What Is Unconditional Love?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsRomantic RelationshipsUnconditional Positive RegardWhat It Is (and Isn’t)How to Show ItFalling Out of Love

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Romantic Relationships

Unconditional Positive Regard

What It Is (and Isn’t)

How to Show It

Falling Out of Love

Close

Unconditional love is showing love for another person without considering how it will benefit you or what you will get in return.

Unconditional love is a noble relationship goal since everyone wants to be loved for who they are and without conditions. By its narrowest definition, however, unconditional love can be difficult, if not impossible.

Part of the problem with unconditional love in relationships is the lack of understanding of what it means.

When people think of this type of love, the first thing that comes to mind is a parent’s love for a child or a child’s love for a parent. This type of love depends on nothing other than the familial bond and doesn’t break down based on what the child or parent does—at least in an ideal scenario.

In the purest sense, unconditional love is about caring about thehappinessof another person without any concern for how it benefits you. It is also sometimes referred to as compassionate love.

Research tells us that the parts of the brain that light up during unconditional love are similar to those involved inromantic loveand maternal love and are linked to the brain’s reward system. This suggests that unconditional love may be rewarding without receiving anything in return.

Research has found that giving and receiving love plays a vital role in psychological well-being.

Compassionate vs. Passionate Love

Unconditional Love in Romantic Relationships

Unconditional love plays an important role in relationships, but that doesn’t always mean it is easy. To feel safe in a relationship, it makes sense that you need to feel as though the other person is not going to abandon you on a whim. You need to know that the person is committed to loving you unconditionally no matter what the future brings.

The problem is that this definition inromantic relationshipscan break down under several conditions—and for good reason. As much as you might unconditionally love a person who lies,cheats, or engages inexcessive alcohol use, this isn’t healthy for you. Because of this, the definition of unconditional love in romantic relationships needs to be expanded.

For love to continue, there must be mutual respect, not an attitude of “you have put up with me, no matter what I do.”

Unconditional love in romantic relationships is more akin tounconditional positive regard. It doesn’t mean always giving people what they want or accepting what they do at the expense of your own needs.

Instead, it is a mature type of love that means treating the other person with love and respect while maintaining your boundaries and protecting yourself.Whereas the immature version of unconditional love would have you feeling as though you must be everything to the other person, the mature version has you recognize that your only obligation is to communicate your message with love and respect.

Signs of unconditional positive regard include:

People are often programmed to have conditional love. You love your partner because of their unique traits and qualities that attracted you to them. It’s why you love them and not another person. The question becomes, if they change, at what point is love withdrawn?

True mature love should come with no strings attached. It is a behavior, rather than a feeling, a point of confusion that can lead to the breakdown of romantic relationships. The satisfaction of unconditional love should come from the act of giving it to the other person, not from what you receive in return.

Think about unconditional love as the expression of our kindest self. it can be maintained even if a relationship does not survive. You might know couples who still love each other but are no longer together.

If a relationship is hurting you more than it is helping, it is OK to feel unconditional love but let the relationship go.

Unconditional love can be unhealthy, damaging, and destructive if it exists with no boundaries. If your needs are not being met, it is important to establish limits on what you are willing to accept in the relationship.

If you find yourself accepting unacceptable behavior or tolerating neglectful or even abusive actions, it is important to create a hard boundary or step away from the relationship.

RecapUnconditional love is basic goodness and the total acceptance of someone, but it does not mean tolerating abuse, neglect, or other dealbreakers. Unconditional love should not be painful.

Recap

Unconditional love is basic goodness and the total acceptance of someone, but it does not mean tolerating abuse, neglect, or other dealbreakers. Unconditional love should not be painful.

Consider These 9 Things Before Breaking Up With Your Partner

How to Show Unconditional Love

There are strategies that you can use in your own life to show unconditional love to your partner and other important people in your life. Tips that can help:

When Unconditional Love Isn’t Enough

Unconditional love does not always mean staying in a relationship forever, which sometimes meansfalling out of love. If you still show them unconditional love, you will find a way to kindly and gently end the relationship.

When we first fall in love, it’s in an unconditional state, and we can’t ever imagine not feeling this way about the other person. But we live in a conditional world, and relationships do end. We all have different tastes and needs, which can change over time.

One thing is certain: Relationships completely lacking unconditional love are unlikely to succeed. Beliefs and lifestyles are likely to change over time, and if you aren’t willing to see your partner go through changes, it could spell the end for the two of you.

A Word From Verywell

You can be more to your partner when you offer unconditional love in the mature sense. One way to tap into this is to be mindful of the present moment. If you struggle with this, consider practicingmindfulness meditation. This practice will help you slow down and become aware of your relationship needs.

It can also be helpful to learn how to show yourself the same unconditional love that you are trying to show to your partner. If you don’t show it to yourself, you might be looking for too much from your partner—looking for them to prop you up.

