Table of ContentsView AllTable of Contents3 Components of Romantic LoveRomantic Love vs. Other Kinds of LovePhases of Romantic LoveRomantic Love and Sexual Desire

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

3 Components of Romantic Love

Romantic Love vs. Other Kinds of Love

Phases of Romantic Love

Romantic Love and Sexual Desire

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Although there isn’t one clear definition, romantic love is most often thought of as a combination of attraction and idealization that can result in (or from) a bonded relationship. Romantic love has inspired artists for centuries and been the subject of countless plays, songs, movies, books, and other creative endeavors.

As anyone who’s been in love knows, love is complicated and capable of eliciting strong emotions, from elation to heartbreak.Romantic relationshipsgo through ups and downs—from that initial, intoxicating “honeymoon” phase to a sense of disappointment and, ideally, to a state of acceptance and a desire for permanence. It can be challenging to move through these phases, but the reward is ahealthy, long-term relationship.

At a Glance

According toSternberg’s triangular theory of love, there are three components of love: intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment. These can apply in romantic relationships and other interpersonal relationships.

Intimacy

Intimacy involves the feelings of connection, closeness, and bond that people experience in a romantic relationship. During the early phases of a relationship, this often involves sexual intimacy. As the relationship progresses, emotional intimacy takes on a more important role.

Passion

This involves the feelings of physical and romantic attraction that people experience when they are in love.

Commitment

Commitment involves deciding to stay with your partner. People develop shared goals and decide to work toward them together.

The presence, absence, and combination of these three components make up seven different types of love.

7 Types of LoveFriendship: Intimacy without passion or commitmentInfatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitmentEmpty love: Commitment without passion or intimacyRomantic love: Passion and intimacy without commitmentCompanionate love: Intimacy and commitment without passion/sexual desire; this could also be called “platonic” loveFatuous love: Commitment and passion without intimacyConsummate love: Commitment, passion, and intimacy; represents an ideal relationship

7 Types of Love

Friendship: Intimacy without passion or commitmentInfatuation: Passion without intimacy or commitmentEmpty love: Commitment without passion or intimacyRomantic love: Passion and intimacy without commitmentCompanionate love: Intimacy and commitment without passion/sexual desire; this could also be called “platonic” loveFatuous love: Commitment and passion without intimacyConsummate love: Commitment, passion, and intimacy; represents an ideal relationship

Romantic love often progresses through some of Sternberg’s types of love in a few predictable stages. A relationship may start out as friendship or infatuation, and then proceed to romantic love and eventually consummate love. Or, it might develop from infatuation to romantic love but then become companionate or empty.

Infatuation

During the infatuation phase, also known as lust, you feel exhilaration, passion, and elation when you and your lover are together. This is what is often referred to as the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship.

Neurochemicals in the brain, such as dopamine and norepinephrine—also known as the “feel-good” chemicals—are released.These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, sometimes leading to decreased appetite and insomnia. You actually can be so “in love” that you can’t eat or sleep.

The high you feel during the infatuation phase leads you to idealize the other person and want to be with them constantly; you think about them all the time.

Because this person seems perfect during this phase, you are also unable to see their flaws and shortcomings—hence the saying “love is blind.” Typically, the infatuation phase lasts for around six months to a year.

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Disillusionment

The first sign that the infatuation phase is wearing off is a sense of disillusionment. Reality sets in and you start to notice flaws in your partner. Some of the same traits that you found so attractive at first start to show their downside. For example, someone who seemed confident and decisive at first might now seem rude and close-minded.

Additionally, as the high wears off, you both start to show your true personalities and aren’t as forgiving and unselfish as you were when your partner seemed like they could do no wrong.

While at first, you may have gone out of your way to accommodate the other person, you may start to feel like your ownneeds aren’t being met.

As idealization fades, you may find yourself feeling resentful that your partner is no longer causing that wonderfully infatuated feeling anymore. In some cases, serious problems andred flags, likeaddictionor abusive tendencies, can reveal themselves, and potentially be dealbreakers.

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Challenges

The relationship now faces a turning point. Getting through this phase requires the ability to compromise, to speak up about your needs and wants, and to learn how toresolve conflictproductively.

Rather than trying to change your partner, your focus should be on learning to respect each other. You will discover if, ultimately, you both have the desire to make the relationship work.

Being able to manage the inevitable bumps in the road is a good indicator that the relationship can evolve into something more long-lasting and stable.

Committing to a person who inspires romantic feelings, andcommunicating your dreams, desires, and thoughtsto one another, can lead to true intimacy and attachment, the next stage of love.

5 Signs of a Strong Partnership

Mature Love

Just because the passion doesn’t stay red-hot and unrelenting doesn’t mean that love doesn’t continue.

Mature love (or consummate love, in Sternberg’s theory) is the kind of devotion found in long-term relationships and successful marriages. In mature love, two people are together because they want to be together and not just because they feel an irrational desire or need to be with one another.

Signs of mature love include:

Cementing this phase isoxytocin, sometimes called “the cuddle hormone,” because it compels you and your partner to get close and to bond.

Scientific research suggests that thebrain activityof couples in mature relationships is very similar to the brain activity of those newly in love.

