On This Page:ToggleHow to Know I️f You Are Being Soft GhostedWhy Do People Soft Ghost?How To Deal With It
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Soft ghosting refers to a behavior where one person gradually reduces their level of communication or interaction with another person without fully cutting off contact. Unliketraditional ghostingwhere all contact abruptly stops, soft ghosting involves a more gradual and subtle reduction in communication.
In soft ghosting, the person may still respond to messages, but their responses are often brief, delayed, and lacking in enthusiasm.
For example, someone might respond with a one word answer, send an emoji, or simply “like” the text without further engagement.
Soft ghosting is often characterized by giving brief or delayed responses, avoiding making plans, and generally showing less enthusiasm or investment in the conversation or relationship.
While the approaches and intentions behind traditional ghosting and soft ghosting differ, the goal is often the same: to create distance and/or end a relationship without having to engage in direct confrontation.
Soft ghosting can be seen as a less harsh way of disengaging compared to full ghosting, as it involves intermittent responses and reduced enthusiasm rather than a complete silence.
However, in both cases, the result is a form of communication breakdown and emotional distance between the individuals involved.
Both forms of ghosting have become increasingly common in the modern dating world. It’s important to note, though, that neither approach is considered a healthy or respectful way of handling a relationship.
How to Know I️f You Are Being Soft Ghosted
Recognizing if you’re being soft ghosted can be challenging, as the signs are often subtle and can vary based on the individual and the nature of your relationship.
First, be sure to keep in mind that people’s lives and circumstances can change, and there might be legitimate reasons for altered communication patterns. For example, they might be having a busy week or are taking a break from their phone.
Soft ghosting is not always clear-cut, so it is important to consider their usual behavior and whether it has changed.
However, if you consistently notice several of the signs detailed below, it might be worth addressing the situation with the person.
Trust your intuition and gut feeling – If you’re getting the sense that someone has lost interest, it’s important to acknowledge these feelings.
To summarize:
Why Do People Soft Ghost?
People might engage in soft ghosting for a variety of reasons. The ultimate goal of soft ghosting is often to create distance or end a relationship, but in a more subtle and gradual manner than traditional ghosting.
People might engage in soft ghosting for a variety of reasons, including:
Avoiding Confrontation
Soft ghosting can be a way to avoid having a direct and potentially uncomfortable conversation about not being interested or wanting to end the relationship.
Some individuals find it easier to gradually disengage rather than directly address their lack of interest or intentions.
People who are uncomfortable with conflict might use soft ghosting as a way to fade out of a relationship without having to explicitly state their reasons.
Additionally, soft ghosting might be seen as a gentler way of distancing oneself compared to outright ghosting.
Lack of Interest
If someone becomes less interested in the person they’re communicating with, they might naturally start investing less time and effort into the relationship without outright ending it.
Their initial interest might have faded or they might realize that they’re not as compatible as they initially thought, which can lead to a natural decrease in communication.
Or, a person may soft ghost to avoid commitment. If they sense that the relationship is getting more serious but they are not interested in pursuing a long-term commitment, they might start pulling back gradually.
Uncertainty
If someone is unsure about their own feelings or interest in the other person, they might use soft ghosting as a way to buy time and avoid making a definitive decision.
They may want to keep the door slightly open without having to fully commit or end the relationship.
Additionally, some individuals might use soft ghosting as a strategy to gauge the other person’s level of interest.
If the other person continues to reach out despite the reduced communication, it could indicate a stronger interest.
Empathy
Soft ghosting might be perceived as less hurtful than outright ghosting. Some individuals might feel guilty for letting another person down, so they resort to soft ghosting instead of cutting off all communication.
They also might believe they’re letting the other person down more gently, even though soft ghosting can still lead to confusion and hurt feelings.
Lack of Communication Skills
Some people may struggle with expressing their feelings and intentions clearly, so they opt for soft ghosting as a way to navigate these situations.
What to Do if You Think You Are Being Soft Ghosted
If you think you are being soft ghosted, there are a few steps you can consider taking.
Before jumping to conclusions, remember that people can have legitimate reasons for reduced communication. Give them some time, especially if you know they’re going through a busy or stressful period.
However, if you have noticed a significant change in their behavior, you should address it. You can initiate a conversation in a non-confrontational manner and express your feelings openly.
