What Is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?

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Post infidelity stress disorder is a type ofanxiety disorderyou may experience after finding out a loved one has been unfaithful to you.

In the study, Dr. Ortman notes that though the woman divorced her husband and threw him out of the house, she was unable to get over the painful experience of thebetrayaland couldn’t stop thinking about it. She was angry, stressed, and depressed, and frequently experienced nightmares and crying spells.

In this article, we explore the symptoms and causes of post infidelity stress disorder, as well as some treatment options and coping strategies that may be helpful if you or a loved one are facing this experience.

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Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

These are some of the symptoms of post infidelity stress disorder, according to Dr. Romanoff:

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Predisposing Factors

While post infidelity stress disorder could affect anyone, Dr. Romanoff says some people may be predisposed to it, including:

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDFor these people, their partner’s infidelity might exacerbate these underlying difficulties and confirm their beliefs about their own worth and how others treat them.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

For these people, their partner’s infidelity might exacerbate these underlying difficulties and confirm their beliefs about their own worth and how others treat them.

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Diagnosing Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

“Post infidelity stress disorder is not an official diagnosis and it is not used in an official capacity. However, the term can sometimes help healthcare providers maintain a shared nomenclature or terminology so the set of symptoms can be more easily communicated and understood,” says Dr. Romanoff.

Treating Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Below, Dr. Romanoff outlines some of the treatment options for post infidelity stress disorder.

Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuringinvolves exploring the person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors—which tend to become rigid, fixed, and at times, irrational—and replacing them with more adaptive ones.

Cognitive restructuring techniques can help address the person’s narrative of the infidelity and expose them to it in a graded manner so it doesn’t feel so powerful and intolerable. When usingexposure techniques, the person who felt betrayed will begin to consciously focus on the details of the infidelity instead of avoiding them to begin the healing process.

Trauma-Informed Care

Therapy can also explore what happened in the relationship before the trauma to understand precipitating factors, causes, and ways for both parties to move forward.

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Family Therapy

It can sometimes be helpful for the person and their family to undertakefamily therapytogether, to process and deal with the infidelity and its consequences on the various members of the family.

Medication

If the person has severe symptoms, their healthcare provider may prescribe some of the following medications in addition to therapy:

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Coping With Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Dr. Romanoff suggests some coping strategies that may be helpful if you are experiencing post infidelity stress disorder:

Practice Self-Care

A good first step is to practiceself-care. This could look like eating healthy food, minimizing social media time, or sleeping or engaging in activities like taking a group fitness class, going for a walk or run, or spending time with family and friends.

Feel Your Feelings With Support

Take time tojournal, visit a therapist, or speak with friends or family in order to identify, feel, and work through your emotions and reactions to the betrayal. Fully experiencing your reactions to the situation is the first step toward accepting it and moving forward from it.

Schedule Worry Time

It may be helpful to scheduleworry timeso that thinking about your partner’s infidelity doesn’t take over your entire day. You can schedule a specific duration of time where you focus on your emotions, have a structured time to ruminate or process the situation, and recalibrate. When this time is complete, you can honor your internal boundary to tend to other things that are in need of your time, focus, and attention.

Don’t Blame Yourself

Do not assume blame for the infidelity. You cannot control another person and are not responsible for their choices and actions. It may be tempting to assume responsibility for the affair as it may give you a sense of control, but ultimately each person is responsible for themselves. At some point it may be helpful to reflect on the dynamic of the relationship and how you showed up in it for yourself and another, but from a constructive and self-aware, not shaming or blaming perspective.

Seek Social Support

Tap into yoursocial supportnetwork. Reach out to friends, family, co-workers, and your therapist to provide you with a sense of stability and security. You can also consider joining a support group likeInfidelity Survivors Anonymousto connect with others who may be going through a similar experience.

Find a Healthy Balance

It’s important to schedule a balance of social (seeing friends and family), physical (getting some exercise), and personal time (getting enough sleep, meditating, cooking, or doing other relaxing activities). You don’t want to busy yourself to the point of exhaustion.

