What Is Guilt Tripping?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsTypesImpactCopingGetting HelpFrequently Asked Questions

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Table of Contents

Signs

Types

Impact

Coping

Getting Help

Frequently Asked Questions

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A guilt trip means causing another person to feel guilt or a sense of responsibility to change their behavior or take a specific action. Because guilt can be such a powerful motivator of human behavior, people can wield it as a tool to change how others think, feel, and behave.

Sometimes this might involve leaning on something that someone already feels guilty about. In other cases, people might induce feelings of unjustified guilt or responsibility to manipulate the other person’semotionsand behaviors.

If someone has ever made you feel bad about something you’ve done (or didn’t do) and then used those bad feelings to get you to do something for them, then you have experience with guilt tripping.

This article discusses the signs, types, and impact of guilt trips. It also covers some of the steps you can take to cope with this type of behavior.

What Is a Guilt Complex?

Signs of a Guilt Trip

Guilt trips can be intentional, but they can also be unintentional. There are chances that you have even guilt-tripped people into doing things before.

Sometimes guilt tripping behavior can be easy to spot, but it can also be much more subtle and difficult to detect.  Some key signs that others may be guilt-tripping you include:

It can show up in romantic relationships, but guilt trips may also be utilized in family relationships, parental relationships, and even work relationships.

Types of Guilt Tripping

There are many different types of guilt trips that people may utilize depending on the ultimate goal or purpose of the behavior. Some of the different purposes of a guilt trip include:

Guilt isn’t always a bad thing. While often troubling and unpleasant, it can serve an important role in guiding moral behavior. When people experience guilt, they can fix their mistakes and avoid repeating the same errors in the future.

Researcher Courtney HumenyA guilt trip does not appear to induce the benefits of guilt, such as making amends, honesty, and mutual understanding.

Researcher Courtney Humeny

A guilt trip does not appear to induce the benefits of guilt, such as making amends, honesty, and mutual understanding.

Impact of Guilt Trips

Invoking feelings of guilt to change someone’s behavior can have a wide variety of effects. Whether guilt is wielded intentionally or not, it prevents healthy communication and connections with others. Some of the most immediate effects of this form of covert psychological manipulation include:

Damage to Relationships

However, the study also found that the partner who had been guilt-tripped into offering assurances was more likely to feel significantly worse about the relationship.

In other words, inducing feelings of guilt may work to get your partner to do what you want—but it comes at a cost. It can impair trust and cause the other person to feel that they are being manipulated.

Resentment

One of the reasons why guilt trips can poison relationships is because they can lead to lasting feelings of resentment.

“A guilt trip imposes aversive states associated with guilt, along with feelings of resentment from feeling manipulated,” Humeny suggests.

A single occasion of someone using a guilt trip to alter your behavior might not have a serious impact on your relationship. Repeated use of guilt trips can leave you feeling bitter.

If you feel that your partner is always going to guilt you into something that you don’t want to do, it can decrease intimacy, reduce emotional closeness, and ultimately make you start toresentyour partner.

Reactance

Research suggests that appeals to guilt are a common type ofpersuasion technique. However, while guilt can compel people to take certain actions, it can also sometimes backfire.

Low-level guilt tends to motivate people to act on the persuasive message. High levels of guilt, however, often fail due to what researchers call “reactance.”

In other words, guilt trips can backfire and lead people to behave opposite how someone else wants them to act. For example, someone guilt-tripping you into calling them more often might actually result in calling them less.

Poor Well-being

Feelings of excessive guilt are associated with several mental health conditions, including anxiety,depression, andobsessive-compulsive disorder.Being subjected to guilt trips may contribute to the development or worsening of such conditions.

Experiencing guilt can also lead to many immediate and unpleasant emotions and symptoms such as anxiety, sadness, regret, worry, muscle tension, and insomnia.

This type of covert manipulation may also sometimes contribute to the development of aguilt complex, which is a persistent belief that you have done (or will do) something wrong.

Over time, guilt can lead to feelings of shame. Shame can affect your self-image, which can then contribute to social withdrawal and isolation.

How to Cope With Guilt Tripping

There are a number of tactics that can be helpful when dealing with a guilt trip. Some steps you can take include:

Other things that you can use include protecting yourself-esteemand distancing yourself if needed. You’re more likely to fall for a guilt trip if you already feel poorly about yourself, so find strategies to build up your sense of self-worth.

If the other person keeps trying to manipulate you with feelings of guilt, reduce your communication with them or even consider ending the relationship.

Protecting your own well-being should be a top priority. A person who tries to manipulate you with toxic feelings of shame and guilt does not have your best interests at heart.

How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship

Getting Help for Guilt

If you are experiencing feelings of guilt or related symptoms of anxiety, stress, or depression, talk to your health care provider or a mental health professional. They can recommend treatment options such aspsychotherapyor medications that can help manage symptoms and improve the quality of your life.

Your doctor or therapist may suggest a type of therapy calledcognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which may help reduce inappropriate guilt feelings.This type of therapy can help you identify and change the negative thoughts andcognitive distortionsthat can contribute to feelings of guilt.

Your therapist can also help you learn to recognize the signs of a guilt trip—and help you practice strategies to cope with this type of emotional manipulation.

While both behaviors are destructive and toxic, they differ in key ways.Gaslightingis a type of emotional abuse that involves denying another person’s reality and making them question their own experiences.Guilt tripping, on the other hand, is about causing another person to feel guilty in order to get them to change their behavior.