Let them know that you have noticed a shift in their behavior and ask if everything is okay on their end.
If they explain that they’ve been busy or dealing with personal issues, offer your understanding and support. But if their responses continue to be vague and unenthusiastic, it might be best to accept that the other person might not be as interested as you are.
You don’t need to keep investing emotional energy into a situation that’s causing you distress.
FAQs
Are They Soft Ghosting or Just Busy?Consider the person’s past communication patterns. Have they consistently been responsive and engaged in the past? A sudden change in behavior is more likely to be an indicator of something beyond just being busy.If they have shared that they’re going through a busy period due to work, personal matters, or other commitments, and they provide reasonable explanations, it’s more likely that they are genuinely busy.However, if they claim to be busy but their behavior continues to contradict this, there might be more to the situation. If someone is truly interested in you, they will put in the effort.Is It Better to Be Soft Ghosted Than Ghosted?While neither being soft ghosted nor ghosted is an ideal situation, some individuals might find soft ghosting to be less hurtful and more respectful compared to traditional ghostingHowever, it’s important to note that soft ghosting can still lead to confusion, frustration, and hurt feelings.Additionally, whether it’s soft ghosting or ghosting, both behaviors can be indicative of a lack of interest in pursuing a relationship.Should I Ask Them Why They Soft Ghosted Me?If you’re in a situation where you suspect you’re being soft ghosted, it’s generally a good idea to ask for clarification.Asking why someone has reduced their communication can provide you with insights into their intentions and help you better understand the situation.Regardless of their answer, thank them for being honest and open. If they share their reasons, respect their choice even if you disagree.Is Soft Ghosting Similar to Breadcrumbing?While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing are behaviors that involve reduced or inconsistent communication, they have slightly different dynamics and intentions.Breadcrumbingis a behavior where someone gives intermittent and sporadic attention to keep the other person interested without any intention of forming a meaningful relationship.It’s like leaving a trail of “breadcrumbs” to keep someone following, even though the person doing the breadcrumbing doesn’t have genuine intentions of commitment.While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing involve inconsistent communication, soft ghosting is a gradual reduction in interaction that might still involve some genuine interest or uncertainty, whereas breadcrumbing is more about stringing someone along with intermittent attention without any sincere commitment or intention to form a meaningful connection.
Are They Soft Ghosting or Just Busy?Consider the person’s past communication patterns. Have they consistently been responsive and engaged in the past? A sudden change in behavior is more likely to be an indicator of something beyond just being busy.If they have shared that they’re going through a busy period due to work, personal matters, or other commitments, and they provide reasonable explanations, it’s more likely that they are genuinely busy.However, if they claim to be busy but their behavior continues to contradict this, there might be more to the situation. If someone is truly interested in you, they will put in the effort.
Are They Soft Ghosting or Just Busy?
Consider the person’s past communication patterns. Have they consistently been responsive and engaged in the past? A sudden change in behavior is more likely to be an indicator of something beyond just being busy.If they have shared that they’re going through a busy period due to work, personal matters, or other commitments, and they provide reasonable explanations, it’s more likely that they are genuinely busy.However, if they claim to be busy but their behavior continues to contradict this, there might be more to the situation. If someone is truly interested in you, they will put in the effort.
Consider the person’s past communication patterns. Have they consistently been responsive and engaged in the past? A sudden change in behavior is more likely to be an indicator of something beyond just being busy.
If they have shared that they’re going through a busy period due to work, personal matters, or other commitments, and they provide reasonable explanations, it’s more likely that they are genuinely busy.
However, if they claim to be busy but their behavior continues to contradict this, there might be more to the situation. If someone is truly interested in you, they will put in the effort.
Is It Better to Be Soft Ghosted Than Ghosted?While neither being soft ghosted nor ghosted is an ideal situation, some individuals might find soft ghosting to be less hurtful and more respectful compared to traditional ghostingHowever, it’s important to note that soft ghosting can still lead to confusion, frustration, and hurt feelings.Additionally, whether it’s soft ghosting or ghosting, both behaviors can be indicative of a lack of interest in pursuing a relationship.
Is It Better to Be Soft Ghosted Than Ghosted?
