What It Means to Be a Hopeless Romantic and 5 Signs You Are One

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsBenefits/PitfallsTips

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Signs

Benefits/Pitfalls

Tips

Raise your hand if you’re a hopelessromantic, someone who has an idealized view of love (it’s OK, we are, too). Chances are, you tend to think of relationships as fairytale-like romances and look for your soulmate in every partner you’re with. Regardless of anyred flagsor past experiences that might suggest otherwise, you truly believe that, ultimately, love conquers all.Hopeless romantics wear rose-colored glasses as their desire to love and be loved causes them to see the fantasy version of the person they’re with, instead of the reality.—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYDThis projection of love often isn’t grounded in the depth ofintimacyand connection—which is often rather unromantic—but instead in the pursuit of chasing the fairy tale narrative of love, saysClaudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.“Being a hopeless romantic can involve ups and downs. While it can mean you approach love and relationships with positivity and hopefulness, it can also mean that you get easily hurt or disappointed if reality doesn’t live up to your expectations.We asked the relationship experts to share some signs of a hopeless romantic and what to do if you are one.What Are the Traits of a Hopeless Romantic?These are some signs that can indicate you are a hopeless romantic.You Have a Fairy Tale-Like View of LoveIf you’re a hopeless romantic, chances are you love fairy tales and rom-coms where charming characters meet, fall inlove, and live happily ever after.You probably have a fantasy of what your happily ever after looks like, and you probably date as a means to find a partner to fit the fantasy, says Dr. Romanoff.You Get Invested in Relationships Very QuicklyWhen you start dating someone, rather than taking a slow, cautious approach todating, you tend toget invested in the relationship early on.For example, you may find yourself fantasizing about a permanent future with a person you’ve only been on a few dates with, says Dr. Romanoff. “Or, you might spend a lot of time thinking about the person, replaying everything they said, and forecasting the future—all of which creates a false sense of closeness and intense feelings for the person,” she adds.You Idealize Your PartnerYou’re looking for yoursoulmate; everyone you meet might be “the one.”This might cause you to idealize your partner in a way that doesn’t match your actual experience of them but helps you cope with their negative qualities, says de Llano.If you tend to put your partner on a pedestal you can’t reach, chances are you’re a hopeless romantic, says de Llano.You Give a Lot to Each RelationshipYou might invest a lot of time, effort, and emotional energy in every relationship, says Dr. Romanoff. You may also spend a lot of money on your partner, taking them on expensive dates or buying them lavish presents.However, it may beone-sidedif your partner is not on the same page, so you may be giving a lot more than you’re getting.You Ignore Potential Red FlagsRed flags are warning signs that your partner may not be the right person for you.It’s important that people heed these signs in order to avoid major ruptures down the road, Dr. Romanoff explains.If you’re a hopeless romantic, you may ignore red flags and turn a blind eye to the person’s imperfections so you can still have your fairy tale fantasy, says Dr. Romanoff. “You are more interested in casting the role of your perfect partner than truly getting to know the other person for who they are.”You are more interested in casting the role of your perfect partner than truly getting to know the other person for who they are.—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYDHow to Date Yourself (And Why You Should)Is Being a Hopeless Romantic a Good Thing?Being a hopeless romantic can be a good thing as well as a bad thing.On the positive side, being a hopeless romantic can be helpful as opening yourself up to love requires significantvulnerability, says Dr. Romanoff. “Despite past heartbreak and pain, hopeless romantics see the good in others and believe in their potential.”On the flip side, however, having unrealistic fairy tale-likeexpectationsis not healthy because a relationship can’t possibly sustain it, says de Llano. “Unrealistic idealization can be harmful, as it keeps you from seeing the relationship as it truly is and your partner in the wholeness of who they are.”Research shows that unrealistic expectations can be harmful to your mental well-being and lead to lower relationship satisfaction.While a positive attitude to relationships is helpful, it’s important to be able to see the relationship dynamic in a way that doesn’t project unrealistic views, emotions, or idealization onto it.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFTWhat to Do If You’re a Hopeless RomanticThe experts suggest some strategies that may be helpful if you’re a hopeless romantic:Evaluate your partner holistically:Dr. Romanoff says it’s important to reflect on the things you like, dislike, and are unsure about in a potential partner. “This helps you develop a more holistic view of the person and forces you to consider the things that might make you incompatible.”Know your needs and set boundaries:Be clear about who you are, what you want, and the treatment you will and won’t accept in a relationship and don’t lower your standards or betray your boundaries because you don’t want to be alone or you’re scared you won’t find love, says Dr. Romanoff. “Don’t accept treatment that is below your standards in exchange for that love.”Recognize your strengths:Work on recognizing your strengths, values, identity, and emotions so that you feel more capable of withstanding all the things life and relationships throw at you, says de Llano. Recognizing your own strengths can keep you from unrealistically idealizing a partner or pursuing relationships in order to avoid being alone.Consider therapy:Oftentimes, we idealize our partners because we are scared of being hurt, alone, orabandoned, says de Llano. “A mental healthcare professional can work with you to explore why you tend to deflect seeing your partner’s negative qualities, teach you how to cope with uncomfortable feelings of fear or insecurity, and help you build healthier attachments.”The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and TestedFrequently Asked QuestionsFrequently Asked QuestionsYes, hopeless romantics tend to fall in love easily and get invested in relationships quickly. They have an idealized view of romance and always tend to see the glass as half full, says de Llano.Being a hopeless romantic isn’t automatically toxic. However, it could be harmful if:You have unrealistic expectations that no one can possibly live up toYour tendency to idealize relationships causes you to overlook red flagsYou are so focused on finding “The One” that you ignore friends, family members, or workYour expectations are hurting your relationship, your mental health, or your partnerIf you find yourself struggling to maintain healthy romantic relationships, it may be helpful to consult a mental healthcare provider.5 Signs Your Partner Is Marriage Material

