What to Do If You Don't Like Your In-Laws

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCommunicate With Your PartnerAvoid Sensitive TopicsEstablish BoundariesDon’t Take Things PersonallyAccept Your In-Laws As They AreBe Thankful for the Good MomentsSpend Time With ThemFind Common GroundSeek Advice and SupportExpress Your FeelingsBe Patient

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Communicate With Your Partner

Avoid Sensitive Topics

Establish Boundaries

Don’t Take Things Personally

Accept Your In-Laws As They Are

Be Thankful for the Good Moments

Spend Time With Them

Find Common Ground

Seek Advice and Support

Express Your Feelings

Be Patient

Close

“I hate my in-laws” is something that many people find themselves thinking at least once in a while. When you get married, you not only marry your spouse, but you also marry their family. And while you may have fallen in head-over-heels in love with your partner, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll feel the same way about their parents.

It’s pretty common to butt heads with your in-laws from time to time. However, research has shown that discordant relationships with in-laws can increase a couple’s risk for divorce.

But just because you don’t see eye-to-eye with yourmother-in-lawor father-in-law doesn’t mean that your marriage is doomed. With a little bit of patience and understanding, you can learn to navigate the waters and build a healthy relationship with your in-laws—even if you don’t exactly love them.

At a GlanceIf you don’t like your in-laws (or worse, feel like you hate them), it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. You can do many things to maintain your boundaries while respecting your partner’s relationship with their family. Talking to your partner, avoiding conversation killers, and having good boundaries are a few effective strategies. Finding ways to accept them for who they are and not taking things personally can also help.If you’re struggling, here are a few tips on what to do if you don’t like your in-laws.

At a Glance

If you don’t like your in-laws (or worse, feel like you hate them), it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. You can do many things to maintain your boundaries while respecting your partner’s relationship with their family. Talking to your partner, avoiding conversation killers, and having good boundaries are a few effective strategies. Finding ways to accept them for who they are and not taking things personally can also help.If you’re struggling, here are a few tips on what to do if you don’t like your in-laws.

If you don’t like your in-laws (or worse, feel like you hate them), it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed to fail. You can do many things to maintain your boundaries while respecting your partner’s relationship with their family. Talking to your partner, avoiding conversation killers, and having good boundaries are a few effective strategies. Finding ways to accept them for who they are and not taking things personally can also help.

If you’re struggling, here are a few tips on what to do if you don’t like your in-laws.

The first step is totalk to your spouseabout your concerns. They may be completely unaware of the tension between you and their family members, and they can help mediate the situation.

In some cases, they might have a conversation with their family members or take steps to intervene in the conflict before it becomes worse. They may also be able to suggest ways of dealing with the problem or clear up misunderstandings that might be creating problems.

If they’re not willing or able to help, then you’ll need to take things into your own hands.

Avoid Sensitive Topics With In-Laws

There are certain topics that are likely tocause conflictbetween you and your in-laws. Whether it’spolitics, religion, or yourparenting style, it’s best to avoid these topics altogether. If you can’t avoid them, then be respectful and try to see things from their perspective.

If you have disagreements, try to discuss them in acalm and respectful way. And avoid openly criticizing them—this will only make things worse.

Establish Boundaries With Your In-Laws

It’s important toset boundarieswith your in-laws, especially if they’re overbearing or meddling in your life.

Examples of boundaries with your in-laws can include:

Let them know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable with. And don’t be afraid to stick to your guns—even if it means saying “no” to them.

There will be times when your in-laws say or do something that hurts your feelings. But it’s importantnot to take things personally.

This can be tough when it sometimes feels like what they are saying is specifically aimed at you. But it’s important to remember that they may not be intentionally trying to hurt you.

Tactics that can help include:

Instead of worrying about what they think, remind yourself that the only opinions that matter are yours and your partner’s.

If nothing else, remember that they’re just human like everyone else.

Your in-laws are never going to change, so it’s important toaccept them for who they are. Some strategies that can help you accept other people as they are include:

Trying to change them will only cause tension and conflict. So instead, focus on accepting them and building a relationship with them that works for both of you.

No matter how difficult your relationship with your in-laws may be, there will always be good moments too. Cherish these moments and bethankful for them.

Strategies that can help you experience greater gratitude include:

Practicing gratitude has been shown to positively impact well-being.So, if you’re in a better headspace, you may find that it’s easier to get along with your in-laws.

It can be difficult to spend time with your in-laws if you don’t particularly enjoy their company. But if you canfind activities that you both enjoy, it can help build a stronger bond between you. This could be anything from going for walks to playing cards to watching a movie together.

However, if you’re finding it difficult to be around your in-laws for extended periods of time, then try spending time with them in small doses.

Start with short visits andgradually increase the amount of timeyou spend together. This will help you get used to their company and build a stronger relationship over time.

One of the best ways to build a relationship with your in-laws is toget to know them better. Ask them about their life, their interests, and their opinions on various topics.

You might find it easier to get to know them if you meet in a place where you feel more comfortable. For example, you might invite them over to your place once in a while to play card games or enjoy a meal together at one of your favorite restaurants.