Just because you’re not pining for the person doesn’t mean it’s not true love. In fact, mature love is usually deeper and more meaningful (not to mention much more sustainable) than its younger counterpart.

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For most couples, sexual desire is an important part of a romantic relationship. Although it is of course possible to havesexual attractionwithout an emotional bond, and vice versa, romantic love usually includes both. And since the brain responds in similar ways to both, researchers speculate that they reinforce each other.

Evolutionary psychologists suggest that when sexual desire is paired with love, it creates a stronger bond. This keeps couples together, which benefits their children.

What This Means For YouRomantic love may mean different things to different people. What’s most important is that you and your partner are on the same page. Shared intimacy and passion can often lead to a strong, shared commitment to another person and to a lasting relationship.

What This Means For You

Romantic love may mean different things to different people. What’s most important is that you and your partner are on the same page. Shared intimacy and passion can often lead to a strong, shared commitment to another person and to a lasting relationship.

Do You Know What Love Really Is?

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.93.2.119De Boer A, van Buel EM, Ter Horst GJ.Love is more than just a kiss: a neurobiological perspective on love and affection.Neurosci. 2012;201:114-24. doi:10.1016/j.neuroscience.2011.11.017Schneiderman I, Zagoory-Sharon O, Leckman JF, Feldman R.Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity.Psychoneuroendocrinology.2012;37(8):1277-1285. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.12.021Cacioppo S, Bianchi‐Demicheli F, Frum C, Pfaus JG, Lewis JW.The common neural bases between sexual desire and love: A multilevel kernel density fMRI analysis.J Sex Med.2012;9(4):1048-1054. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02651.xBirnbaum GE, Reis HT.Evolved to be connected: The dynamics of attachment and sex over the course of romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2019;25:11-15. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.02.005Additional ReadingBode A, Kushnick G.Proximate and ultimate perspectives on romantic love.Front Psychol. 2021;12:573123. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123Gottman J.The 3 phases of love. The Gottman Institute.

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.93.2.119De Boer A, van Buel EM, Ter Horst GJ.Love is more than just a kiss: a neurobiological perspective on love and affection.Neurosci. 2012;201:114-24. doi:10.1016/j.neuroscience.2011.11.017Schneiderman I, Zagoory-Sharon O, Leckman JF, Feldman R.Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity.Psychoneuroendocrinology.2012;37(8):1277-1285. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.12.021Cacioppo S, Bianchi‐Demicheli F, Frum C, Pfaus JG, Lewis JW.The common neural bases between sexual desire and love: A multilevel kernel density fMRI analysis.J Sex Med.2012;9(4):1048-1054. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02651.xBirnbaum GE, Reis HT.Evolved to be connected: The dynamics of attachment and sex over the course of romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2019;25:11-15. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.02.005Additional ReadingBode A, Kushnick G.Proximate and ultimate perspectives on romantic love.Front Psychol. 2021;12:573123. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123Gottman J.The 3 phases of love. The Gottman Institute.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.93.2.119De Boer A, van Buel EM, Ter Horst GJ.Love is more than just a kiss: a neurobiological perspective on love and affection.Neurosci. 2012;201:114-24. doi:10.1016/j.neuroscience.2011.11.017Schneiderman I, Zagoory-Sharon O, Leckman JF, Feldman R.Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity.Psychoneuroendocrinology.2012;37(8):1277-1285. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.12.021Cacioppo S, Bianchi‐Demicheli F, Frum C, Pfaus JG, Lewis JW.The common neural bases between sexual desire and love: A multilevel kernel density fMRI analysis.J Sex Med.2012;9(4):1048-1054. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02651.xBirnbaum GE, Reis HT.Evolved to be connected: The dynamics of attachment and sex over the course of romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2019;25:11-15. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.02.005

Sternberg RJ.A triangular theory of love.Psychol Rev. 1986;93(2):119-135. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.93.2.119

De Boer A, van Buel EM, Ter Horst GJ.Love is more than just a kiss: a neurobiological perspective on love and affection.Neurosci. 2012;201:114-24. doi:10.1016/j.neuroscience.2011.11.017

Schneiderman I, Zagoory-Sharon O, Leckman JF, Feldman R.Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity.Psychoneuroendocrinology.2012;37(8):1277-1285. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2011.12.021

Cacioppo S, Bianchi‐Demicheli F, Frum C, Pfaus JG, Lewis JW.The common neural bases between sexual desire and love: A multilevel kernel density fMRI analysis.J Sex Med.2012;9(4):1048-1054. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02651.x

Birnbaum GE, Reis HT.Evolved to be connected: The dynamics of attachment and sex over the course of romantic relationships.Curr Opin Psychol.2019;25:11-15. doi:10.1016/j.copsyc.2018.02.005

Bode A, Kushnick G.Proximate and ultimate perspectives on romantic love.Front Psychol. 2021;12:573123. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123Gottman J.The 3 phases of love. The Gottman Institute.

Bode A, Kushnick G.Proximate and ultimate perspectives on romantic love.Front Psychol. 2021;12:573123. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123

Gottman J.The 3 phases of love. The Gottman Institute.

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