Hopeless romantics wear rose-colored glasses as their desire to love and be loved causes them to see the fantasy version of the person they’re with, instead of the reality.—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD

Hopeless romantics wear rose-colored glasses as their desire to love and be loved causes them to see the fantasy version of the person they’re with, instead of the reality.

—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD

This projection of love often isn’t grounded in the depth ofintimacyand connection—which is often rather unromantic—but instead in the pursuit of chasing the fairy tale narrative of love, saysClaudia de Llano, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.”

Being a hopeless romantic can involve ups and downs. While it can mean you approach love and relationships with positivity and hopefulness, it can also mean that you get easily hurt or disappointed if reality doesn’t live up to your expectations.

We asked the relationship experts to share some signs of a hopeless romantic and what to do if you are one.

What Are the Traits of a Hopeless Romantic?

These are some signs that can indicate you are a hopeless romantic.

You Have a Fairy Tale-Like View of Love

If you’re a hopeless romantic, chances are you love fairy tales and rom-coms where charming characters meet, fall inlove, and live happily ever after.

You probably have a fantasy of what your happily ever after looks like, and you probably date as a means to find a partner to fit the fantasy, says Dr. Romanoff.

You Get Invested in Relationships Very Quickly

When you start dating someone, rather than taking a slow, cautious approach todating, you tend toget invested in the relationship early on.

For example, you may find yourself fantasizing about a permanent future with a person you’ve only been on a few dates with, says Dr. Romanoff. “Or, you might spend a lot of time thinking about the person, replaying everything they said, and forecasting the future—all of which creates a false sense of closeness and intense feelings for the person,” she adds.

You Idealize Your Partner

You’re looking for yoursoulmate; everyone you meet might be “the one.”

This might cause you to idealize your partner in a way that doesn’t match your actual experience of them but helps you cope with their negative qualities, says de Llano.

If you tend to put your partner on a pedestal you can’t reach, chances are you’re a hopeless romantic, says de Llano.

You Give a Lot to Each Relationship

You might invest a lot of time, effort, and emotional energy in every relationship, says Dr. Romanoff. You may also spend a lot of money on your partner, taking them on expensive dates or buying them lavish presents.

However, it may beone-sidedif your partner is not on the same page, so you may be giving a lot more than you’re getting.

You Ignore Potential Red Flags

Red flags are warning signs that your partner may not be the right person for you.It’s important that people heed these signs in order to avoid major ruptures down the road, Dr. Romanoff explains.

If you’re a hopeless romantic, you may ignore red flags and turn a blind eye to the person’s imperfections so you can still have your fairy tale fantasy, says Dr. Romanoff. “You are more interested in casting the role of your perfect partner than truly getting to know the other person for who they are.”

You are more interested in casting the role of your perfect partner than truly getting to know the other person for who they are.—SABRINA ROMANOFF, PSYD

You are more interested in casting the role of your perfect partner than truly getting to know the other person for who they are.

