What Does "Momma's Boy" Mean?

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhat Is a Momma’s Boy?Signs Someone Might Be a Momma’s BoyEffects of Being a Momma’s BoyHandling Boundary Issues

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

What Is a Momma’s Boy?

Signs Someone Might Be a Momma’s Boy

Effects of Being a Momma’s Boy

Handling Boundary Issues

Close

“Momma’s boy” is a term sometimes used to describe a man who lacks self-reliance and is overly dependent on his mother. While it has traditionally been used as an insult, shifting attitudes have led to changes in how the term is used today. For younger generations, the term is often used to describe men with a healthy respect and appreciation for their moms.

Being married to a momma’s boy isn’t always a bad thing. A man who isclose to his motheris not a momma’s boy in a negative way.

Research has shown that boys and men with strong relationships with their mothers are mentally healthier, moreempathetic, and have better relationships with women. However, a man who seems unhealthily attached to his mother might be more of a problem. This is particularly true if he can’t seem to function without her.

At a GlanceBoundary problems, dependence, and enmeshment can harm a relationship or marriage. It is important to distinguish between normal and unhealthy attachments and learn how to establish healthy boundaries. Keep reading to learn more about how to tell the difference between a healthy relationship and boundary issues that might indicate that a person is a momma’s boy.

At a Glance

Boundary problems, dependence, and enmeshment can harm a relationship or marriage. It is important to distinguish between normal and unhealthy attachments and learn how to establish healthy boundaries. Keep reading to learn more about how to tell the difference between a healthy relationship and boundary issues that might indicate that a person is a momma’s boy.

The term “momma’s boy” (sometimes written as “mama’s boy”) is often used as slang to describe a man who has an unhealthy dependence on his mother well into adulthood when he is expected to be independent andself-reliant.

The term was first used in the early 1900s, and its popular use is rooted in the work of theorists and child development researchers such asSigmund Freudand Benjamin Spock.

In the past, psychologists and child experts often believed that maternal warmth and coldness were connected to psychological issues in children, particularly in boys. Today, experts recognize that healthyattachmentis essential for the mental well-being of boys and men.

While for previous generations, the term momma’s boy was used as an insult (often used as a synonym for “weak”), today, generational attitudes about the term have shifted.

Many men, from professional athletes to entrepreneurs, proudly claim to be momma’s boys. The term has been reclaimed in recent years to indicate a boy or man who appreciates, respects, admires, and/or is close with his mother.

What to Do If You Don’t Like Your In-Laws

In order to recognize the signs that someone might be a momma’s boy, it’s important first to be able to recognize some of the signs of unhealthy boundaries.

Some signs of poor boundaries include having to check with the other person before making decisions, having unrealistic or disruptive demands for time, and being financially dependent on the other person.

Such behaviors are often a sign ofenmeshment. When enmeshment persists into adulthood, men may continue to rely on their mother to meet their practical, financial, emotional, and social needs.Examples might include having his mom balance his checkbook, clean his house, and provide money.

Researchers suggest that these interparental boundaries are important not only for the relationships between kids and their parents, they also establish the tone that helps determine the quality of other family relationships as well.

Healthy BoundariesFeeling comfortable saying noBeing honest about feelings and needsIndependent and self-reliantUnhealthy BoundariesFeeling unable to say noDifficulty being honest about wants and needsCo-dependence

Healthy BoundariesFeeling comfortable saying noBeing honest about feelings and needsIndependent and self-reliant

Feeling comfortable saying no

Being honest about feelings and needs

Independent and self-reliant

Unhealthy BoundariesFeeling unable to say noDifficulty being honest about wants and needsCo-dependence

Feeling unable to say no

Difficulty being honest about wants and needs

Co-dependence

Being a momma’s boy may have some potentially negative psychological effects. For example, research has found that boys who fail to form secure, nurturing relationships with their mothers are more likely to be aggressive as children and emotionally distant as adults.

Healthy relationships between mothers and sons are important. Boys with good relationships with their moms are more likely to feel secure, confident, and emotionally strong. Research has also shown that boys who have difficult relationships with their moms are at a greater risk of delinquency during adolescence.

However, while healthy connections are important, boundary problems and dependence can create problems in your relationships or marriage.

Some of these negative effects can include him being overly dependent on his mom and ignoring your needs and wishes. This can ultimately lead to feelings of resentment and difficulties with communication.

