What It Means if You're Bored In Your Relationship

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Signs

Causes

How to Cope

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Your relationship might be mostly free ofconflict, but you still might find yourself feeling unsatisfied, tired, or just plain uninspired. So can you inject some excitement back into a monotonous relationship, or is it time to move on and find a fresh start?

This article discusses some of the signs you are bored in your relationship and some of the reasons why the shine often starts to wear off. It also covers steps you can take to fix boredom in a relationship and know if it is time to move on.

Signs of Boredom in Relationships

Some signs that you might be in a boring relationship:

It is important to remember, however, that boredom is not the same thing as being comfortable. After all, it’s important to feel comfortable with your partner. It means that youtrust them, and you feel like you can just be yourself when you are with the other person.

If you and your partner are happy, content, and satisfied with your relationship, then occasional less-than-exciting periods are normal and probably not harmful.

And even if these bouts of boredom are more serious and disruptive, it isn’t necessarily a sign that your relationship isdoomed to fail. Instead, it might indicate that it’s time to make some changes or invest more energy into spicing up your dating or married life.

It’s when boredom signifies stagnation or lack of growth that it becomes a problem. If you aren’t showing each other the time, attention, and affection that you need to thrive in a partnership, boredom can mean your relationship is heading in a negative direction.

Recap

Is It Normal to Lose Feelings in a Relationship?

Why You Might Be Bored in Your Relationship

The early days of your relationship with your partner were likely filled with feelings of excitement and an intense urge to spend time with one another. However, the intensity of those initial feelings often wanes over time. Instead of powerful passion, your relationship develops an increased sense of closeness, trust, and intimacy.

This is a typical sign that your relationship is moving from what is known as passionate love (which is usually more fleeting) into what is known ascompassionate love(which is more enduring).

Passionate and Compassionate Love

Feelings of excitement and ardor characterize passionate love. It can be an almost all-consuming type of love that makes you want to be with the object of your affection as much as possible. You’re still getting to know one another, and everything you learn about the other person seems new and fascinating.

When you are in the midst of passionate love, you also tend to idealize your partner. Their habits and quirks are endearing, and you tend to overlook their shortcomings.

But this doesn’t mean that long-term relationships have to be boring or lack in passion. The strongest relationships strike a balance between the excitement of passionate love and the intimacy of compassionate love.

Other Reasons Why Relationships Grow Boring

RecapIt’s perfectly normal for relationships to settle into something more stable and steady over time. But more complicated factors such as poor compatibility, lack of communication, and lack of effort might also cause boredom.

It’s perfectly normal for relationships to settle into something more stable and steady over time. But more complicated factors such as poor compatibility, lack of communication, and lack of effort might also cause boredom.

What to Do If You’re Feeling Alone in a Relationship

Coping When You’re Bored in Your Relationship

Boredom can have a severe negative impact on a relationship. One older study found that people who reported feeling bored in their marriage were less satisfied in their relationship nine years later.More recent research has found that people may have an inherent psychological need for variety and novelty, which explains why boring relationships can be challenging.

Once you better understand the problem, you might consider implementing one or more of the following solutions.

Change How You Think

Research suggests that a strategy known as cognitive reappraisal can change how people think about love and their relationship. This process involves interpreting situations in different ways to change how you think and feel about them.

With this strategy, you might focus on looking at your partner’s positive qualities and think about how those characteristics contribute to your relationship.

Change Your Routines

New Things to Try TogetherMany factors can contribute to boredom, but researchers have identified two that are common in relationships: lack of stimulation and lack of novelty.Exploring new things togetheris a solution that can help. Things you can try include:Start working out togetherVisit new places togetherFind new tv shows to watch togetherGo to a sports eventAttend a concert togetherGo hikingSign up for a couple’s cooking classTry a new sport like skiing or kayakingCreate a scrapbook or photo book of some of your favorite memories as a couple

