What Does It Mean To Be Sex Positive?

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Sex positivity means embodying a liberating attitude towardsgender, body types,sexuality, and all of its nuances free of shame or judgment.

This belief system created astigmatizedculture perpetuating harmful tropes and limited, regressive perspectives about something that is a healthy and normal human behavior.

Sex can be a life-giving, vibrant, and pleasurable part of life and expression of oneself. Sex positivity is about embracing and embodying this inclusive and liberated perspective on sex.

Theabstinence-onlysex education that has historically been taught in schools has promoted the taboo, patriarchal, and heteronormative nature of sex. Unless it was used for family planning, sex outside of marriage was seen as an inherently promiscuous, shameful, and even dangerous activity laced with sexually transmitted infections (STIs), HIV/AIDS, unintended pregnancy, sexual coercion, and sexual violence.

Abstinence-based sex education has been scientifically proven to be ineffective and ethically problematic. After decades of studying its impact, multiple studies concluded that it is paramount to equip young adults with comprehensive, culturally competent, and medically precise sexual education. Researchers found that engaging in supportive conversations about sex was vital to facilitate one’s healthy development of sexuality into adulthood.

Dr. Suwinyattichaiporn notes that the rise of the feminist movement in the 1960s and 1970s strongly influenced a cultural shift toward sex positivity. “This was the time of sexual liberation and sex positive feminism when people became more open-minded about sex, casual sexual relationships, women’s pleasure, and LGBTQ+ relationships,” she explains. She also says many contemporary sex educators, therapists, and communities are continuing to move the needle on the sex positive movement.

One studyshows having an open-minded and communicative approach to sex also leads to better outcomes in doctor-patient relationships. Sex positive health educators are able to provide comprehensive education on sexual practices, pregnancy, family building, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) with the populations they serve.

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What Does Sex Positivity Look Like?

Developing a playful and curious relationship with your body is a way to practice sex positivity. A sex positive attitude allows you to explore your sexuality in a healthy and enjoyable manner so you can discover and understand what is most pleasurable for you. Suwinyattichaiporn shares some indicators of being sex positive:

Is It Possible to Be ‘Sex Negative’?

A sex negative perspective stems from the belief that sex is inherently bad, dangerous, or shameful and should be limited to those who are heterosexual, married, or trying to have children. Individuals with a sex negative attitude fail to recognize the joy, connection, intimacy, and exploration that sex can bring, disregarding the fact that human beings are inherently sexual beings.

Suwinyattichaiporn says a lot of people are sex negative, but it’s usually not through any fault of their own. It’s likely these individuals haveinternalized oppressive societal and cultural messagingthat sex should be shrouded in wrongness.

Feeling connected to your sexualityis part of well-being. If you feel your expression of sexual identity or sexual behavior is shameful, it can cause a cascade ofemotional dysregulation, suppression, humiliation,anxiety, and overall poor mental health. This is a result of sex negativity.

Examples of sex negativityinclude, but are not limited to:

How Sex Positivity Impacts Mental Health and Relationships

We’ve come a long way from how we used to view sex.

The World Health Organizationviewsconsensualsex and positive, intimate relationships as a fundamental human right. Sex is no longer an aberrant human behavior we have to justify, but rather an affirming act viewed with normalcy, dignity, and celebration.

A 2016 studycompleted a longitudinal study over a decade and found that greater sexual well-being correlated with a healthier relationship with the self and with others. Participants in the study reported reduceddepression, low desire for thrill-seeking, higherself-esteem, stronger religious beliefs, lessened substance use, improved social integration, lessened delinquent behavior, and a higher level of involvement within their community.

According to Suwinyattichaiporn, emerging studiescontinue to show that having a positive sexual attitude is correlated to higher levels of sexual satisfaction, which in turn leads to social, emotional, physical, and mental benefits.

She adds, “There are many [additional] benefits of being sex positive including reducedsexual anxiety, improved sexual functioning, and higher levels of sexual self-esteem which can also give you a confidence boost.”

How to Be More Sex Positive

There are many ways to be sex positive. Whether you are just starting out with sex positivity or want to expand your existing sex positive attitude, here are some ways to incorporate sex positivity into your daily life:

Talk Openly About Sex

Seems simple, but Suwinyattichaiporn says being able to have positive conversations about sex is one of the biggest way to be more sex positive.

