Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsSignsHow to PracticeImpactTipsConsequencesFrequently Asked Questions
Table of ContentsView All
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Table of Contents
Signs
How to Practice
Impact
Tips
Consequences
Frequently Asked Questions
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Emotional validation is the process of learning about, understanding, and expressing acceptance of another person’semotional experience. Emotional validation is distinguished from emotional invalidation when a person’s emotional experiences are rejected, ignored, or judged.
Validating an emotion doesn’t mean that you agree with the other person or that you think their emotional response is warranted. Rather, you demonstrate that you understand what they are feeling without trying to talk them out of or shame them for it.
Emotional validation is acknowledging and accepting a person’s inner experience, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as valid.
Signs of Emotional Validation
An emotionally validated person feels that others not only see and hear their emotions but also accept the existence of those feelings. A person who feels that their emotions are not “wrong” or inappropriate is more apt to have a solid sense of identity and worth and can manage emotions more effectively. Furthermore, emotional validation helps open the door to self-compassion: Feeling that our emotions are valid helps us avoid shame and self-blame, so we can respond to them with confidence.
Validation can come from other people or from within. Self-validation involves recognizing and accepting your own thoughts and feelings.
How to Practice Emotional Validation
Emotional validation is a skill that requires practice. Improving it can bolster your relationships with others and help you validate yourownthoughts and feelings. Here are a few key strategies.
Identify and Acknowledge the Emotion
Acknowledge the emotion that the person is having. This can be hard if they have not clearly communicated their feelings, so you might have to ask them, or guess and then ask if you’re on target.
For example, imagine that your loved one is behaving angrily toward you. If they have already communicated that they are feeling angry, simply demonstrate that you’ve heard them: “I understand you are angry.” If they haven’t communicated their feelings, you might say, “You seem really angry. Is that what’s going on?”
Acknowledge the Source of the Emotion
The next step is to identify the situation or cue that triggered the emotion. Ask the person what is causing their response. You might say, “What is it that’s making you feel that way?” Bear in mind, however, that your loved one might not be able to communicate this clearly or understand what is going on. In this case, state that something seems to be making them upset, you’d like to know what it is, but you can’t without a clear sense of the situation.
Validate the Emotion
Validating Statements"I can see how you would feel that way.““That must be really hard.““I feel the same way.““How frustrating!““I bet you’re frustrated.““I’m here for you.“Invalidating Statements"What’s the big deal?““You should feel lucky.““You are too sensitive.““Don’t be such a wimp.““If you hadn’t done that it wouldn’t have happened.““I don’t want to hear it.”
Validating Statements"I can see how you would feel that way.““That must be really hard.““I feel the same way.““How frustrating!““I bet you’re frustrated.““I’m here for you.”
“I can see how you would feel that way.”
“That must be really hard.”
“I feel the same way.”
“How frustrating!”
“I bet you’re frustrated.”
“I’m here for you.”
Invalidating Statements"What’s the big deal?““You should feel lucky.““You are too sensitive.““Don’t be such a wimp.““If you hadn’t done that it wouldn’t have happened.““I don’t want to hear it.”
“What’s the big deal?”
“You should feel lucky.”
“You are too sensitive.”
“Don’t be such a wimp.”
“If you hadn’t done that it wouldn’t have happened.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
Special Considerations
Here are a few other ways to help people feel comfortable and accepted when they’re sharing emotions:
Impact of Emotional Validation
When you emotionally validate someone, you:
Tips for Being Emotionally Validating
You don’t have to resign yourself to being treated poorly. If your loved one is behaving inappropriately oraggressively, removing yourself from the situation is your best option. Tell them that you want to talk with them, but you can’t do that productively until they can communicate with you calmly, so you’ll return later when it seems like the right time.
Keep in mind that validating your loved one’s emotion can help defuse the situation, but it won’t make the emotion go away or instantly help the person feel better. In any case, it probably won’t make the situation worse.
If the person is experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition, encourage them to reach out for professional help.
Consequences of Emotional Invalidation
Some of the damaging psychological, behavioral, and emotional effects of invalidation include:
A few dominant psychological theories ofborderline personality disorder(BPD) assert that many people with BPDdid not receive sufficient emotional validationover the course of their development. This may be one factor in the development of the emotional dysregulation characteristic of the disorder.
People with BPD typically have very strong emotional responses to events that seem minor to observers. As a result, people with BPD frequently experienceemotional invalidation—that is, others react to their emotions as if those emotions are not valid or reasonable.
Remember: It is not your job to make the person’s feeling go away, although you can choose to be supportive. Rather, acknowledging and validating the person’s feelings can help them find their own way to regulate the emotion.
A Word From Verywell
Emotional validation is an important tool that can improve your interpersonal communication and relationships. Fortunately, it is a skill you can learn and work to improve with practice.
How Accepting Difficult Emotions Can Improve Emotional Health
Frequently Asked QuestionsPeople need to feel that their feelings matter and that others truly hear what they’re saying. Emotional validation makes us feel accepted. An emotionally validated person typically can regulate their own emotions appropriately and self-soothe when feelings threaten to overwhelm.Listen to, acknowledge, and rephrase what the person is saying. The point is to help them feel seen and heard, not to change or minimize their emotions.If you reach an impasse, the person responds inappropriately, or you feel uncomfortable, leave the situation. Say something like, “I want to talk with you, but I see you’re upset. Let’s come back to this later.”
People need to feel that their feelings matter and that others truly hear what they’re saying. Emotional validation makes us feel accepted. An emotionally validated person typically can regulate their own emotions appropriately and self-soothe when feelings threaten to overwhelm.
Listen to, acknowledge, and rephrase what the person is saying. The point is to help them feel seen and heard, not to change or minimize their emotions.
If you reach an impasse, the person responds inappropriately, or you feel uncomfortable, leave the situation. Say something like, “I want to talk with you, but I see you’re upset. Let’s come back to this later.”
5 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
Galen, G.Validation: Making sense of the emotional turmoil in borderline personality disorder. McLean Hospital, Harvard Medical School.
Westphal M, Leahy RL, Pala AN, Wupperman P.Self-compassion and emotional invalidation mediate the effects of parental indifference on psychopathology.Psychiatry Research. 2016;242:186-191. doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2016.05.040
Herr NR, Jones AC, Cohn DM, Weber DM.The impact of validation and invalidation on aggression in individuals with emotion regulation difficulties.Personal Disord. 2015;6(4):310-4. doi: 10.1037/per0000129
Dixon-Gordon KL, Peters JR, Fertuck EA, Yen S.Emotional processes in borderline personality disorder: An update for clinical practice.J Psychother Integr. 2017;27(4):425-438. doi:10.1037/int0000044
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