What Is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a type ofpsychotherapythat couples can undergo together, or that individuals can seek out on their own. While couples often look into sex therapy because of sexual dysfunction or when some part of their sexual relationship is off, it can also be used as a tool to keep relationships strong and transparent for years to come.

It is a form of talk therapy, so couples or individuals can expect to talk about their hesitations or concerns when it comes to physical intimacy. Sex therapy doesnotinvolve physical or sexual touch or intercourse.

“Sex therapy is all about feeling good,” saysStephen Snyder, MD, a New York City-based sex therapist and the author ofLove Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship, “You can’t accomplish anything in sex therapy unless what you’re doing is making you feel good.”

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Types of Sex Therapy

Talk therapy is the primary method of sex therapy. Couples can expect to work on their generalcommunication skills, explain the points of sensitivity that they’ve discovered in regard to sex in the past, and even expand on their knowledge of sex education.

In one study, therapists who were reporting on their caseloads said that desire discrepancies were the most common issues between couples.This means that one partner wants to have sex more or less often than the other. This can often stem from emotional concerns and evenhigh stress levels, both of which can be addressed during talk therapy.

Sensate focusis abehavioral formof sex therapy that hones in on the details of a couple’s relationship, and then has them complete behavioral exercises. This can involve homework assignments that prompt couples to focus on physical interactions that they enjoy without the pressure of penetrative sex.

Many therapists will combine these types of therapy or work in aspects of both during different sessions.

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Techniques

Snyder sets these three goals as he goes into sessions:

Snyder explains that there are benefits to meeting both with individuals and couples—with individuals he says he can find out what’s going on their head, and with couples he says he gets a more well-rounded idea of what’s going on in bed. He likes to do all of the above over the course of a one-hour session.

“It’s possible to see a couple for 15 minutes, then see each person alone for 15 minutes, then wrap up with everyone together, confident that I’ve heard all angles,” says Snyder.

This also allows Snyder to get an idea of how the couple interacts with one another, and if or how they change when they’re on their own.

What Sex Therapy Can Help With

Sex therapy can help you work through any mental or emotional hurdles that could be keeping you from enjoying sex with your partner. It can also help couples or individuals identify physical and emotional concerns that are keeping them from being able to enjoy or engage in intercourse.

Benefits of Sex Therapy

Sex therapy can help with a range of relationship issues; however, it can also positively impact the overall mental outlook of those being treated. Here are some benefits that can come from sex therapy:

Things to Consider

If you’re planning on doing sex therapy with your partner, it’s important to seek out a therapist that iscompatible with both of you. This means that you need to be intentional about communicating with your partner after sessions, especially in regard to their reactions to the therapist’s personality and methods of treatment.

Both theAssociation of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT)and theAmerican College of Sexologistsallow you to find sex therapists based on your location (with some telehealth options) as well as their specialty.

It’s also important to consider logistical concerns like the location of the office, especially if you are going with a partner and you’ll both potentially be commuting to the office from different locations.

How to Get Started

Once you and your partner have found a potential therapist, here are some things to know going into your first appointment.

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Vowels, L.M., Mark, K.P.Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships.Arch Sex Behav49, 1017–1028 (2020). doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01640-yKilmann PR.Perspectives of sex therapy outcome: A survey of aasect providers.Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. 12(2):116-138. doi:10.1080/00926238608415400McCabe MP.Risk Factors for Sexual Dysfunction Among Women and Men: A Consensus Statement From the Fourth International Consultation on Sexual Medicine2015.The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2016;13(2):153-167. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2015.12.015Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett EA.Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better.Sage Journals. Published online November 18, 2015. doi:10.1177%2F1948550615616462

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Vowels, L.M., Mark, K.P.Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships.Arch Sex Behav49, 1017–1028 (2020). doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01640-yKilmann PR.Perspectives of sex therapy outcome: A survey of aasect providers.Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. 12(2):116-138. doi:10.1080/00926238608415400McCabe MP.Risk Factors for Sexual Dysfunction Among Women and Men: A Consensus Statement From the Fourth International Consultation on Sexual Medicine2015.The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2016;13(2):153-167. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2015.12.015Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett EA.Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better.Sage Journals. Published online November 18, 2015. doi:10.1177%2F1948550615616462

Vowels, L.M., Mark, K.P.Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships.Arch Sex Behav49, 1017–1028 (2020). doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01640-yKilmann PR.Perspectives of sex therapy outcome: A survey of aasect providers.Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. 12(2):116-138. doi:10.1080/00926238608415400McCabe MP.Risk Factors for Sexual Dysfunction Among Women and Men: A Consensus Statement From the Fourth International Consultation on Sexual Medicine2015.The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2016;13(2):153-167. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2015.12.015Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett EA.Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better.Sage Journals. Published online November 18, 2015. doi:10.1177%2F1948550615616462

Vowels, L.M., Mark, K.P.Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships.Arch Sex Behav49, 1017–1028 (2020). doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01640-y

Kilmann PR.Perspectives of sex therapy outcome: A survey of aasect providers.Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. 12(2):116-138. doi:10.1080/00926238608415400

McCabe MP.Risk Factors for Sexual Dysfunction Among Women and Men: A Consensus Statement From the Fourth International Consultation on Sexual Medicine2015.The Journal of Sexual Medicine. 2016;13(2):153-167. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2015.12.015

Muise A, Schimmack U, Impett EA.Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better.Sage Journals. Published online November 18, 2015. doi:10.1177%2F1948550615616462

Hannah Owens, LMSW

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