What the Term 'Flying Monkeys' Means When We Talk About Narcissism

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsHow Can You Tell If Someone Is a Flying Monkey?Why Do People Submit to Narcissists?How to Deal With Flying Monkeys

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Table of Contents

How Can You Tell If Someone Is a Flying Monkey?

Why Do People Submit to Narcissists?

How to Deal With Flying Monkeys

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When people discuss narcissists, they sometimes use the phrase ‘flying monkeys.’ Flying monkeys refer to people who carry out the work of a narcissist or an abusive person, and it comes from The Wizard of Oz, in which the Wicked Witch of the West puts flying monkeys under her spell.

Lauren Kerwin, PhDIt’s often difficult to recognize a flying monkey, as they may seem like normal people who are simply taking sides in a disagreement or conflict

Lauren Kerwin, PhD

It’s often difficult to recognize a flying monkey, as they may seem like normal people who are simply taking sides in a disagreement or conflict

They did the bidding for the Wicked Witch in much the same way as people might ‘work’ for a narcissist—hence the term being used to describe these people. A narcissist might use theirfriendsor family—or even yours—as spies, or to spread rumors, making them act as substitutes for themselves.

Here’s how to tell if someone is a flying monkey and how to deal with them, as well as why people might submit to narcissists.

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“It’s often difficult to recognize a flying monkey,” explainsLauren Kerwin, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, “as they may seem like normal people who are simply taking sides in a disagreement or conflict”.

Signs Someone Is a Flying MonkeyHowever, Dr. Kerwin outlines a few key tell-tale signs to look out for:They side with the narcissist no matter the situation or evidence presented to themThey spread gossip or rumors about youTheygaslightor manipulate youThey dismiss or trivialize your feelingsThey pass on information about you to help the narcissist harass you

Signs Someone Is a Flying Monkey

However, Dr. Kerwin outlines a few key tell-tale signs to look out for:They side with the narcissist no matter the situation or evidence presented to themThey spread gossip or rumors about youTheygaslightor manipulate youThey dismiss or trivialize your feelingsThey pass on information about you to help the narcissist harass you

However, Dr. Kerwin outlines a few key tell-tale signs to look out for:

Flying monkeys could be friends or associates of the narcissist, friends or associates of you, or people you think of as authority figures.

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There’s no easy answer here as there could be any number of reasons. Often, narcissists will begin ‘grooming’ their flying monkeys from the beginning, testing the relationship between you and them.

They can flip things, making people believe that they’re the ones being abused, rather than it being the other way around.

Flying Monkeys May Be People-Pleasers

Sometimes, flying monkeys will have conditions or disorders that make them more susceptible. However, this certainly doesn’t mean that everybody with a certain condition will be a flying monkey.

For example, somebody with narcissistic personality disorder might be a flying monkey. In this case, a narcissist might submit to another one if there’s something in it for them, be it money, power, or the hope of overtaking them in the future.

People withanxietymight be drawn to the power andconfidencethe narcissist projects, while co-dependent people may like to serve a narcissist as a way of feeling purpose and satisfaction with their life.

17 Signs You’re in a Narcissistic Marriage or Relationship

Dealing with flying monkeys isn’t always going to be easy. In many cases, they’ll be friends or family members of you, the narcissist, or both. However, Dr. Kerwin suggests some strategies that you can try.

It might be difficult to follow these steps, particularly if you’re leaving arelationship with a narcissistor cutting them out of your life. They may send flying monkeys after you, and limiting contact entirely may not be possible. However, it’s important to be as firm as you can when you set boundaries and avoid confrontation where possible.

Before you cut a narcissist out of your life or end your relationship, make a plan and a list of reasons why you’re leaving the relationship. This is a good idea because the narcissist and their flying monkeys candistort reality, causing you to question yourself too.

If you’re having to deal with flying monkeys, whether the narcissist is still in your life or not, you may benefit from speaking to a mental health professional. They can offer you help and advice tailored to your circumstances and situation and can help you manage in the aftermath if you decide to end the relationship as narcissistic abuse can have long-term mental health effects.

The 5 Things You Need to Do If You’re Dealing With a Narcissist

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sakthivel A.Flying monkeys in a corporate environment: A qualitative analysis.Int J Indian Psychol. 2021;9(2): 417-421. doi:10.25215.0902.043Howard V.Recognising Narcissistic Abuse and the Implications for Mental Health Nursing Practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sakthivel A.Flying monkeys in a corporate environment: A qualitative analysis.Int J Indian Psychol. 2021;9(2): 417-421. doi:10.25215.0902.043Howard V.Recognising Narcissistic Abuse and the Implications for Mental Health Nursing Practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Sakthivel A.Flying monkeys in a corporate environment: A qualitative analysis.Int J Indian Psychol. 2021;9(2): 417-421. doi:10.25215.0902.043Howard V.Recognising Narcissistic Abuse and the Implications for Mental Health Nursing Practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485

Sakthivel A.Flying monkeys in a corporate environment: A qualitative analysis.Int J Indian Psychol. 2021;9(2): 417-421. doi:10.25215.0902.043

Howard V.Recognising Narcissistic Abuse and the Implications for Mental Health Nursing Practice.Issues Ment Health Nurs. 2019;40(8):644-654. doi:10.1080/01612840.2019.1590485

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