Close

Celibacyis often thought of as the act of avoiding sexual relationships for religious reasons, to remain “pure,” or allow for more time to devote to God. But recently the decision to go celibate for a short or extended period has become a more popular practice without any of the religious connotations.

The movement has been pronounced on social media. Every day people and celebrities are publicly sharing why they are abstaining from sex. Actor and “It Girl” Julia Fox told television host Andy Cohen that choosing to be celibate for over two years is a way for her to take back control after the overturning ofRoev.Wade.

Musician Lenny Kravitz told theGuardianthat he hasn’t been in a relationship for nine years and has chosen to be celibate for spiritual reasons.

Beyond these specific reasons voluntary celibacy is increasingly being viewed as a way to take back control of your sexual autonomy, reconnect with yourself, and take the time to investigate what forms ofintimacyare truly beneficial to you and your emotional wellbeing.

While the effects of social media and celebrities sharing their voluntary celibacy may contribute to its popularity, some research shows that in recent years, more and more people are having less sex.

The same is true for adolescents. A 2021 study found that more adolescents reported not having sexual activity whether they had a partner or not. Between 2009 and 2018, abstinence from sex increased for males from 28.8% to 44.2% and for females from 49.5% to 74%.

Reasons for Choosing to Be Celibate

In addition to religious or spiritual reasons for choosing celibacy, New York City sex therapistStephen Snyder, MD, author ofLove Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in aLong-Lasting Relationship, says there is a trend among heterosexual women whose relationships with men have left them discouraged and annoyed.

“Whether it’s their male partners’ excessive need for caretaking, their limited ability to sexually connect, or the emotional labor required to handle a male partners’ emotional limitations, many women just feel relieved to be done with the whole thing,” he says.

Because many women tend to over-function in relationships, Snyder says they end up neglectingtheir own needs. “Sometimes a woman who finds herself single realizes it’s the first time she’s been able to think about her own needs. She naturally might want to keep that going for a while, before having to confront a partner’s needs again.”

Stephen Snyder, MDWhether it’s their male partners’ excessive need for caretaking, their limited ability to sexually connect, or the emotional labor required to handle a male partners’ emotional limitations, many women just feel relieved to be done with the whole thing.

Stephen Snyder, MD

Whether it’s their male partners’ excessive need for caretaking, their limited ability to sexually connect, or the emotional labor required to handle a male partners’ emotional limitations, many women just feel relieved to be done with the whole thing.

For people who identify as having “out of control sexual behavior,” they can sometimes benefit from a period of no sex, where they can learn other ways to regulate their emotions, says Snyder.

He explains that sexual desire can feel like a ‘drive’ similar to that of hunger or thirst.

“But if you don’t satisfy hunger or thirst, they only get stronger. Sexual desire isn’t like that. It’s more like an emotion, where if you don’t respond, it tends to dissipate and give way to other emotions,” says Snyder. “That can be important for people to learn, and a period of celibacy can sometimes be a good way to learn it.”

For those who identify asasexual, meaning they experience little or no sexual attraction to others, engaging in sexual activity may not be a priority or desire, leading them to adopt a celibate lifestyle, saysAmie Leadingham, certified relationship coach.

How Sexual Chemistry Develops and What It Feels Like

The following movements are related to celibacy.

Boysober

“Constantly engaging in the dating process can be emotionally taxing, especially when relationships don’t work out as expected,” says Leadingham.

Some people choose celibacy to avoid the dating world to heal, reevaluate their priorities, and work on themselves without the emotional distractions of dating.

Amie Leadingham, relationship coachI was exhausted from all theemotional gameswith dating and online dating,” she says. “During this period, I was able to take a step back from the dating world and work on my personal development.

Amie Leadingham, relationship coach

I was exhausted from all theemotional gameswith dating and online dating,” she says. “During this period, I was able to take a step back from the dating world and work on my personal development.

After years of struggling with dating fatigue, Leadingham took a “boysober” hiatus fromdating apps, communication with her exes, hookups, situationships, dates, and she practiced celibacy for five months to focus on herself.

“I was exhausted from all theemotional gameswith dating and online dating,” she says. “During this period, I was able to take a step back from the dating world and work on my personal development.”

She focused on creating a space to heal, reassess her priorities, and work on self-improvement without the distractions or pressures of romantic relationships.

“This process helped me get in touch with myself and boosted my self-worth, as I wasn’t falling into bed with the wrong partners and feeling horrible when they ghosted,” says Leadingham.

During the five months, she became more conscious and intentional with who and what she let into her life. “When I finally felt confident in myself, I returned to dating, knowing exactly what I wanted. In a short few months, I met the love of my life,” she says.

Tons of People Are Ditching the Dating Apps, It Might Be Your Time Too

Strategies for Embracing the Celibacy Lifestyle

If you’re ready to give celibacy a try or are currently celibate, the following tips can help you embrace this lifestyle.

Engage in Charitable Work

“12-step fellowships operate on that principle: you’re helping others, and in the process working on yourself. Plus you feel connected to the fellowship and to a ‘higher power,’ which can help you feel less lonely and separate,” says Snyder.