If you’re struggling to deal with your in-laws, it’s important toseek out supportfrom someone who can offer impartial advice. This could be a friend or a relative who is one step removed from the situation. They’ll be able to offer you support and guidance without any bias.

If your negative feelings about your in-laws are causing distress or interfering with your ability to function in your life, consider talking to a mental health professional. They can help you explore some of the reasons why these relationships are so upsetting and help you develophealthy coping strategiesthat can help.

It’s important to find a way to express your feelings in a healthy way. This could be through writing, artistic expression, or other forms of self-expression. Other ideas for expressing your emotions include:

It’s important to find a way to release the anger, frustration, and hurt that you’re feeling, or else it will only fester and grow over time.

Building a strong relationship with your in-laws takes time and patience. It won’t happen overnight, so don’t expect it to. Be patient and understanding, and eventually, you’ll be able to develop astrong bond with them.

What This Means For YouIt’s not always easy to get along with your in-laws, but it is possible. With time, patience, and effort, you can develop a strong and healthy relationship with them. If you’ve tried everything and are still struggling to build a relationship with your in-laws, it may be time toseek professional help. A therapist can assist you in working through the issues that are preventing you from having a healthy relationship with your in-laws.

What This Means For You

It’s not always easy to get along with your in-laws, but it is possible. With time, patience, and effort, you can develop a strong and healthy relationship with them. If you’ve tried everything and are still struggling to build a relationship with your in-laws, it may be time toseek professional help. A therapist can assist you in working through the issues that are preventing you from having a healthy relationship with your in-laws.

Press Play for Advice On Dealing With Your In-LawsThis episode ofThe Verywell Mind Podcastshares how to navigate in-law relationships. Click below to listen now.

Press Play for Advice On Dealing With Your In-Laws

This episode ofThe Verywell Mind Podcastshares how to navigate in-law relationships. Click below to listen now.

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Fiori KL, Rauer AJ, Birditt KS, Brown E, Orbuch TL.You aren’t as close to my family as you think: Discordant perceptions about in-laws and risk of divorce.Res Hum Dev. 2021;17(4+):258-273. doi:10.1080/15427609.2021.1874792Sun J, Harris K, Vazire S.Is well-being associated with the quantity and quality of social interactions?.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2020;119(6):1478-96. doi:10.1037/pspp0000272Peterson E, Solomon D.Maintaining healthy boundaries in professional relationships: a balancing act.Home Care Provid. 1998;3(6):314-318.Cregg DR, Cheavens JS.Gratitude interventions: effective self-help? A meta-analysis of the impact on symptoms of depression and anxiety.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(1):413-445. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00236-6

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Fiori KL, Rauer AJ, Birditt KS, Brown E, Orbuch TL.You aren’t as close to my family as you think: Discordant perceptions about in-laws and risk of divorce.Res Hum Dev. 2021;17(4+):258-273. doi:10.1080/15427609.2021.1874792Sun J, Harris K, Vazire S.Is well-being associated with the quantity and quality of social interactions?.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2020;119(6):1478-96. doi:10.1037/pspp0000272Peterson E, Solomon D.Maintaining healthy boundaries in professional relationships: a balancing act.Home Care Provid. 1998;3(6):314-318.Cregg DR, Cheavens JS.Gratitude interventions: effective self-help? A meta-analysis of the impact on symptoms of depression and anxiety.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(1):413-445. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00236-6

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Fiori KL, Rauer AJ, Birditt KS, Brown E, Orbuch TL.You aren’t as close to my family as you think: Discordant perceptions about in-laws and risk of divorce.Res Hum Dev. 2021;17(4+):258-273. doi:10.1080/15427609.2021.1874792Sun J, Harris K, Vazire S.Is well-being associated with the quantity and quality of social interactions?.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2020;119(6):1478-96. doi:10.1037/pspp0000272Peterson E, Solomon D.Maintaining healthy boundaries in professional relationships: a balancing act.Home Care Provid. 1998;3(6):314-318.Cregg DR, Cheavens JS.Gratitude interventions: effective self-help? A meta-analysis of the impact on symptoms of depression and anxiety.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(1):413-445. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00236-6

Fiori KL, Rauer AJ, Birditt KS, Brown E, Orbuch TL.You aren’t as close to my family as you think: Discordant perceptions about in-laws and risk of divorce.Res Hum Dev. 2021;17(4+):258-273. doi:10.1080/15427609.2021.1874792

Sun J, Harris K, Vazire S.Is well-being associated with the quantity and quality of social interactions?.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2020;119(6):1478-96. doi:10.1037/pspp0000272

Peterson E, Solomon D.Maintaining healthy boundaries in professional relationships: a balancing act.Home Care Provid. 1998;3(6):314-318.

Cregg DR, Cheavens JS.Gratitude interventions: effective self-help? A meta-analysis of the impact on symptoms of depression and anxiety.J Happiness Stud. 2021;22(1):413-445. doi:10.1007/s10902-020-00236-6

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