How to Handle Boundary Issues

Establish Clear Boundaries

Your man might be used to his mother catering to his every need and want, but that does not mean that you need to as well. It is important that you set boundaries and let him know that you willnot behave like his mother.

He can act like a boy with his mother all he wants, but when he is with you, he should act like an independent adult who can take care of himself.

He mayuse manipulationto get his way, so you need to be strong when he accuses you of not loving him and wanting what is best for him. Studies have shown that managing boundaries in marriage is important for a successful relationship, especially in couples where both partners are wage-earners.

He probably does not mean the things he says, but will say them to get what he wants. If you give in, he will continue to use manipulation to get his way.

Maintain Independent Space

Moving into her house is not a good idea if he’s a momma’s boy. Chances are, their relationship as mother and son will come before your relationship with him. He will most likely side with his mother on every subject to avoid upsetting her. He may even go to his mother when the two of you disagree.

While he can do these things even if you live outside her home, the distance will help some. You do not want to feel like the third wheel when living with your spouse.

However, keep in mind that living apart from your in-laws does not guarantee a stress-free relationship with them. Many couples still report feeling pressure.

Avoid Confrontation

It’s not your place to go to your mother-in-law and ask her to back off. If you want to talk to anyone about the situation, it’s your husband you need to talk to. Do not come from a place of anger, though.

When you approach the topic, be sensitive and tell him that you feel a little jealous and would like more alone time with him.

Remind him that you like his mother and don’t mind going to her house for dinner once a month, but she should not be coming on all of your activities and dates just because she islonelyor has poor boundaries.

Explain that you do not want her out of your lives, but you both need time to connect and grow as a couple.

How to Get Along With Your Mother-in-Law

Make Your Own Choices

It’s one thing for your mother-in-law to make his choices if that’s what he is comfortable with. She might pick out his clothes, his food, and even his career. If he is incapable of making these decisions without her input, however, that might be something to consider trying to iron out.

You don’t want his mother to become a decision-maker about choices you make as an individual or as a couple. Do not include your mother-in-law in your marital disagreements.

Your mother-in-law should not be part of your personal decisions about finances, career paths, parenting, or vacations unless you directly ask for her input.

Takeaways

If your spouse is too attached to his mother, it’s important to look at how this damages your marriage. You probably ignoredred flagsabout this when dating, so if you now see it in your marriage, you need to address it sooner rather than later. If trying to communicate and resolve problems around this does not move things in the right direction, professional help is probably in order.

Professional relationship counselingcan help couples address boundary issues. In addition to traditional face-to-face couples counseling, online therapy is also an option that can be both convenient, accessible, and effective.

The 10 Best Online Couples Therapy Services We Tried and Tested

7 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Cloud H, Townsend JS.Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Updated and expanded [edition]. Zondervan; 2017.Searight HR.Family Of Origin Therapy And Cultural Diversity. Taylor & Francis; 2014. doi:9781317763376Fosco GM, Lippold M, Feinberg M.Interparental boundary problems, parent-adolescent hostility, and adolescent-parent hostility: a family process model for adolescent aggression problems.Couple Family Psychol. 2014;3(3):141-155. doi:10.1037/cfp0000025Fearon RP, Bakermans-Kranenburg MJ, van IJzendoorn MH, Lapsley A-M, Roisman GI.The significance of insecure attachment and disorganization in the development of children’s externalizing behavior: a meta-analytic study.Child Development. 2010;81(2):435-456. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01405.xTrentacosta CJ, Criss MM, Shaw DS, Lacourse E, Hyde LW, Dishion TJ.Antecedents and outcomes of joint trajectories of mother-son conflict and warmth during middle childhood and adolescence.Child Dev. 2011;82(5):1676-90. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2011.01626.xRusso M, Ollier-Malaterre A, Kossek EE, Ohana M.Boundary management permeability and relationship satisfaction in dual-earner couples: The asymmetrical gender effect.Front Psychol. 2018;9:1723. Published 2018 Sep 13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01723Asadi ZS, Sadeghi R, Taghdisi MH, Zamani-Alavijeh F, Shojaeizadeh D, Khoshdel AR.Sources, outcomes and resolution of conflicts in marriage among Iranian women: A qualitative study.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2057–2065. doi:10.19082/2057

