What to Do If You or a Loved One Lack Empathy

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSigns of a Lack of EmpathyCausesEffectsHow to Develop EmpathyWhen You Don’t Receive Empathy From Others

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs of a Lack of Empathy

Causes

Effects

How to Develop Empathy

When You Don’t Receive Empathy From Others

Close

Empathyinvolves the ability to understand what other people are experiencing. It plays an essential role in building social connections and promotesprosocialbehaviors. However, not everyone experiences empathy for others in every situation, which can have a variety of individual and societal consequences.

What can you do if you or a loved one lack empathy? First, it’s important to establish boundaries, nurture your relationship with other people, and avoid seeking emotional validation from that person. Read on for signs that may indicate a lack of empathy and tips for dealing with those who do.

A lack of empathy isn’t always easy to detect, but there are a few signs that can help you determine if you or a loved one might not be empathetic:

Empathy isn’t an all-or-nothing quality. Think of it as a continuum. Some people are naturally more empathetic, while others are less so. Other factors, including situational variables, can affect how much empathy people feel at any given time.

Factors that can impact how much empathy people feel for others include how well they know the other person, whether they like the individual,what they blamefor the other person’s situation, past experiences, and expectations.

How Empathetic Are You?Ask yourself the following questions to determine how empathetic you are:Do you have a hard time picking up on the emotions of people around you?Is it hard to imagine how you would feel if you were in someone else’s situation?Are you indifferent when you see other people experiencing hardships?Do you stop listening to other people if you don’t agree with them?Do you avoid helping people who are upset, hurt, or at a disadvantage?If you answered yes to most of the above questions, there’s a strong chance that you struggle to feel empathy for others. While this can be problematic, there are things you can do to become more empathetic.

How Empathetic Are You?

Ask yourself the following questions to determine how empathetic you are:Do you have a hard time picking up on the emotions of people around you?Is it hard to imagine how you would feel if you were in someone else’s situation?Are you indifferent when you see other people experiencing hardships?Do you stop listening to other people if you don’t agree with them?Do you avoid helping people who are upset, hurt, or at a disadvantage?If you answered yes to most of the above questions, there’s a strong chance that you struggle to feel empathy for others. While this can be problematic, there are things you can do to become more empathetic.

Ask yourself the following questions to determine how empathetic you are:

If you answered yes to most of the above questions, there’s a strong chance that you struggle to feel empathy for others. While this can be problematic, there are things you can do to become more empathetic.

Genetics play a part in the heritable aspects of personality and temperament. So some people are born with tendencies that make them more empathetic to others. However, experiences throughout life also play an important role.

Parents, teachers, peers, society, and culture affect how people feel about kindness, empathy,compassion, and helping behaviors.

There is also some research suggesting that men and women tend to experience and express empathy in different ways. Women generally score higher on measures of empathy.

Some conditions may play a role in a lack of empathy such asnarcissistic personality disorder(NPD),antisocial personality disorder, andborderline personality disorder(BPD).

Lack of empathy can have a number of effects. Some of these include:

Lack of empathy can also have consequences in healthcare settings. Research suggests that healthcare workers' empathy declines as a result of medical training.This can result in uncompassionate care, worse health outcomes, and poor patient experiences.

Empathy was once believed to be an inborn trait that could not be learned, but some researchers believe that this is a quality that people can develop and strengthen.

Some strategies that can help you to become a more empathetic person include:

Observe

Spend time noticing what other people are doing and think about the emotions or thoughts that might be driving those actions. How would you feel if you were in the same situation? Are there aspects of the situation you haven’t considered? Are there things that you can do to help?

Thinking about other people in this way can be helpful for improving your cognitive empathy skills.Cognitive empathyrefers to an intellectual awareness of what other people are feeling.

Listen

Make an intentional effort to listen to what other people are saying. The goal is to listen in order to understand. In addition toactively listeningto what people are saying,pay attention to other cuesthat can tell you what people are feeling such as tone of voice, facial expressions, andbody language.

Practice Identifying Emotions

Spend time identifying and labeling your emotional responses. It can be more challenging to understand what other people are feeling if you struggle to recognize the emotions that you are feeling and the effect they have on your behavior.

Practice showing yourself empathy may help you become better attuned to the emotional experiences of other people.

Work on Your Communication Skills

Interpersonal and communication skillsplay an important role in empathy. These abilities allow people to better engage with others and respond with supportive behaviors, which can help people to better experience and express empathy.

This suggests that working on interpersonal and communication skills may help improve empathy. The effect, however, may require additional support or training to maintain empathetic behaviors over the long term.

Be Open to Emotions

Feeling empathy for others involves allowing yourself to feel what other people are feeling. This means allowing yourself to be open andvulnerable.

While this often involves experiencing challenging emotions, learning how to tolerate even the moredistressing onescan help you forge stronger connections with other people. Doing this also allows other people to empathize with you and offer the support you need.

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Use Emotions to Help Guide Action

Empathy is about more than just feeling sorrow or sympathy for what other people are going through. Because empathy allows you to feel what others may be feeling, it can also give you the motivation and sense of empowerment to take action.

How to Respond When People Lack Empathy

Frustrations and problems can also arise when people in your life seem to lack empathy. It can create challenges in your relationship if you feel like your loved one doesn’t empathize with your feelings.

How should you respond to a loved one who lacks empathy?

