Lacking mental health support, too many American women experience emotional crises as they navigate contemporary motherhood. As founder of ESME.com (Empowering Strong Moms Everywhere), every day I witness mothers who are lonely, exhausted, anxious, depressed, suffering from PTSD, and pushed to their psychological limits. “Sexism is making women sick,” warned Jessica Valenti inher now-classic column forThe Guardian. The constant threat of being attacked, insulted, and dismissed instills in women a sense of hypervigilance that’s associated with psychological distress.
Motherhood taps out women’s depleted psychological resources, making them especially susceptible to mental health issues. Many moms don’t have the time or energy to understand why they feel so awful. As a result, they internalize their feelings and do the best they can, day after day.
Top Challenges of Busy Moms
While hormones are often blamed for compromised psychological well-being in women, most of the mental health crises I hear about result from society’s gender expectations and responses to motherhood. I’ve identified ten challengesAmerican mothers face as a result of inequalityand sexism. Other factors also play a role, such as economic stress, racism, and classism, but the daily bombardment of social influences can compromise a mother’s emotional and psychological well-being, regardless of where she lives, who she loves, or what color she is. The following ten challenges are those I hear most from busy moms.
1. Mom guilt
2. Sleep deprivation
A spate of recent studies highlight that mothers contend with years of interrupted sleep, but we don’t need scholars to confirm what we already know: We’re exhausted! Unfortunately, the cumulative impact ofsleep deprivation is dangerousfor our mental health, contributing to depression, anxiety, stress, panic attacks, and other health problems.
3. Work/family balance
Our culture and our employers expect us to raise families as if we don’t have careers and work as if we don’t have children. These clashing expectations take a psychological toll, as millions of working moms scramble and sacrifice to balance each day. Without family leave and other support, too many of us feel worn down, exhausted, and guilty.
4. Caregiving
Despite the women’s movement and strides in education, women perform the large majority of unpaid care work, whether for the elderly, the sick, or their own children. The weight of this burden is relentless and harsh.
5. Children with chronic illnesses and special needs
Divorce statistics reveal that most marriages don’t withstand the pressure of a special-needs child and that mothers overwhelmingly become the child’s primary caregiver. Moms’ herculean efforts, rarely rewarded or appreciated, often stand in the way of self-care and lead to burnout.
6. Work discrimination
Moms who work outside the house (and most do) often face unequal pay and unequal treatment. The work-family balancing act is tough enough; mansplaining, a lack of mentors, and barriers to upward mobility bring added stress. Most organizational cultures continue to disproportionately reward men, but such discrimination can be subtle and thus difficult to detect and fight.
7. Body image
8. Sexual assault/rape culture
At least one in five women experience rape or attempted rape in their lifetime. Amid the #metoo movement, millions of women shared the revelatory but painful recognition that they kept quiet and worked hard while those who abused or assaulted them climbed corporate and political ladders without reprisal. For already stressed-out moms, it’s all too much — especially those of us who’d hoped it would be different for our daughters.
9. Domestic violence and abuse
10. Solo motherhood
Getting Mothers the Support They Need
The gender-based discrimination, abuse, and neglect mothers face can seem overwhelming. Yet with support and advocacy, moms can avoid and begin to heal from the harmful effects of the challenges I’ve described. In particular, change is needed at the individual, organizational, and societal level. Below are three areas most in need of reform.
Mental health services
Women are routinely screened forpostpartum depression after childbirth, but concerns about maternal mental health quickly fall off the healthcare system’s radar after that. Until we acknowledge and grapple with the significant social challenges to maternal mental health, American moms will continue to suffer higher rates of depression, anxiety, exhaustion, and PTSD than the general public. Mental health professionals can do more to shed light on the need to change these psychologically oppressive realities.
Imagine a society in which girls and women can access mental health support and professionals to help them make sense of inequality in real time, rather than years after they’ve already suffered its pernicious effects. Therapy and support groups can help reduce mom guilt, show women that they’re not alone, and empower mothers to find ways to avoid andend abusive relationships.
Institutional support (school and work)
Time’s up for organizations that pay women less than men for the same job, penalize women for taking maternity leave, and otherwise discriminate against women just because they have children. Institutions should be called out for policies that assume men are the primary breadwinners and that women are just earning pocket money.
Organizations need to make structural and ideological changes to meet the social realities of contemporary motherhood. In addition to instituting parent-friendly policies, forward-thinking organizations should provide resources to help parents cope with the emotional and psychological stressors of parenting. In-house counseling, support groups, and onsite daycare would increase the well-being of employees and students, which is good for everyone — not just mothers.
Public policy
Mothers are likely one of the largest special-interest groups in the nation, yet it’s hard for them to mobilize when they’re exhausted and busy every minute of the day. With increased mental health access and support, mothers would have more energy to advocate and organize for laws and policies that support families and gender equity. National support for family leave, child care, sick care centers, equal pay, vouchers for mental health support, less punitive public assistance, better public transportation, and tax breaks for family-friendly small businesses are just some of the ways that we as a nation can support mothers’ psychological wellbeing.
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