Prioritize Self-care

Many people report that during a period of celibacy they’re able to focus on their own needs without the distractions of needing to take care of a partner, says Snyder. Consider meditation, exercise, nutrition planning, sleeping, and other activities and pursuits that bring you joy, purpose, and growth.

Practice Non-Sexual Intimacy

Fostering deep connections with others without sex is possible. Leadingham suggests quality time and undivided attention through meaningful conversations, physical touch through hand-holding or hugging, acts of service, thoughtful gift-giving, words of affirmation, shared activities and hobbies, emotional vulnerability where both partners are seen and heard, and consistent support through life’s ups and downs.

“The key is to focus on the other person and what makes them feel uniquely loved, seen, and cherished,” she says.

Surround Yourself With a Support System

Spend time with people who support and respect your choice, and lean on them when you need encouragement. “If no one in your circle understands your choice, you don’t need their approval,” says Leadingham. “Search out celibacy support groups online in your local area to find like-minded people. Above all, trust that you are on a unique journey that’sright for you.”

Stand Up For Your Choice

When faced with societal pressures or criticism about celibacy, Ledingham says stand firm in your convictions and use it as a chance to share your perspective with openness and honesty.

“Choosing to be celibate can be a brave and meaningful decision, but it’s not always an easy path. It’s understandable to face challenges and moments of doubt along the way. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself.”

Keep in Mind

As celibacy gains momentum from celebrities and the like, there are varied reasons why people might choose this lifestyle. If you decide to try celibacy for a period of time, there are ways to make it easier.

What Does It Mean To Be Sex Positive?

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.‘I did a 90-minute workout at 2am!’: Lenny Kravitz on sex, spliffs and stayinggorgeous at 60. (2024, May 30). The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/music/article/2024/may/30/lenny-kravitz-interview-blue-electric-lightGss data explorer | norc at the university of chicago. (n.d.). Retrieved June 9, 2024, fromhttps://gssdataexplorer.norc.org/variables/5057/vshowHerbenick, D., Rosenberg, M., Golzarri-Arroyo, L., Fortenberry, J. D., & Fu, T. (2022). Changes in penile-vaginal intercourse frequency and sexual repertoire from 2009 to 2018: Findings from the national survey of sexual health and behavior. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(3), 1419–1433.https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02125-2Lee, J., & Jeong, E. (2021). The 4B movement: Envisioning a feminist future with/in a non-reproductive future in Korea. Journal of Gender Studies, 30(5), 633–644. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2021.1929097

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.‘I did a 90-minute workout at 2am!’: Lenny Kravitz on sex, spliffs and stayinggorgeous at 60. (2024, May 30). The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/music/article/2024/may/30/lenny-kravitz-interview-blue-electric-lightGss data explorer | norc at the university of chicago. (n.d.). Retrieved June 9, 2024, fromhttps://gssdataexplorer.norc.org/variables/5057/vshowHerbenick, D., Rosenberg, M., Golzarri-Arroyo, L., Fortenberry, J. D., & Fu, T. (2022). Changes in penile-vaginal intercourse frequency and sexual repertoire from 2009 to 2018: Findings from the national survey of sexual health and behavior. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(3), 1419–1433.https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02125-2Lee, J., & Jeong, E. (2021). The 4B movement: Envisioning a feminist future with/in a non-reproductive future in Korea. Journal of Gender Studies, 30(5), 633–644. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2021.1929097

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

‘I did a 90-minute workout at 2am!’: Lenny Kravitz on sex, spliffs and stayinggorgeous at 60. (2024, May 30). The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/music/article/2024/may/30/lenny-kravitz-interview-blue-electric-lightGss data explorer | norc at the university of chicago. (n.d.). Retrieved June 9, 2024, fromhttps://gssdataexplorer.norc.org/variables/5057/vshowHerbenick, D., Rosenberg, M., Golzarri-Arroyo, L., Fortenberry, J. D., & Fu, T. (2022). Changes in penile-vaginal intercourse frequency and sexual repertoire from 2009 to 2018: Findings from the national survey of sexual health and behavior. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(3), 1419–1433.https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02125-2Lee, J., & Jeong, E. (2021). The 4B movement: Envisioning a feminist future with/in a non-reproductive future in Korea. Journal of Gender Studies, 30(5), 633–644. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2021.1929097

‘I did a 90-minute workout at 2am!’: Lenny Kravitz on sex, spliffs and stayinggorgeous at 60. (2024, May 30). The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/music/article/2024/may/30/lenny-kravitz-interview-blue-electric-light

Gss data explorer | norc at the university of chicago. (n.d.). Retrieved June 9, 2024, fromhttps://gssdataexplorer.norc.org/variables/5057/vshow

Herbenick, D., Rosenberg, M., Golzarri-Arroyo, L., Fortenberry, J. D., & Fu, T. (2022). Changes in penile-vaginal intercourse frequency and sexual repertoire from 2009 to 2018: Findings from the national survey of sexual health and behavior. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(3), 1419–1433.https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-021-02125-2

Lee, J., & Jeong, E. (2021). The 4B movement: Envisioning a feminist future with/in a non-reproductive future in Korea. Journal of Gender Studies, 30(5), 633–644. https://doi.org/10.1080/09589236.2021.1929097

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?