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Perhaps most importantly, don’t let other people’s lack of empathy curtail your ability to connect with other people’s emotions. Some people won’t show care and concern for you or for the plight of others who might be suffering.

Empathy fuels kindness and human connection. Allow yourself to empathize with other people and create boundaries to protect yourself from those who don’t express that empathy in return.

A Word From Verywell

A lack of empathy can create a wide variety of problems. It’s also a quality that varies depending on the situation, so even naturally empathetic people may experience a lack of empathy from time to time.

Being aware of situations where you feel emotionally uninvolved and disconnected may help you better consider some of the factors you might be missing. But if a lack of empathy is a deeper, more lasting problem that affects your communication and relationships, consider talking to a therapist.

A mental health professional can help you explore the cause of the problem and learn strategies that may help you better understand and empathize with what other people are going through.

Get Help NowWe’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

Get Help Now

We’ve tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of thebest online therapy programsincluding Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.

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6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kret ME, De Gelder B.A review on sex difference in processing emotional signals.Neuropsychologia. 2012; 50(7):1211-1221. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2011.12.022Nunes P, Williams S, Stevenson K.A study of empathy decline in students from five health disciplines during their first year of training.Int J Med Educ. 2011;2:12–17. doi:10.5116/ijme.4d47.ddb0Srivastava K, Das RC.Empathy: Process of adaptation and change, is it trainable?Ind Psychiatry J. 2016;25(1):1-3. doi:10.4103/0972-6748.196055Baird AD, Scheffer IE, Wilson SJ.Mirror neuron system involvement in empathy: A critical look at the evidence.Soc Neurosci. 2011;6(4):327-35. doi:10.1080/17470919.2010.547085Riess H.The science of empathy.J Patient Exp. 2017;4(2):74-77. doi:10.1177/2374373517699267Kataoka H, Iwase T, Ogawa H, et al.Can communication skills training improve empathy? A six-year longitudinal study of medical students in Japan.Medical Teacher. 2019;41(2):195-200. doi:10.1080/0142159X.2018.1460657

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Kret ME, De Gelder B.A review on sex difference in processing emotional signals.Neuropsychologia. 2012; 50(7):1211-1221. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2011.12.022Nunes P, Williams S, Stevenson K.A study of empathy decline in students from five health disciplines during their first year of training.Int J Med Educ. 2011;2:12–17. doi:10.5116/ijme.4d47.ddb0Srivastava K, Das RC.Empathy: Process of adaptation and change, is it trainable?Ind Psychiatry J. 2016;25(1):1-3. doi:10.4103/0972-6748.196055Baird AD, Scheffer IE, Wilson SJ.Mirror neuron system involvement in empathy: A critical look at the evidence.Soc Neurosci. 2011;6(4):327-35. doi:10.1080/17470919.2010.547085Riess H.The science of empathy.J Patient Exp. 2017;4(2):74-77. doi:10.1177/2374373517699267Kataoka H, Iwase T, Ogawa H, et al.Can communication skills training improve empathy? A six-year longitudinal study of medical students in Japan.Medical Teacher. 2019;41(2):195-200. doi:10.1080/0142159X.2018.1460657

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Kret ME, De Gelder B.A review on sex difference in processing emotional signals.Neuropsychologia. 2012; 50(7):1211-1221. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2011.12.022Nunes P, Williams S, Stevenson K.A study of empathy decline in students from five health disciplines during their first year of training.Int J Med Educ. 2011;2:12–17. doi:10.5116/ijme.4d47.ddb0Srivastava K, Das RC.Empathy: Process of adaptation and change, is it trainable?Ind Psychiatry J. 2016;25(1):1-3. doi:10.4103/0972-6748.196055Baird AD, Scheffer IE, Wilson SJ.Mirror neuron system involvement in empathy: A critical look at the evidence.Soc Neurosci. 2011;6(4):327-35. doi:10.1080/17470919.2010.547085Riess H.The science of empathy.J Patient Exp. 2017;4(2):74-77. doi:10.1177/2374373517699267Kataoka H, Iwase T, Ogawa H, et al.Can communication skills training improve empathy? A six-year longitudinal study of medical students in Japan.Medical Teacher. 2019;41(2):195-200. doi:10.1080/0142159X.2018.1460657

Kret ME, De Gelder B.A review on sex difference in processing emotional signals.Neuropsychologia. 2012; 50(7):1211-1221. doi:10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2011.12.022

Nunes P, Williams S, Stevenson K.A study of empathy decline in students from five health disciplines during their first year of training.Int J Med Educ. 2011;2:12–17. doi:10.5116/ijme.4d47.ddb0

Srivastava K, Das RC.Empathy: Process of adaptation and change, is it trainable?Ind Psychiatry J. 2016;25(1):1-3. doi:10.4103/0972-6748.196055

Baird AD, Scheffer IE, Wilson SJ.Mirror neuron system involvement in empathy: A critical look at the evidence.Soc Neurosci. 2011;6(4):327-35. doi:10.1080/17470919.2010.547085

Riess H.The science of empathy.J Patient Exp. 2017;4(2):74-77. doi:10.1177/2374373517699267

Kataoka H, Iwase T, Ogawa H, et al.Can communication skills training improve empathy? A six-year longitudinal study of medical students in Japan.Medical Teacher. 2019;41(2):195-200. doi:10.1080/0142159X.2018.1460657

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