How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Beauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-Pierre ÉL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging. 2009;172(2):93-98. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003Kahana E, Bhatta TR, Kahana B, Lekhak N.Loving others: The impact of compassionate love on later-life psychological well-being.J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2021;76(2):391-402. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbaa188Bozarth JD.Unconditional positive regard.The Handbook of Person-Centred Psychotherapy & Counselling. 2013:180-192. doi:10.1007/978-1-137-32900-4_12Tobore TO.Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The Quadruple Theory.Front Psychol. 2020;11:862. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00862Additional ReadingBeauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-pierre EL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Res. 2009;172(2):93-8. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003Waldinger RJ, Schulz MS.What’s love got to do with it? Social functioning, perceived health, and daily happiness in married octogenarians.Psychol Aging. 2010;25(2):422-31. doi:10.1037/a0019087Welwood J.On love: Conditional and unconditional.Journal of Transpersonal Psychology. 1985;17(1), 33–40.Wlodarski R, Dunbar RI.The Effects of Romantic Love on Mentalizing Abilities.Rev Gen Psychol. 2014;18(4):313-321. doi:10.1037/gpr0000020Saybrook University.Unconditional Love.

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Beauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-Pierre ÉL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging. 2009;172(2):93-98. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003Kahana E, Bhatta TR, Kahana B, Lekhak N.Loving others: The impact of compassionate love on later-life psychological well-being.J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2021;76(2):391-402. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbaa188Bozarth JD.Unconditional positive regard.The Handbook of Person-Centred Psychotherapy & Counselling. 2013:180-192. doi:10.1007/978-1-137-32900-4_12Tobore TO.Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The Quadruple Theory.Front Psychol. 2020;11:862. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00862Additional ReadingBeauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-pierre EL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Res. 2009;172(2):93-8. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003Waldinger RJ, Schulz MS.What’s love got to do with it? Social functioning, perceived health, and daily happiness in married octogenarians.Psychol Aging. 2010;25(2):422-31. doi:10.1037/a0019087Welwood J.On love: Conditional and unconditional.Journal of Transpersonal Psychology. 1985;17(1), 33–40.Wlodarski R, Dunbar RI.The Effects of Romantic Love on Mentalizing Abilities.Rev Gen Psychol. 2014;18(4):313-321. doi:10.1037/gpr0000020Saybrook University.Unconditional Love.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Beauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-Pierre ÉL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging. 2009;172(2):93-98. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003Kahana E, Bhatta TR, Kahana B, Lekhak N.Loving others: The impact of compassionate love on later-life psychological well-being.J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2021;76(2):391-402. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbaa188Bozarth JD.Unconditional positive regard.The Handbook of Person-Centred Psychotherapy & Counselling. 2013:180-192. doi:10.1007/978-1-137-32900-4_12Tobore TO.Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The Quadruple Theory.Front Psychol. 2020;11:862. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00862

Beauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-Pierre ÉL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging. 2009;172(2):93-98. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003

Kahana E, Bhatta TR, Kahana B, Lekhak N.Loving others: The impact of compassionate love on later-life psychological well-being.J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci. 2021;76(2):391-402. doi:10.1093/geronb/gbaa188

Bozarth JD.Unconditional positive regard.The Handbook of Person-Centred Psychotherapy & Counselling. 2013:180-192. doi:10.1007/978-1-137-32900-4_12

Tobore TO.Towards a comprehensive theory of love: The Quadruple Theory.Front Psychol. 2020;11:862. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00862

Beauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-pierre EL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Res. 2009;172(2):93-8. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003Waldinger RJ, Schulz MS.What’s love got to do with it? Social functioning, perceived health, and daily happiness in married octogenarians.Psychol Aging. 2010;25(2):422-31. doi:10.1037/a0019087Welwood J.On love: Conditional and unconditional.Journal of Transpersonal Psychology. 1985;17(1), 33–40.Wlodarski R, Dunbar RI.The Effects of Romantic Love on Mentalizing Abilities.Rev Gen Psychol. 2014;18(4):313-321. doi:10.1037/gpr0000020Saybrook University.Unconditional Love.

Beauregard M, Courtemanche J, Paquette V, St-pierre EL.The neural basis of unconditional love.Psychiatry Res. 2009;172(2):93-8. doi:10.1016/j.pscychresns.2008.11.003

Waldinger RJ, Schulz MS.What’s love got to do with it? Social functioning, perceived health, and daily happiness in married octogenarians.Psychol Aging. 2010;25(2):422-31. doi:10.1037/a0019087

Welwood J.On love: Conditional and unconditional.Journal of Transpersonal Psychology. 1985;17(1), 33–40.

Wlodarski R, Dunbar RI.The Effects of Romantic Love on Mentalizing Abilities.Rev Gen Psychol. 2014;18(4):313-321. doi:10.1037/gpr0000020

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