New Things to Try Together

Many factors can contribute to boredom, but researchers have identified two that are common in relationships: lack of stimulation and lack of novelty.Exploring new things togetheris a solution that can help. Things you can try include:Start working out togetherVisit new places togetherFind new tv shows to watch togetherGo to a sports eventAttend a concert togetherGo hikingSign up for a couple’s cooking classTry a new sport like skiing or kayakingCreate a scrapbook or photo book of some of your favorite memories as a couple

Many factors can contribute to boredom, but researchers have identified two that are common in relationships: lack of stimulation and lack of novelty.Exploring new things togetheris a solution that can help. Things you can try include:

Research suggests that shared activities can be an effective way to combat boredom in relationships. For example, one 2013 study found that couples who tried a four-week online intervention to increase relationship excitement reported feeling greater excitement and relationship satisfaction four months later.

Self-expanding activities—or those that are novel, arousing, and positive—tend to offer the most significant benefits.

Go on Dates

If you’vefallen into a rutas a couple, it might be time to take things back to basics and repeat some of the activities you enjoyed when you first began dating. Going out on a date once a week can be a great way to reconnect and talk. Focus on those feelings you had at the beginning of your relationship and practice thinking of your partner with a similar sense of excitement.

Work Together

It’s important to remember that you should be working together to find solutions to your feelings of boredom. While you can take steps on your own to liven things up, your efforts will be much more effective if both of you are on the same page and working together to bring the excitement back into your lives.

Get Counseling

In some cases, you might find it helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor about your relationship issues. This can be particularly true if your feelings of boredom connect to a deeper issue like a lack of communication or how you think about your relationship.

Relationship counseling can also be a great way to improve your connection to your partner and satisfaction with your relationship. One study found that people who hadcouples therapyreported improvements in communication and relationship satisfaction and better intimacy and responsiveness.

If you’ve lost interest in more than just your relationship, it is essential to realize that it might be a sign of something more.Loss of interest, also known as anhedonia, is a cardinal symptom of depression and other issues, including anxiety, bipolar disorder, andstress. Talk to a healthcare professional if you are concerned that your feelings might be more than regular boredom.

RecapFeeling bored in a relationship doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. By working together, you can find ways to bring passion and excitement back into your relationship. Spending time together, changing your thoughts, and trying new things are strategies that can help.

Feeling bored in a relationship doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. By working together, you can find ways to bring passion and excitement back into your relationship. Spending time together, changing your thoughts, and trying new things are strategies that can help.

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

Is the Relationship Worth Saving?

Just because the initial excitement of your relationship begins to dwindle does not mean that love fades or lessens. When it comes to relationships, you might be motivated to reduce boredom in a variety of ways.

But if you decide that the relationship is not worth saving, you may find that it isbetter to break things off nowand begin looking for other relationships that are better suited to your needs and your life. Calling it quits once you recognize that a relationship is not suitable for you is often the best choice.

It isn’t unusual for relationships to get boring from time to time. Sometimes it can be a sign that you need to take steps to reinvigorate the relationship, but at other times it can be a sign of something more serious.

The key to addressing it is to open up a line of communication with your partner. Be open and honest about how you feel. Once you both understand what is going on, you can either work together to address the problem or talk about other options, which might include couples counseling or potentiallybreaking up.

Ultimately, remember that relationships aren’t always effortless. They take work—even when it comes to keeping the spark alive. There’s no single, simple solution that is right for every couple. However, if you are both willing to commit the time and effort, you can work together to get your relationship back on the right (more exciting and satisfying) track.

Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?

9 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087Williamson HC, Ju X, Bradbury TN, Karney BR, Fang X, Liu X.Communication behavior and relationship satisfaction among American and Chinese newlywed couples.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(3):308-315. doi:10.1037/a0027752Tsapelas I, Aron A, Orbuch T.Marital boredom now predicts less satisfaction 9 years later.Psychol Sci. 2009;20(5):543-5. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.xBagheri L, Milyavskaya M.Novelty–variety as a candidate basic psychological need: New evidence across three studies.Motiv Emot.2020;44:32–53. doi:10.1007/s11031-019-09807-4Coulter K, Malouff JM.Effects of an intervention designed to enhance romantic relationship excitement: A randomized-control trial.Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. 2013;2(1):34–44. doi:10.1037/a0031719Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255Canadian Agency for Drugs and Technologies in Health.Couples therapy for adults experiencing relationship distress: a review of the clinical evidence and guidelines.Bench SW, Lench HC.On the function of boredom.Behav Sci (Basel). 2013;3(3):459-472. doi:10.3390/bs3030459

