Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsUnderstanding Secure AttachmentSecure Attachment in ParentingSecure Attachment in Adult RelationshipsThe Effects of Insecure Attachment

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Understanding Secure Attachment

Secure Attachment in Parenting

Secure Attachment in Adult Relationships

The Effects of Insecure Attachment

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Secure attachment is pretty much the foundation ofhealthy relationships. It generally develops in early childhood, if we’re raised in a safe, secure, loving, and nurturing environment. It sets the tone for all our future relationships.

In this article, we explore what secure affection looks and feels like. We also suggest some strategies that can help you cultivate it in your relationships.

At a GlanceSecure attachment can be grounding to feel in relationships, whether romantic or platonic. It develops in childhood when our physical and emotional needs are met in an attuned way. When we grow up feeling safe and secure, we carry this blueprint with us into adulthood.In adult relationships, a secure attachment style helps us be our authentic selves, trust our partners, and weather storms together.Fortunately, our attachment style isn’t set in stone. It can change and evolve with different partners and settings. With some effort, we can develop more secure patterns and experience a secure attachment style in relationships.

At a Glance

Secure attachment can be grounding to feel in relationships, whether romantic or platonic. It develops in childhood when our physical and emotional needs are met in an attuned way. When we grow up feeling safe and secure, we carry this blueprint with us into adulthood.In adult relationships, a secure attachment style helps us be our authentic selves, trust our partners, and weather storms together.Fortunately, our attachment style isn’t set in stone. It can change and evolve with different partners and settings. With some effort, we can develop more secure patterns and experience a secure attachment style in relationships.

Secure attachment can be grounding to feel in relationships, whether romantic or platonic. It develops in childhood when our physical and emotional needs are met in an attuned way. When we grow up feeling safe and secure, we carry this blueprint with us into adulthood.

In adult relationships, a secure attachment style helps us be our authentic selves, trust our partners, and weather storms together.

Fortunately, our attachment style isn’t set in stone. It can change and evolve with different partners and settings. With some effort, we can develop more secure patterns and experience a secure attachment style in relationships.

Understanding Emotional Attachment and Whether Yours Is Healthy

Let’s take a quick look atattachment theoryand understand what secure attachment entails.

Overview of Attachment Theory

This theory is based on the idea that we’re born with a natural need for connection and security—if our needs are met in childhood, we develop a secure attachment style; however, if our caregivers are not consistently available to us, we may develop a different attachment style.

These are the four attachment styles, according to attachment theory:

What Is My Attachment Style?

Characteristics of Secure Attachment

How Secure Attachment Develops in Childhood

Although no parent is perfect, secure attachment develops in childhood when caregivers:

When our relationships are secure as children, we start learning from our toddler years how to have healthy, caring relationships with others.—AIMEE DARAMUS, PSYD

When our relationships are secure as children, we start learning from our toddler years how to have healthy, caring relationships with others.

—AIMEE DARAMUS, PSYD

Benefits of Secure Attachment for Children’s Development

Research shows us that attachment has several benefits for children’s development:

Strategies for Promoting Secure Attachment With Children

If you’re raising a child, these are some strategies that can help you promote secure attachment in your relationship with them:

Why Parenting Styles Matter When Raising Children

Although our attachment style tends to develop in childhood, it often affects our relationships well into adulthood. Let’s take a look at the role and characteristics of secure attachment in adult relationships.

Signs of Secure Attachment on Adult Relationships

Secure attachment in childhood lays a strong foundation for healthy adult relationships, promoting:

We tend to find relationships that are similar to our roles in our families. If we know how to be loved and respected, we find it easier to be loving and respectful, and to expect it from others.—AIMEE DARAMUS, PSYD

We tend to find relationships that are similar to our roles in our families. If we know how to be loved and respected, we find it easier to be loving and respectful, and to expect it from others.

How to Cultivate Secure Attachment in Romantic Partnerships

Remember, our attachment styes aren’t set in stone. It is possible to change or shift our attachment styles in different relationships with different people.

These are some strategies that can help you cultivate secure attachment in your romantic relationships:

7 Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Even Better

Insecureattachment stylesinclude anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment.

Let’s take a look at how these attachment styles can affect us, as well as some strategies to overcome them and be more secure.

Consequences of Insecure Attachment and Avoidant Attachment in Relationships

These are some of the effects of insecure attachment in relationships:

Common Marriage Problems and Solutions

Healing and Overcoming Insecure and Avoidant Attachment

Secure attachment can be learned and developed in relationships beyond primary caregivers. Even someone who had a rough childhood at home may have spent time with other families where they saw healthier relationships that they could learn from, says Dr. Daramus.

