Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsWhere Did the “Pick Me Girl” Originate?Characteristics of a “Pick Me Girl”Negative Associations With Being a “Pick Me Girl”Are There Any Positive Aspects of “Pick Me Girls”?Are There “Pick Me Boys”?How To Avoid Being a “Pick Me Girl”Harmful Impacts of Labels

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Where Did the “Pick Me Girl” Originate?

Characteristics of a “Pick Me Girl”

Negative Associations With Being a “Pick Me Girl”

Are There Any Positive Aspects of “Pick Me Girls”?

Are There “Pick Me Boys”?

How To Avoid Being a “Pick Me Girl”

Harmful Impacts of Labels

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She doesn’t eat salads, wear a lot of make-up or do girl drama. She eats burgers, drinks beer, loves sports, and always goes with the flow. She’s not like other girls. Yeah, right! She’s just pretending to be “one of the guys” for attention, she’ssucha “pick me girl”.

You’ve probably encountered this term before, and maybe even know a few women who fit the bill, but does slapping this label on women do more harm than good in a world that strives for gender equality?

Understanding the Male Gaze and How It Objectifies Women

For instance, there is a scene inA Cinderella Storywhere Austin asks Sam whether she prefers eating a rice cake or a hamburger. Sam responds with the latter and Austin is pleasantly surprised. Choosing the burger fits the “guys’ girl” category because it means she’s not obsessed with dieting like most girls.

Another example is Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me.” The lyrics describe how she wears sneakers and sits on the bleachers; however, her crush’s girlfriend wears high heels and is the cheer captain. And those differences are why she’s more laidback and relatable and why he belongs with her.

Jump forward to recent years, Gen Z popularizes #PickMeGirl as an insult. It originates from the phrase “I’m not like other girls”. Labeling a woman as a “pick me girl” means she is being mocked for altering herself to win the approval of men. She’s desperate and willing to do anything to convince men that she is the better choice compared to other women.

Characteristics of a “Pick Me Girl”

The “pick me girl” is a topic that conceptualizes women whose behavior reflects their intense desire for male approval.

Marvy BeckmanLICSW, Co-Chief Executive Officer ofSunstar Virtual Behavioral Solutionsshared that a “pick me girl” will find ways to enhance her speech, appearance, and/or personality that favor those she seeks connection with. She spends her time around certain crowds or seeks to elevate different areas of her life that may be uncomfortable to meet this need.

Prides herself as different from other womenNot overly needy or feminineConstantly seeks validation from others, particularly menWants to be known as a cool girl who can hang with the guysLow-maintenance, easy-going or chillDownplays her achievements and interests

Negative Associations With Being a “Pick Me Girl”

‘I Need Attention:’ What This Means and How to Stop Needing It

Are There Any Positive Aspects of “Pick Me Girls”?

Before the label became popular, it was socially acceptable and even encouraged through the media for a woman to change who they were to appease the desires of men. The label helps to identify these behaviors as detrimental and recognizes the negative cultural influences that shape how a woman views herself in society.

Tatiana Rivera CruzMSW, LCSW shared that there are a couple of positive aspects that came out from the “pick me girl” label.

“Positive aspects that we can analyze from the “pick me girl” label is the initiative to being exposed to others and confronting others' opinions about the self,” explained Cruz.

Are There “Pick Me Boys”?

Yes, there is such a label as “pick me boys”. Beckman explained that a “pick me boy” seeks connection in whatever way seems viable. Everyone has a different comfort level when expressing their needs to others. A “pick me boy” may change his appearance, education, and/or personality to get the connection he desires.

How To Avoid Being a “Pick Me Girl”

There are ways for women to avoid being labeled a “pick me girl". This isn’t only about how to prevent being name-called. Dr. Romanoff shared that women can be more true to themselves and stop behaving with the primary goal of winning male approval. By de-centering men and instead centering themselves in the relationship process, women can work to reprogram this intense pressure and thrill of being picked.

“Instead of feeling inferior because the guy isn’t texting back or flaked on your date because you don’t feel good enough — ask yourself how his actions make you feel. Is this feeling something you want to experience from your partner?,” advised Dr. Romanoff.

When women are more sure of themselves and what they bring to the table, they can become less reliant on external validation. Always try to ground yourself in how the other person’s actions made you feel — instead of trying to assume your value based on how they treat you.

Potentially Harmful Impact of the “Pick Me Girl” Label

Gender stereotypes are associated with harassment, violence and sexism in men. In women, they are linked to body shame, eating disorders, reduced career-related ambitions, tolerance of abuse and sexist beliefs.

Therefore, some may justify the “pick me girl” label as our society’s way of battling gender stereotypes. However, labeling someone for their behaviors is a form of stereotyping. Labels set harmful expectations for people whether they meet them or not.

For instance, just because a woman enjoys watching sports and hates doing her nails doesn’t mean she’s acting like a “pick me girl”. She may truly enjoy those things and there should be no shame in that. Labels make it difficult for anyone to behave authentically because they create a fear of being put in a box or not fitting in one.

In addition, for those who are intentionally acting like a “pick me girl”, it often stems from a lack of self-confidence, limited sense of identity, immaturity, the media and the cultural pressures to appeal to men and gain their validation. Therefore, instead of hating on someone for being a “pick me girl”, it’s more productive to put our efforts towards dismantling labels and supporting one another instead of pitting women against each other.

Self-Objectification in Women

1 SourceVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Santoniccolo F, Trombetta T, Paradiso MN, Rollè L.Gender and media representations: a review of the literature on gender stereotypes, objectification and sexualization.International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2023;20(10):5770.

1 Source

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Santoniccolo F, Trombetta T, Paradiso MN, Rollè L.Gender and media representations: a review of the literature on gender stereotypes, objectification and sexualization.International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2023;20(10):5770.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Santoniccolo F, Trombetta T, Paradiso MN, Rollè L.Gender and media representations: a review of the literature on gender stereotypes, objectification and sexualization.International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2023;20(10):5770.

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