How to Date Yourself (And Why You Should)

Is Being a Hopeless Romantic a Good Thing?

Being a hopeless romantic can be a good thing as well as a bad thing.

On the positive side, being a hopeless romantic can be helpful as opening yourself up to love requires significantvulnerability, says Dr. Romanoff. “Despite past heartbreak and pain, hopeless romantics see the good in others and believe in their potential.”

On the flip side, however, having unrealistic fairy tale-likeexpectationsis not healthy because a relationship can’t possibly sustain it, says de Llano. “Unrealistic idealization can be harmful, as it keeps you from seeing the relationship as it truly is and your partner in the wholeness of who they are.”

Research shows that unrealistic expectations can be harmful to your mental well-being and lead to lower relationship satisfaction.

While a positive attitude to relationships is helpful, it’s important to be able to see the relationship dynamic in a way that doesn’t project unrealistic views, emotions, or idealization onto it.—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

—CLAUDIA DE LLANO, LMFT

What to Do If You’re a Hopeless Romantic

The experts suggest some strategies that may be helpful if you’re a hopeless romantic:

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked QuestionsYes, hopeless romantics tend to fall in love easily and get invested in relationships quickly. They have an idealized view of romance and always tend to see the glass as half full, says de Llano.Being a hopeless romantic isn’t automatically toxic. However, it could be harmful if:You have unrealistic expectations that no one can possibly live up toYour tendency to idealize relationships causes you to overlook red flagsYou are so focused on finding “The One” that you ignore friends, family members, or workYour expectations are hurting your relationship, your mental health, or your partnerIf you find yourself struggling to maintain healthy romantic relationships, it may be helpful to consult a mental healthcare provider.

Yes, hopeless romantics tend to fall in love easily and get invested in relationships quickly. They have an idealized view of romance and always tend to see the glass as half full, says de Llano.

Being a hopeless romantic isn’t automatically toxic. However, it could be harmful if:You have unrealistic expectations that no one can possibly live up toYour tendency to idealize relationships causes you to overlook red flagsYou are so focused on finding “The One” that you ignore friends, family members, or workYour expectations are hurting your relationship, your mental health, or your partnerIf you find yourself struggling to maintain healthy romantic relationships, it may be helpful to consult a mental healthcare provider.

Being a hopeless romantic isn’t automatically toxic. However, it could be harmful if:

If you find yourself struggling to maintain healthy romantic relationships, it may be helpful to consult a mental healthcare provider.

5 Signs Your Partner Is Marriage Material

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Joel S, MacDonald G.We’re not that choosy: emerging evidence of a progression bias in romantic relationships.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2021;25(4):317-343. doi:10.1177/10888683211025860Sang JM, Egan JE, Meanley SP, et al.Expectations and beliefs.J Community Psychol. 2021;49(6):1732-1747. doi:10.1002/jcop.22522

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Joel S, MacDonald G.We’re not that choosy: emerging evidence of a progression bias in romantic relationships.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2021;25(4):317-343. doi:10.1177/10888683211025860Sang JM, Egan JE, Meanley SP, et al.Expectations and beliefs.J Community Psychol. 2021;49(6):1732-1747. doi:10.1002/jcop.22522

Joel S, MacDonald G.We’re not that choosy: emerging evidence of a progression bias in romantic relationships.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2021;25(4):317-343. doi:10.1177/10888683211025860Sang JM, Egan JE, Meanley SP, et al.Expectations and beliefs.J Community Psychol. 2021;49(6):1732-1747. doi:10.1002/jcop.22522

Joel S, MacDonald G.We’re not that choosy: emerging evidence of a progression bias in romantic relationships.Pers Soc Psychol Rev. 2021;25(4):317-343. doi:10.1177/10888683211025860

Sang JM, Egan JE, Meanley SP, et al.Expectations and beliefs.J Community Psychol. 2021;49(6):1732-1747. doi:10.1002/jcop.22522

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What Are the Traits of a Hopeless Romantic?#

You Have a Fairy Tale-Like View of Love#

You Get Invested in Relationships Very Quickly#

You Idealize Your Partner#

You Give a Lot to Each Relationship#

You Ignore Potential Red Flags#

Is Being a Hopeless Romantic a Good Thing?#

What to Do If You’re a Hopeless Romantic#

Frequently Asked Questions#