While neither being soft ghosted nor ghosted is an ideal situation, some individuals might find soft ghosting to be less hurtful and more respectful compared to traditional ghostingHowever, it’s important to note that soft ghosting can still lead to confusion, frustration, and hurt feelings.Additionally, whether it’s soft ghosting or ghosting, both behaviors can be indicative of a lack of interest in pursuing a relationship.
While neither being soft ghosted nor ghosted is an ideal situation, some individuals might find soft ghosting to be less hurtful and more respectful compared to traditional ghosting
However, it’s important to note that soft ghosting can still lead to confusion, frustration, and hurt feelings.
Additionally, whether it’s soft ghosting or ghosting, both behaviors can be indicative of a lack of interest in pursuing a relationship.
Should I Ask Them Why They Soft Ghosted Me?If you’re in a situation where you suspect you’re being soft ghosted, it’s generally a good idea to ask for clarification.Asking why someone has reduced their communication can provide you with insights into their intentions and help you better understand the situation.Regardless of their answer, thank them for being honest and open. If they share their reasons, respect their choice even if you disagree.
Should I Ask Them Why They Soft Ghosted Me?
If you’re in a situation where you suspect you’re being soft ghosted, it’s generally a good idea to ask for clarification.Asking why someone has reduced their communication can provide you with insights into their intentions and help you better understand the situation.Regardless of their answer, thank them for being honest and open. If they share their reasons, respect their choice even if you disagree.
If you’re in a situation where you suspect you’re being soft ghosted, it’s generally a good idea to ask for clarification.
Asking why someone has reduced their communication can provide you with insights into their intentions and help you better understand the situation.
Regardless of their answer, thank them for being honest and open. If they share their reasons, respect their choice even if you disagree.
Is Soft Ghosting Similar to Breadcrumbing?While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing are behaviors that involve reduced or inconsistent communication, they have slightly different dynamics and intentions.Breadcrumbingis a behavior where someone gives intermittent and sporadic attention to keep the other person interested without any intention of forming a meaningful relationship.It’s like leaving a trail of “breadcrumbs” to keep someone following, even though the person doing the breadcrumbing doesn’t have genuine intentions of commitment.While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing involve inconsistent communication, soft ghosting is a gradual reduction in interaction that might still involve some genuine interest or uncertainty, whereas breadcrumbing is more about stringing someone along with intermittent attention without any sincere commitment or intention to form a meaningful connection.
Is Soft Ghosting Similar to Breadcrumbing?
While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing are behaviors that involve reduced or inconsistent communication, they have slightly different dynamics and intentions.Breadcrumbingis a behavior where someone gives intermittent and sporadic attention to keep the other person interested without any intention of forming a meaningful relationship.It’s like leaving a trail of “breadcrumbs” to keep someone following, even though the person doing the breadcrumbing doesn’t have genuine intentions of commitment.While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing involve inconsistent communication, soft ghosting is a gradual reduction in interaction that might still involve some genuine interest or uncertainty, whereas breadcrumbing is more about stringing someone along with intermittent attention without any sincere commitment or intention to form a meaningful connection.
While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing are behaviors that involve reduced or inconsistent communication, they have slightly different dynamics and intentions.
Breadcrumbingis a behavior where someone gives intermittent and sporadic attention to keep the other person interested without any intention of forming a meaningful relationship.
It’s like leaving a trail of “breadcrumbs” to keep someone following, even though the person doing the breadcrumbing doesn’t have genuine intentions of commitment.
While both soft ghosting and breadcrumbing involve inconsistent communication, soft ghosting is a gradual reduction in interaction that might still involve some genuine interest or uncertainty, whereas breadcrumbing is more about stringing someone along with intermittent attention without any sincere commitment or intention to form a meaningful connection.
Saul McLeod, PhD
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education
Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of QueenslandAnna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
Anna DrescherMental Health WriterBSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher
Mental Health Writer
BSc (Hons), Psychology, Goldsmiths University, MSc in Psychotherapy, University of Queensland
Anna Drescher is a freelance writer and solution-focused hypnotherapist, specializing in CBT and meditation. Using insights from her experience working as an NHS Assistant Clinical Psychologist and Recovery Officer, along with her Master’s degree in Psychotherapy, she lends deep empathy and profound understanding to her mental health and relationships writing.
