortion is particularly relevant when you feel like everyone hates you because it makes you think every situation is personal when, in reality, your friend may not have called you back because of a family emergency that had nothing to do with you.

Mental Filters

Mental filers cause people to overlook good things and focus on one bad thing. Instead of remembering the good times with a friend, you might keep thinking about something you regret saying from the past, even if you have evidence it didn’t matter to your friend.

Getting past these cognitive distortions takes practice, but once you’ve recognized that you fall into certain thought patterns, you can begin to address them.“For each distortion, you can practice the healthier alternative,” says Chlipala. “For example, instead of taking things personally, practice externalizing to things that have nothing to do with you. It’s not that people hate you, it’s just that they’re busy or need to prioritize a new relationship or work project.”

Getting past these cognitive distortions takes practice, but once you’ve recognized that you fall into certain thought patterns, you can begin to address them.

“For each distortion, you can practice the healthier alternative,” says Chlipala. “For example, instead of taking things personally, practice externalizing to things that have nothing to do with you. It’s not that people hate you, it’s just that they’re busy or need to prioritize a new relationship or work project.”

When you notice yourself falling into negative thought patterns, try to recognize any immediate factors that may be contributing to this line of thinking, likeself-isolatingor not keeping up your typical routine.

If you do get stuck on these negative thoughts, Chlipala says you should practice playing your own devil’s advocate.

“Challenge yourself to think of alternative explanations,” says Chlipala. “You can also ask people for feedback. I wouldn’t say, ‘I think you hate me. Is this true?’ but you can approach the topic more gently: ‘I’ve been feeling like I’ve been the only one initiating as of late. Is there something going on? I want to make sure I didn’t upset you or hurt your feelings.'”

Also, remember that others often don’t notice the tiny details you may be getting hung up on. If you’re worried you said something stupid at a party and that’s the reason people aren’t inviting you, remember that people are not thinking about it as much as you are and may have not even noticed.

Chlipala says it’s important for people to recognize these negative thoughts so they don’t become a common mental pattern your brain turns to when certain issues arise.

Understanding Cognitive Restructuring

Address Other Mental Health Needs

In addition to noticing when your mind is engaging in cognitive distortions, notice if you’re focusing on friends and outward problems toavoidthinking about what’s really going on.

For example, if you notice you are particularly prone to this type of thinking when you’re in a fight with your boyfriend or when dealing with family struggles, make sure you’re noting this and practicing healthy ways of coping with these other issues as well.

If you find yourself falling into a pattern of cognitive distortions when you’re dealing with other stressors, consider meditating or othermindfulness-based stress reductiontechniques.

If you can’t shake the feeling everyone hates you, Chlipala recommends seeking out acognitive-behavioral therapist. A CBT therapist can help you recognize frequently recurringmaladaptivethought patterns or cognitive distortions. A therapist will also be able to help you come up with ways to reframe patterns of thinking that are specific to you.

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