Work on Building Trust

When you’re ready, practice rebuildingtrustwith yourself and others. Begin internally and practice listening to, hearing, and trusting your feelings and intuition about people and situations. Then, shift your focus to opening up and repairing, developing, or deepening trusting others.

Start with yourself and work on trusting your feelings and intuition about people and situations. Then, shift your focus to opening up and trusting others. You must remember that your partner’s poor judgment is not a reflection on you in any way.

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A Word From Verywell

It is important be gentle with yourself, to grant yourself care and compassion, and to work on healing and processing the betrayal with support at your own pace. You cannot control or change the past, but you can have greater choice over how you would like to move forward in your life mentally, emotionally, and relationally.

5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Padmavathi N, Sunitha TS, Jothimani G.Post infidelity stress disorder.Indian Journal of Psychiatric Nursing. 2013;5(1):56. doi:10.4103/2231-1505.261777Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM.Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479. doi:10.1002/smi.2880Lonergan M, Brunet A, Rivest-Beauregard M, Groleau D.Is romantic partner betrayal a form of traumatic experience?A qualitative study.Stress Health. 2021;37(1):19-31. doi:10.1002/smi.2968Ortman Dennis C.Post infidelity stress disorder.Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services. 2005;43(10):46-54. doi:10.3928/02793695-20051001-06Whisman MA.Discovery of a partner affair and major depressive episode in a probability sample of married or cohabiting adults.Fam Process. 2016;55(4):713-723. doi:10.1111/famp.12185

5 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Padmavathi N, Sunitha TS, Jothimani G.Post infidelity stress disorder.Indian Journal of Psychiatric Nursing. 2013;5(1):56. doi:10.4103/2231-1505.261777Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM.Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479. doi:10.1002/smi.2880Lonergan M, Brunet A, Rivest-Beauregard M, Groleau D.Is romantic partner betrayal a form of traumatic experience?A qualitative study.Stress Health. 2021;37(1):19-31. doi:10.1002/smi.2968Ortman Dennis C.Post infidelity stress disorder.Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services. 2005;43(10):46-54. doi:10.3928/02793695-20051001-06Whisman MA.Discovery of a partner affair and major depressive episode in a probability sample of married or cohabiting adults.Fam Process. 2016;55(4):713-723. doi:10.1111/famp.12185

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Padmavathi N, Sunitha TS, Jothimani G.Post infidelity stress disorder.Indian Journal of Psychiatric Nursing. 2013;5(1):56. doi:10.4103/2231-1505.261777Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM.Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479. doi:10.1002/smi.2880Lonergan M, Brunet A, Rivest-Beauregard M, Groleau D.Is romantic partner betrayal a form of traumatic experience?A qualitative study.Stress Health. 2021;37(1):19-31. doi:10.1002/smi.2968Ortman Dennis C.Post infidelity stress disorder.Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services. 2005;43(10):46-54. doi:10.3928/02793695-20051001-06Whisman MA.Discovery of a partner affair and major depressive episode in a probability sample of married or cohabiting adults.Fam Process. 2016;55(4):713-723. doi:10.1111/famp.12185

Padmavathi N, Sunitha TS, Jothimani G.Post infidelity stress disorder.Indian Journal of Psychiatric Nursing. 2013;5(1):56. doi:10.4103/2231-1505.261777

Roos LG, O’Connor V, Canevello A, Bennett JM.Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults.Stress Health. 2019;35(4):468-479. doi:10.1002/smi.2880

Lonergan M, Brunet A, Rivest-Beauregard M, Groleau D.Is romantic partner betrayal a form of traumatic experience?A qualitative study.Stress Health. 2021;37(1):19-31. doi:10.1002/smi.2968

Ortman Dennis C.Post infidelity stress disorder.Journal of Psychosocial Nursing and Mental Health Services. 2005;43(10):46-54. doi:10.3928/02793695-20051001-06

Whisman MA.Discovery of a partner affair and major depressive episode in a probability sample of married or cohabiting adults.Fam Process. 2016;55(4):713-723. doi:10.1111/famp.12185

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