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087Williamson HC, Ju X, Bradbury TN, Karney BR, Fang X, Liu X.Communication behavior and relationship satisfaction among American and Chinese newlywed couples.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(3):308-315. doi:10.1037/a0027752Tsapelas I, Aron A, Orbuch T.Marital boredom now predicts less satisfaction 9 years later.Psychol Sci. 2009;20(5):543-5. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.xBagheri L, Milyavskaya M.Novelty–variety as a candidate basic psychological need: New evidence across three studies.Motiv Emot.2020;44:32–53. doi:10.1007/s11031-019-09807-4Coulter K, Malouff JM.Effects of an intervention designed to enhance romantic relationship excitement: A randomized-control trial.Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. 2013;2(1):34–44. doi:10.1037/a0031719Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255Canadian Agency for Drugs and Technologies in Health.Couples therapy for adults experiencing relationship distress: a review of the clinical evidence and guidelines.Bench SW, Lench HC.On the function of boredom.Behav Sci (Basel). 2013;3(3):459-472. doi:10.3390/bs3030459

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087Williamson HC, Ju X, Bradbury TN, Karney BR, Fang X, Liu X.Communication behavior and relationship satisfaction among American and Chinese newlywed couples.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(3):308-315. doi:10.1037/a0027752Tsapelas I, Aron A, Orbuch T.Marital boredom now predicts less satisfaction 9 years later.Psychol Sci. 2009;20(5):543-5. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.xBagheri L, Milyavskaya M.Novelty–variety as a candidate basic psychological need: New evidence across three studies.Motiv Emot.2020;44:32–53. doi:10.1007/s11031-019-09807-4Coulter K, Malouff JM.Effects of an intervention designed to enhance romantic relationship excitement: A randomized-control trial.Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. 2013;2(1):34–44. doi:10.1037/a0031719Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255Canadian Agency for Drugs and Technologies in Health.Couples therapy for adults experiencing relationship distress: a review of the clinical evidence and guidelines.Bench SW, Lench HC.On the function of boredom.Behav Sci (Basel). 2013;3(3):459-472. doi:10.3390/bs3030459

Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW.Regulation of romantic love feelings: preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.PLoS One. 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087

Williamson HC, Ju X, Bradbury TN, Karney BR, Fang X, Liu X.Communication behavior and relationship satisfaction among American and Chinese newlywed couples.J Fam Psychol. 2012;26(3):308-315. doi:10.1037/a0027752

Tsapelas I, Aron A, Orbuch T.Marital boredom now predicts less satisfaction 9 years later.Psychol Sci. 2009;20(5):543-5. doi:10.1111/j.1467-9280.2009.02332.x

Bagheri L, Milyavskaya M.Novelty–variety as a candidate basic psychological need: New evidence across three studies.Motiv Emot.2020;44:32–53. doi:10.1007/s11031-019-09807-4

Coulter K, Malouff JM.Effects of an intervention designed to enhance romantic relationship excitement: A randomized-control trial.Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. 2013;2(1):34–44. doi:10.1037/a0031719

Harasymchuk C, Cloutier A, Peetz J, Lebreton J.Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. 2017;34(6):833-854. doi:10.1177/0265407516660216

Flood SM, Genadek KR.Time for each other: work and family constraints among couples.J Marriage Fam. 2016;78(1):142-164. doi:10.1111/jomf.12255

Canadian Agency for Drugs and Technologies in Health.Couples therapy for adults experiencing relationship distress: a review of the clinical evidence and guidelines.

Bench SW, Lench HC.On the function of boredom.Behav Sci (Basel). 2013;3(3):459-472. doi:10.3390/bs3030459

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