Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsOverview of BPDBPD AbandonmentCyclical NatureImpactStopping the CycleSupport for Partners
Table of ContentsView All
View All
Table of Contents
Overview of BPD
BPD Abandonment
Cyclical Nature
Impact
Stopping the Cycle
Support for Partners
Close
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According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the prevalence of BPD in the general population of adults aged 18 and over is around 1.4%. Sex and race have not been shown to impact the prevalence of personality disorders. People with BPD are often diagnosed with other mental health conditions as well.
Specific causes of BPD are unclear. Instead, multiple factors—including heredity, brain structure, and environmental, social, and cultural issues—are thought to contribute to the development of the disorder.
BPD Diagnostic Criteria
What Is BPD Abandonment?
An extreme fear of abandonment is a common symptom of BPD. This can fear cause people with BPD to struggle to maintain healthy relationships.
The fear of abandonment can lead to the need for frequent reassurance that abandonment is not imminent. It also creates a drive to go to great lengths to try to avoid real or imagined abandonment and the feelings associated with it.
How to Deal With Abandonment Issues in Your Relationships
What Does BPD Abandonment Feel Like?
Someone with BPD abandonment may experience fear at the thought of being alone, also feeling angry if their partner does anything that could be a sign of abandonment—such as not answering the phone when they are called.
Cyclical Nature of BPD Abandonment
The fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments. Sometimes, they may abruptly cut off these relationships, effectively abandoning their partners. Other times, they make frantic attempts to hold onto relationships. These overly intense or erratic behaviors, in turn, often push loved ones away.
This unhealthy relationship dynamic tends to exacerbate underlying abandonment fears, often creating a repeated cycle of unstable relationships.These behaviors can backfire and trigger the very abandonment that the person with BPD is seeking to prevent.As such, the end of a relationship can feel particularly devastating for people with BPD.
Understanding the Fear of Abandonment
Impact of BPD Abandonment Fears
People with BPD may simultaneously fear abandonment and have symptoms that create conflicts with others. For instance, they might display volatile moods, distress intolerance, extremes of anger and withdrawal, and impulsivity.
People with BPD often engage in self-sabotaging behavior. This can include:
These behaviors within personal relationships often lead to relationship dysfunction, instability, and even abandonment, which then reinforces the fear.
BPD and Romantic Relationships
Stopping the BPD Abandonment Cycle
The good news is that there are things you can do to try to stop the unhealthy cycle of interpersonal conflict and abandonment. Borderline personality disorder is often treated with psychotherapy. Medications may be used, particularly if there are co-occurring conditions.
Different types of talk therapy can be especially effective inidentifying triggers, interpersonal expectations, and managing symptoms that most often lead to relationship conflicts and fear of abandonment. Two of these approaches include:
Some people with BPD have had experiences in early childhood that would understandably leave them afraid of people leaving them. Talking about how those early experiences influence their current ways of viewing and interacting with the world may be helpful.
Overview of BPD Treatment
If Your Partner Has BPD Abandonment Fears
Psychotherapy is a primary treatment for people with BPD, but caregivers and partners may also benefit from therapy to help them cope with the challenges of maintaining a healthy relationship with a loved one with BPD.
Being there to provide support to someone coping with borderline personality disorder can be challenging but is also a key to successful treatment. Awareness of a loved one’s fear of abandonment, understanding how that fear contributes to interpersonal relationship conflict, and learning how to provide your loved oneemotional validationare all good places to start.
A Word From Verywell
If you or someone you love is coping with BPD, know that treatment can be effective and may help to reduce relationship conflict. Also, know that having BPD does not make someone a bad person or mean that they are destined to be abandoned. With treatment, hard work, and time, it is possible to have more stable relationships and learn to view both yourself and others in a healthier, more realistic, and more compassionate manner.
How to Support Someone With BPD
5 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Borderline Personality Disorder.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality Disorders.Palihawadana V, Broadbear JH, Rao S.Reviewing the clinical significance of ‘fear of abandonment’ in borderline personality disorder.Australasian Psychiatry. 2019;27(1):60-63. doi:10.1177/1039856218810154National Alliance on Mental Health.Understanding borderline personality disorder.National Alliance on Mental Health.Supporting Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder.
5 Sources
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.National Institute of Mental Health.Borderline Personality Disorder.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality Disorders.Palihawadana V, Broadbear JH, Rao S.Reviewing the clinical significance of ‘fear of abandonment’ in borderline personality disorder.Australasian Psychiatry. 2019;27(1):60-63. doi:10.1177/1039856218810154National Alliance on Mental Health.Understanding borderline personality disorder.National Alliance on Mental Health.Supporting Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder.
Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.
National Institute of Mental Health.Borderline Personality Disorder.National Institute of Mental Health.Personality Disorders.Palihawadana V, Broadbear JH, Rao S.Reviewing the clinical significance of ‘fear of abandonment’ in borderline personality disorder.Australasian Psychiatry. 2019;27(1):60-63. doi:10.1177/1039856218810154National Alliance on Mental Health.Understanding borderline personality disorder.National Alliance on Mental Health.Supporting Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder.
National Institute of Mental Health.Borderline Personality Disorder.
National Institute of Mental Health.Personality Disorders.
Palihawadana V, Broadbear JH, Rao S.Reviewing the clinical significance of ‘fear of abandonment’ in borderline personality disorder.Australasian Psychiatry. 2019;27(1):60-63. doi:10.1177/1039856218810154
National Alliance on Mental Health.Understanding borderline personality disorder.
National Alliance on Mental Health.Supporting Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder.
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