The beginning oftherapybrings up complicated emotions. You might feel relieved that you’ve been able to unburden yourself, or even awe at the way your therapist “gets” you. Like every relationship, there is usually a honeymoon period, in which you admire and respect your therapist, confident in their ability to heal you.Over time, however, the newness fades and the work gets harder. People often put their therapist on a pedestal at first, but the therapist is bound to fall eventually. For some people, adjusting to a more realistic view of the therapist is easy, but for others, resentment or lack of respect creep in.

Common Feelings Toward Therapists

To understand negativefeelings toward a therapist, first let’s look at the broader range of common emotions during therapy.

Possible Causes for Negative Feelings

Your therapist is human, they might make mistakes, or have a personality that clashes with yours. However, common factors in the therapy process itself might also bring up negative feelings.

Transference

Transference occurswhen one’s feelings about something or someone gets superimposed on another. It’s kind of like yelling at your partner over a little thing after you had a bad day at work. Feelings about one person, can get transferred elsewhere, and we’re not always aware we’re doing it.

Pain

When therapists try to address painful matters, especially if they push you to examine your role in those matters, sometimes you might react with anger. Anger is a defense against underlying pain and can be a natural human reaction.

Shame

Poor relationship patterns

Many times, people come to therapy with a history of relationship struggles. We often repeat patterns in our relationships. If you tend to have conflict with friends, family members, and coworkers, some of those same patterns may resurface in work with a therapist.

What to Do about Negative Feelings Toward Your Therapist

Really, there’s only one thing to do with any feeling that crops up about your therapist — talk to them. It’s a scary prospect, no matter what type of negative feelings you’re experiencing.Regardless of how annoyed you might be, it can be a real challenge to make yourself have an honest, face-to-face conversation about it. Remember, therapists are trained for difficult conversations.Here are some possible outcomes from such a conversation:,

Overall, it’s common to have negative feelings toward your therapist from time to time, but feelings of resentment or lack of respect can be toxic for your work, and for you, if they aren’t addressed openly. I encourage you to share these feelings with your therapist as they arise so you can work through them effectively.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

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