What Does the Term 'Emotional Baggage' Mean?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is Emotional Baggage?SymptomsCausesCoping

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is Emotional Baggage?

Symptoms

Causes

Coping

You may have heard the phrase “emotional baggage” and wondered what exactly it means.

The term “emotional baggage” refers to unfinished emotional issues, stressors, pain, and difficulties we’ve experienced that continue to take up space in our minds and affect our present relationships, saysSabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, and professor at Yeshiva University.

Clinically speaking, emotional baggage is essentially unprocessedtrauma, Dr. Romanoff explains.

The term “emotional baggage” can be stigmatizing as it generally tends to have negative connotations in relationships. For instance, people tend to avoid prospective partners whom they perceive as having “too much emotional baggage.”

This article explores the symptoms and causes of “emotional baggage,” as well as some coping strategies that may be helpful. Because the term “emotional baggage,” can be stigmatizing, this article will use the term “unresolved trauma” going forward, except for quotes from expert sources.

Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma

It’s important to normalize trauma responses as the people experiencing them are often unaware that they are engaging in these behaviors and there is often a feeling of being ‘stuck’ that accompanies the trauma response.

Below, Dr. Romanoff outlines some of the signs and symptoms of unresolved relationshiptrauma.

Lack of Trust

A major sign ofunresolved traumaislack of trustin your relationships. If you’ve been hurt in the past, you might use that experience as a template or a guide for what to expect in your current relationships.

Painful past experiences can lead to stress, doubt, and trust issues. Lack of trust can also be the result of dishonest parents or only being exposed to distrust in relationships. This may manifest throughdifficulty with commitmentand being emotionally unavailable to new partners.

A person who is unable to trust others may seek to control different aspects of the relationship to feel safe and get reassurance.

Fear and Paranoia

When you’re operating on templates based on painful past experiences, you will likely experience fear or paranoia that they may happen again. If you are unable to move forward from that trauma, you might feel like your preoccupation with those experiences is helping you avoid future pain.

You might begin to live your life through a constrained lens that prevents you frombeing vulnerableor getting hurt again. When people have broken your trust, it makes sense to fear that the worst can happen if you are not careful. However, these thoughts and behaviors only make it more difficult to connect and enjoy your relationship.

While it can be helpful to be cautious at times,paranoiausually creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, as it causes tension and conflict in relationships, leading to the very issues you were hoping to avoid.

Anger and Frustration

It’s common for people with unresolved trauma to think about the worst things that happened to them which can impact their ability to stay in the present moment and holds them back from fully living their lives and connecting with others.

Guilt and Regret

You might tend to repetitively think about the past or a current issue you haven’t been able to resolve. You might also experience regret about decisions you’ve made in the past or guilt for your behaviors.

Exposure to trauma can also lead to mental health conditions such aspost-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),mood disorders, andanxiety disorders.

Why Trust Matters in Your Relationship and How to Build It

Causes of Unresolved Trauma

These are some of the potential causes of unresolved trauma, according to Dr. Romanoff:

For example, maybe someone didn’t appreciate your efforts, you experienced physical oremotional abuse, or you stayed in a relationship that was unhealthy for far longer than you should have, Dr. Romanoff explains.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyDThe common theme is when one person is contributing a great deal of resources to a situation or person–time, money, emotions–and the outcome is not proportionate to what they are putting in.

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD

The common theme is when one person is contributing a great deal of resources to a situation or person–time, money, emotions–and the outcome is not proportionate to what they are putting in.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Coping With Unresolved Trauma

Dr. Romanoff shares some strategies that can help you cope with unresolved trauma.

Recognize How It’s Affecting You

The first step is to identify the metaphorical baggage you’re carrying. Recognize the impact it’s having on you and how it’s coloring your world today. It’s important to developself-awarenessand insight.

Once you are able to understand the impact your past experiences have on your present, you can begin to question whether you are responding appropriately to current situations or whether you are carrying threats from your past into your present.

Change Your Perception

The reality is everyone has been hurt and treated poorly, or experienced pain in the past. The distinction is what you do with those experiences.

If you can make the shift and try to understand what you can learn from those experiences, how you can evolve, and become better from them, it can help you feelstronger, more empowered, and better in the long run, rather than viewing yourself as permanently damaged because of what happened to you in the past.

Focus on the Present

People with unresolved trauma tend to have their feet planted in two worlds–one in their past experiences and one in their current life. It’s important to recognize when you’re responding to the current world through the lens of the past and bring yourself back into the present.

A Word From Verywell

Traumatic experiences can change us and the way we view the world. They can affect the way we function and make it hard for us to trust people again. They can affect our behavior in present relationships, which may disintegrate as a result ofself-fulfilling propheciesthat make our worst fears come true.

It’s important to understand how unresolved trauma from your past is affecting you and take steps to address it, so it doesn’t continue to harm your present. Seeking the help of a professional can make it easier to break these patterns, which are often unconscious and automatic.

How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Ponnamperuma T, Nicolson NA.The relative impact of traumatic experiences and daily stressors on mental health outcomes in Sri Lankan adolescents.J Trauma Stress. 2018;31(4):487-498. doi:10.1002/jts.22311De Bellis MD, Zisk A.The biological effects of childhood trauma.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2014;23(2):185-vii. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2014.01.002

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Ponnamperuma T, Nicolson NA.The relative impact of traumatic experiences and daily stressors on mental health outcomes in Sri Lankan adolescents.J Trauma Stress. 2018;31(4):487-498. doi:10.1002/jts.22311De Bellis MD, Zisk A.The biological effects of childhood trauma.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2014;23(2):185-vii. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2014.01.002

Ponnamperuma T, Nicolson NA.The relative impact of traumatic experiences and daily stressors on mental health outcomes in Sri Lankan adolescents.J Trauma Stress. 2018;31(4):487-498. doi:10.1002/jts.22311De Bellis MD, Zisk A.The biological effects of childhood trauma.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2014;23(2):185-vii. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2014.01.002

De Bellis MD, Zisk A.The biological effects of childhood trauma.Child Adolesc Psychiatr Clin N Am. 2014;23(2):185-vii. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2014.01.002

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?

Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma#

Lack of Trust#

Fear and Paranoia#

Anger and Frustration#

Guilt and Regret#

Causes of Unresolved Trauma#

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD#

Coping With Unresolved Trauma#

Recognize How It’s Affecting You#

Change Your Perception#

Focus on the Present#

A Word From Verywell#