7 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Cloud H, Townsend JS.Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Updated and expanded [edition]. Zondervan; 2017.Searight HR.Family Of Origin Therapy And Cultural Diversity. Taylor & Francis; 2014. doi:9781317763376Fosco GM, Lippold M, Feinberg M.Interparental boundary problems, parent-adolescent hostility, and adolescent-parent hostility: a family process model for adolescent aggression problems.Couple Family Psychol. 2014;3(3):141-155. doi:10.1037/cfp0000025Fearon RP, Bakermans-Kranenburg MJ, van IJzendoorn MH, Lapsley A-M, Roisman GI.The significance of insecure attachment and disorganization in the development of children’s externalizing behavior: a meta-analytic study.Child Development. 2010;81(2):435-456. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01405.xTrentacosta CJ, Criss MM, Shaw DS, Lacourse E, Hyde LW, Dishion TJ.Antecedents and outcomes of joint trajectories of mother-son conflict and warmth during middle childhood and adolescence.Child Dev. 2011;82(5):1676-90. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2011.01626.xRusso M, Ollier-Malaterre A, Kossek EE, Ohana M.Boundary management permeability and relationship satisfaction in dual-earner couples: The asymmetrical gender effect.Front Psychol. 2018;9:1723. Published 2018 Sep 13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01723Asadi ZS, Sadeghi R, Taghdisi MH, Zamani-Alavijeh F, Shojaeizadeh D, Khoshdel AR.Sources, outcomes and resolution of conflicts in marriage among Iranian women: A qualitative study.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2057–2065. doi:10.19082/2057

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Cloud H, Townsend JS.Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Updated and expanded [edition]. Zondervan; 2017.Searight HR.Family Of Origin Therapy And Cultural Diversity. Taylor & Francis; 2014. doi:9781317763376Fosco GM, Lippold M, Feinberg M.Interparental boundary problems, parent-adolescent hostility, and adolescent-parent hostility: a family process model for adolescent aggression problems.Couple Family Psychol. 2014;3(3):141-155. doi:10.1037/cfp0000025Fearon RP, Bakermans-Kranenburg MJ, van IJzendoorn MH, Lapsley A-M, Roisman GI.The significance of insecure attachment and disorganization in the development of children’s externalizing behavior: a meta-analytic study.Child Development. 2010;81(2):435-456. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01405.xTrentacosta CJ, Criss MM, Shaw DS, Lacourse E, Hyde LW, Dishion TJ.Antecedents and outcomes of joint trajectories of mother-son conflict and warmth during middle childhood and adolescence.Child Dev. 2011;82(5):1676-90. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2011.01626.xRusso M, Ollier-Malaterre A, Kossek EE, Ohana M.Boundary management permeability and relationship satisfaction in dual-earner couples: The asymmetrical gender effect.Front Psychol. 2018;9:1723. Published 2018 Sep 13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01723Asadi ZS, Sadeghi R, Taghdisi MH, Zamani-Alavijeh F, Shojaeizadeh D, Khoshdel AR.Sources, outcomes and resolution of conflicts in marriage among Iranian women: A qualitative study.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2057–2065. doi:10.19082/2057

Cloud H, Townsend JS.Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Updated and expanded [edition]. Zondervan; 2017.

Searight HR.Family Of Origin Therapy And Cultural Diversity. Taylor & Francis; 2014. doi:9781317763376

Fosco GM, Lippold M, Feinberg M.Interparental boundary problems, parent-adolescent hostility, and adolescent-parent hostility: a family process model for adolescent aggression problems.Couple Family Psychol. 2014;3(3):141-155. doi:10.1037/cfp0000025

Fearon RP, Bakermans-Kranenburg MJ, van IJzendoorn MH, Lapsley A-M, Roisman GI.The significance of insecure attachment and disorganization in the development of children’s externalizing behavior: a meta-analytic study.Child Development. 2010;81(2):435-456. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01405.x

Trentacosta CJ, Criss MM, Shaw DS, Lacourse E, Hyde LW, Dishion TJ.Antecedents and outcomes of joint trajectories of mother-son conflict and warmth during middle childhood and adolescence.Child Dev. 2011;82(5):1676-90. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.2011.01626.x

Russo M, Ollier-Malaterre A, Kossek EE, Ohana M.Boundary management permeability and relationship satisfaction in dual-earner couples: The asymmetrical gender effect.Front Psychol. 2018;9:1723. Published 2018 Sep 13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01723

Asadi ZS, Sadeghi R, Taghdisi MH, Zamani-Alavijeh F, Shojaeizadeh D, Khoshdel AR.Sources, outcomes and resolution of conflicts in marriage among Iranian women: A qualitative study.Electron Physician. 2016;8(3):2057–2065. doi:10.19082/2057

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