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9 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Humeny C.A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip. Conference: Institute of Cognitive Science Spring Proceedings.Overall NC, Girme YU, Lemay EP Jr, Hammond MD.Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: the benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2014;106(2):235-56. doi:10.1037/a0034371Aurélien G, Melody M.A theory of guilt appeals: a review showing the importance of investigating cognitive processes as mediators between emotion and behavior.Behav Sci (Basel). 2019;9(12):117. doi:10.3390/bs9120117Tilghman-Osborne C, Cole DA, Felton JW.Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice.Clin Psychol Rev. 2010;30(5):536-546. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.007Miceli M, Castelfranchi C.Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt.Eur J Psychol. 2018;14(3):710-733. doi:10.5964/ejop.v14i3.1564Herr NR, Jones AC, Cohn DM, Weber DM.The impact of validation and invalidation on aggression in individuals with emotion regulation difficulties.Personal Disord. 2015;6(4):310-4. doi:10.1037/per0000129Cleantis T.Boundaries and self-care. Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.Hedman E, Ström P, Stünkel A, Mörtberg E.Shame and guilt in social anxiety disorder: effects of cognitive behavior therapy and association with social anxiety and depressive symptoms.PLoS One. 2013;8(4):e61713. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0061713Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: Gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963

9 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Humeny C.A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip. Conference: Institute of Cognitive Science Spring Proceedings.Overall NC, Girme YU, Lemay EP Jr, Hammond MD.Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: the benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2014;106(2):235-56. doi:10.1037/a0034371Aurélien G, Melody M.A theory of guilt appeals: a review showing the importance of investigating cognitive processes as mediators between emotion and behavior.Behav Sci (Basel). 2019;9(12):117. doi:10.3390/bs9120117Tilghman-Osborne C, Cole DA, Felton JW.Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice.Clin Psychol Rev. 2010;30(5):536-546. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.007Miceli M, Castelfranchi C.Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt.Eur J Psychol. 2018;14(3):710-733. doi:10.5964/ejop.v14i3.1564Herr NR, Jones AC, Cohn DM, Weber DM.The impact of validation and invalidation on aggression in individuals with emotion regulation difficulties.Personal Disord. 2015;6(4):310-4. doi:10.1037/per0000129Cleantis T.Boundaries and self-care. Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.Hedman E, Ström P, Stünkel A, Mörtberg E.Shame and guilt in social anxiety disorder: effects of cognitive behavior therapy and association with social anxiety and depressive symptoms.PLoS One. 2013;8(4):e61713. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0061713Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: Gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Humeny C.A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip. Conference: Institute of Cognitive Science Spring Proceedings.Overall NC, Girme YU, Lemay EP Jr, Hammond MD.Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: the benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2014;106(2):235-56. doi:10.1037/a0034371Aurélien G, Melody M.A theory of guilt appeals: a review showing the importance of investigating cognitive processes as mediators between emotion and behavior.Behav Sci (Basel). 2019;9(12):117. doi:10.3390/bs9120117Tilghman-Osborne C, Cole DA, Felton JW.Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice.Clin Psychol Rev. 2010;30(5):536-546. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.007Miceli M, Castelfranchi C.Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt.Eur J Psychol. 2018;14(3):710-733. doi:10.5964/ejop.v14i3.1564Herr NR, Jones AC, Cohn DM, Weber DM.The impact of validation and invalidation on aggression in individuals with emotion regulation difficulties.Personal Disord. 2015;6(4):310-4. doi:10.1037/per0000129Cleantis T.Boundaries and self-care. Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.Hedman E, Ström P, Stünkel A, Mörtberg E.Shame and guilt in social anxiety disorder: effects of cognitive behavior therapy and association with social anxiety and depressive symptoms.PLoS One. 2013;8(4):e61713. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0061713Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: Gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963

Humeny C.A qualitative investigation of a guilt trip. Conference: Institute of Cognitive Science Spring Proceedings.

Overall NC, Girme YU, Lemay EP Jr, Hammond MD.Attachment anxiety and reactions to relationship threat: the benefits and costs of inducing guilt in romantic partners.J Pers Soc Psychol. 2014;106(2):235-56. doi:10.1037/a0034371

Aurélien G, Melody M.A theory of guilt appeals: a review showing the importance of investigating cognitive processes as mediators between emotion and behavior.Behav Sci (Basel). 2019;9(12):117. doi:10.3390/bs9120117

Tilghman-Osborne C, Cole DA, Felton JW.Definition and measurement of guilt: Implications for clinical research and practice.Clin Psychol Rev. 2010;30(5):536-546. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.007

Miceli M, Castelfranchi C.Reconsidering the differences between shame and guilt.Eur J Psychol. 2018;14(3):710-733. doi:10.5964/ejop.v14i3.1564

Herr NR, Jones AC, Cohn DM, Weber DM.The impact of validation and invalidation on aggression in individuals with emotion regulation difficulties.Personal Disord. 2015;6(4):310-4. doi:10.1037/per0000129

Cleantis T.Boundaries and self-care. Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.

Hedman E, Ström P, Stünkel A, Mörtberg E.Shame and guilt in social anxiety disorder: effects of cognitive behavior therapy and association with social anxiety and depressive symptoms.PLoS One. 2013;8(4):e61713. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0061713

Johnson VE, Nadal KL, Sissoko DRG, King R.“It’s not in your head”: Gaslighting, ‘splaining, victim blaming, and other harmful reactions to microaggressions.Perspect Psychol Sci. 2021;16(5):1024-1036. doi:10.1177/17456916211011963

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