Clinical datashows that couples report sexual dissatisfaction due to a lack of open communication about their needs. So, although theconversation may be uncomfortable with your partner, it’s essential to have your relationship be a safe space to communicate your sexual needs. This can also help build trust and intimacy in a relationship.

Practice Sexual Affirmations and Sexual Meditation

“[Sexual affirmations are] a meditation practice that focuses on positive sexual thoughts, feelings, and sensations,” Suwinyattichaiporn says. Studies show self-affirmation is key in reducing body shame and increasing positive mindset and body satisfaction.To help see yourself in a generous light, Suwinyattichaiporn suggests saying phrases such as:

Be The Sex Positive Go-To Person

Your friends tend to be the people you go to for problems in your life. Topics around sexual health are no exception.

A study in 2018found that peer sexual communication can guide friends to higher sexual self-efficacy and sexual self-esteem as long as the information was empowering and accurate. However, when the information was inaccurate, those same conversations led to risky sexual norms.

Suwinyattichaiporn notes that educating yourself properly and having a sex positive attitude with your family and friend group will help move the sex positive movement forward.

Tune Into Your Sexuality

In childhood, parents often gave children inaccurate language to describe their genitals. Instead of penis or vagina, they might use nicknames or the term “private parts” which creates the perception that sex is shameful.

Take the time to learn about your anatomy and then understand what brings you pleasure. This could be a good moment to try out sex toys and masturbation. Practice saying what you like out loud during solo pleasure so it’s easier to communicate what feels good.

Self-Assessment

Additionally, Suwinyattichaiporn suggestssitting with yourself and completing a self-assessmentof your relationship to sex on a deeper level. There are always past harmful beliefs we can undo and unlearn, especially with any stereotypes or tropes that may limit you from seeing sex as a right for all.

She recommends asking yourself these questions to begin:

Resources

It’s important to maintain a curiosity about how you can improve and better communicate your sexual health, desire, consent, and communication styles. Suwinyattichaiporn advises listening to sex positive podcasts, following sex educators on social media, and going on sex positive audio chatrooms to learn more and engage with others.

Verywell Mind has also compiled a list of research-backed resources to help you dive deeper into sex positivity and sexuality:

A Word from Verywell Mind

Being sex positive does not necessarily mean changing your sexual habits. Many think that, to be sex positive, they need tocasually have sexwith many partners or try new, adventurous sex positions, but this is not the case. Sex positivity is about your attitude towards sex and sexual practices, not just the sexual practices themselves.

Seeing sex with positivity and acceptance allows you to embody the fullness of who you are. It helps you tune in to your pleasure and body, allowing you to have a better relationship with yourself and those around you. Sex positivity frees you of shame, which in turn can provide you with a greater sense of well-being and peace.

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12 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

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Abstinence-only education is a failure. Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health.

Pitts RA, Greene RE.Promoting positive sexual health.Am J Public Health. 2020;110(2):149-150.

Sævik KW, Konijnenberg C.The effects of sexual shame, emotion regulation and gender on sexual desire.Sci Rep. 2023;13:4042.

Rowland DL, Dabbs CR, Medina MC.Sex differences in attributions to positive and negative sexual scenarios in men and women with and without sexual problems: reconsidering stereotypes.Arch Sex Behav. 2019;48(3):855-866.

Brand E, Ratsch A, Nagaraj D, Heffernan E.The sexuality and sexual experiences of forensic mental health patients: An integrative review of the literature.Front Psychiatry. 2022;13:975577.

Hensel DJ, Nance J, Fortenberry JD.The association between sexual health and physical, mental, and social health in adolescent women.J Adolesc Health. 2016;59(4):416-421.

Sierra JC, Gómez-Carranza J, Álvarez-Muelas A, Cervilla O.Association of sexual attitudes with sexual function: general vs. Specific attitudes.Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2021;18(19):10390.

Mallory AB, Stanton AM, Handy AB.Couples’ sexual communication and dimensions of sexual function: A meta-analysis.J Sex Res. 2019;56(7):882-898.

Gezahegn T, Birhanu Z, Aman M, Dessalegn M, Abera A, Nyagero J.Peer communication on sex and sexual health among youths: a case of Debre Berhan university, Ethiopia.Pan Afr Med J. 2016;25(Suppl 2):8.

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