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If lately you haven’t been feeling as attracted to your partner, you may wonder why you’re feeling this way and what to do about it.
This article explores the role of attraction in relationships, reasons why attraction may fade, and some steps you can take if you’re feeling this way, such as improving your communication, prioritizing time together, and focusing on the positives in your relationship.
The Role of Attraction in Relationships
Attraction is a reaction to a combination of physical, mental, emotional, and intellectual elements we find desirable in others, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University.
According to Dr. Romanoff, attraction serves as the link for manytypes of affectionbetween partners, which may manifest itself through various forms, such as:
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDWithout attraction, many of these types of connections do not occur.
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
Without attraction, many of these types of connections do not occur.
Reasons Why Attraction May Fade
Below, Dr. Romanoff lists some of the reasons why attraction may fade over time:
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What to Do If You Feel This Way
Dr. Romanoff suggests some steps you can take, if lately you haven’t been feeling attracted to your partner anymore:
Try to work out the cause
Try to understand the origins or the cause behind the lack of attraction. Remember, the cause may bephysicalor emotional. Try to identify what caused this feeling the first time and pay attention to what triggers it when you’re with your partner, so you can work through it if possible. Alternatively, think about what originally made you attracted to your partner and consider what changed.
It may also be helpful to reflect on what you may be wanting or needing from your partner that you are not receiving.
Communicate with your partner
Practice active listening
During your discussions with your partner, make it a point to hear their side of things as well. For instance, they may feel that their efforts often went unreciprocated, so they stopped trying. In addition to asking for what you want, it’s important to ask what they need from you, too.
Put some effort into the relationship
Be the change you wish to see. If you want more fun, excitement, orromancein the relationship, actively take steps to bring those elements into your relationship. Take the first step yourself to initiate what you want to experience, instead of waiting for your partner to begin.
Practice doing so from a place of love and care, without unspoken expectations, bitterness, or resentment. Notice how it feels to invite your partner to join you in what you want to share with them.
Prioritize time together
Prioritize spending time with your partner, whether it’s to do things you both enjoy, discover new interests together, or simply hang out together.
Focus on the positives
Avoid comparisons
Every relationship dynamic is unique. Rather than comparing your relationship with others’, focus on what makes yours special.
Speak to a therapist
If you’re unsure of how to cope with your feelings or what to do next, it may be helpful to see a therapist. Furthermore, if your partner is open to it,couples therapycan help you address issues in the relationship, improve your communication with each other, and work on solutions together.
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A Word From Verywell
When you first meet someone, there are lots of sparks and everything feels new and exciting. However, over time, as you become more committed to each other, settle into a daily routine, and get busy with life, things may start to feel a little dull and monotonous. All these factors can contribute to the lack of attraction to your partner.
If you can identify what is causing this feeling, talk to your partner about it and tell them what you need from them. It’s also important to ask your partner what they need from you. Start making more of an effort toward your relationship and make it a point to appreciate your partner’s positive attributes.
3 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Tobore TO.Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The quadruple theory.Front Psychol. 2020;11:862. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00862
Mostova O, Stolarski M, Matthews G.I love the way you love me: Responding to partner’s love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples.PLoS One. 2022;17(6):e0269429. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0269429
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