No matter how old you are, it’s never too late to adjust your relationship patterns and build healthier bonds. These are some strategies that can help you overcome insecure attachment:

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

Takeaways

Cultivating a secure attachment style is possible with intention, mindfulness, and effort. If you have aninsecure or avoidant attachment style, it is possible to change or shift your style with different people in different relationships.

By recognizing the impact of your attachment style on your relationships, you can work on improving it. Remember, we are not limited to our attachment style and that it is just one way of looking at interactions with ourselves and others. Attachment styles are not set in stone and can evolve over time.

Regardless of your attachment style, know that you are worthy of love, connection, and care.

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychological Association.Attachment theory.Bosmans G, Borelli JL.Attachment and the development of psychopathology: Introduction to the special issue.Brain Sci. 2022 Jan 28;12(2):174. doi:10.3390/brainsci12020174Martín Quintana JC, Alemán Ramos PF, Morales Almeida P.The influence of perceived security in childhood on adult self-concept: The mediating role of resilience and self-esteem.Healthcare (Basel). 2023 Aug 31;11(17):2435. doi:10.3390/healthcare11172435Karakaş NM, Dağlı FŞ.The importance of attachment in infant and influencing factors.Turk Pediatri Ars. 2019 Jul 11;54(2):76-81. doi:10.14744/TurkPediatriArs.2018.80269Tabachnick AR, He Y, Zajac L, Carlson EA, Dozier M.Secure attachment in infancy predicts context-dependent emotion expression in middle childhood.Emotion. 2022 Mar;22(2):258-269. doi:10.1037/emo0000985Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: A framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013 Nov;25(4 Pt 2):1415-34. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.American Psychological Association.Attachment theory.Bosmans G, Borelli JL.Attachment and the development of psychopathology: Introduction to the special issue.Brain Sci. 2022 Jan 28;12(2):174. doi:10.3390/brainsci12020174Martín Quintana JC, Alemán Ramos PF, Morales Almeida P.The influence of perceived security in childhood on adult self-concept: The mediating role of resilience and self-esteem.Healthcare (Basel). 2023 Aug 31;11(17):2435. doi:10.3390/healthcare11172435Karakaş NM, Dağlı FŞ.The importance of attachment in infant and influencing factors.Turk Pediatri Ars. 2019 Jul 11;54(2):76-81. doi:10.14744/TurkPediatriArs.2018.80269Tabachnick AR, He Y, Zajac L, Carlson EA, Dozier M.Secure attachment in infancy predicts context-dependent emotion expression in middle childhood.Emotion. 2022 Mar;22(2):258-269. doi:10.1037/emo0000985Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: A framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013 Nov;25(4 Pt 2):1415-34. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

American Psychological Association.Attachment theory.Bosmans G, Borelli JL.Attachment and the development of psychopathology: Introduction to the special issue.Brain Sci. 2022 Jan 28;12(2):174. doi:10.3390/brainsci12020174Martín Quintana JC, Alemán Ramos PF, Morales Almeida P.The influence of perceived security in childhood on adult self-concept: The mediating role of resilience and self-esteem.Healthcare (Basel). 2023 Aug 31;11(17):2435. doi:10.3390/healthcare11172435Karakaş NM, Dağlı FŞ.The importance of attachment in infant and influencing factors.Turk Pediatri Ars. 2019 Jul 11;54(2):76-81. doi:10.14744/TurkPediatriArs.2018.80269Tabachnick AR, He Y, Zajac L, Carlson EA, Dozier M.Secure attachment in infancy predicts context-dependent emotion expression in middle childhood.Emotion. 2022 Mar;22(2):258-269. doi:10.1037/emo0000985Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: A framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013 Nov;25(4 Pt 2):1415-34. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692

American Psychological Association.Attachment theory.

Bosmans G, Borelli JL.Attachment and the development of psychopathology: Introduction to the special issue.Brain Sci. 2022 Jan 28;12(2):174. doi:10.3390/brainsci12020174

Martín Quintana JC, Alemán Ramos PF, Morales Almeida P.The influence of perceived security in childhood on adult self-concept: The mediating role of resilience and self-esteem.Healthcare (Basel). 2023 Aug 31;11(17):2435. doi:10.3390/healthcare11172435

Karakaş NM, Dağlı FŞ.The importance of attachment in infant and influencing factors.Turk Pediatri Ars. 2019 Jul 11;54(2):76-81. doi:10.14744/TurkPediatriArs.2018.80269

Tabachnick AR, He Y, Zajac L, Carlson EA, Dozier M.Secure attachment in infancy predicts context-dependent emotion expression in middle childhood.Emotion. 2022 Mar;22(2):258-269. doi:10.1037/emo0000985

Cassidy J, Jones JD, Shaver PR.Contributions of attachment theory and research: A framework for future research, translation, and policy.Dev Psychopathol. 2013 Nov;25(4 Pt 2):1415-34. doi:10.1017/S0954579413000692

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