Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsThe Dynamics of Reactive AbuseRecognizing the Signs of Reactive AbuseThe Psychological Impact of Reactive AbuseThe Connection Between Reactive Abuse and GaslightingHow to Break the Cycle of Reactive AbuseEmpowering Yourself Against Reactive Abuse

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

The Dynamics of Reactive Abuse

Recognizing the Signs of Reactive Abuse

The Psychological Impact of Reactive Abuse

The Connection Between Reactive Abuse and Gaslighting

How to Break the Cycle of Reactive Abuse

Empowering Yourself Against Reactive Abuse

Someone who is being abused might eventually reach their breaking point and lash out at their abuser in return. This is known as reactive abuse.

In this article, we explore the psychological dynamics of reactive abuse, the signs to look out for, the impact it can cause, and steps to get help.

Self-Defense Is a More Accurate TermIt’s important to understand that someone who has to resort to reactive abuse is not the instigator. Rather, they are a victim who is reacting to being abused.The term “reactive abuse” can therefore be problematic, because it labels the victim as an abuser. A more accurate term to describe this behavior is “self-defense.”

Self-Defense Is a More Accurate Term

It’s important to understand that someone who has to resort to reactive abuse is not the instigator. Rather, they are a victim who is reacting to being abused.The term “reactive abuse” can therefore be problematic, because it labels the victim as an abuser. A more accurate term to describe this behavior is “self-defense.”

It’s important to understand that someone who has to resort to reactive abuse is not the instigator. Rather, they are a victim who is reacting to being abused.

The term “reactive abuse” can therefore be problematic, because it labels the victim as an abuser. A more accurate term to describe this behavior is “self-defense.”

Unfortunately, reactive abuse often works against thevictimof abuse, because their abuser may use it as leverage against them.

Once the victim of abuse responds this way, the perpetrator often claims that the abuse is mutual, says Connors. In some cases, the abuser might even claim to be the wounded party and try to use these instances as proof that they have been abused, instead of the other way around.

Perpetrators may use these manipulation tactics as a way to justify their abuse, control their victims, and keep them from leaving or speaking about the abuse, Connors explains.

They may even try to record the person’s reaction, or provoke a response in public so that they have witnesses who can say they saw them being “abused.”

Am I Being Gaslighted? Take the Quiz

These are some of the signs and characteristics of reactive abuse:

How to Recognize the Signs and Types of Manipulative Behavior

Research shows that experiencingabusecan be traumatic and lead to physical and psychological damage.

In a situation where the victim responds with reactive abuse, the abuser may convince them that they too are engaging in abusive behavior, which may result in feelings of guilt and shame, Connors explains.

“This dynamic can be extremely damaging and harmful to the person’s mental health, as it may cause them to experience increased anxiety, depression, isolation, sleep-related issues, confusion, and mood swings,” says Connors.

Victims of this dynamic may also experiencegaslightingin the following ways, according to Connors:

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can cause victims to blame themselves. Victims may feel as if they are crazy and demonstrate an increased dependence on their partner.—ALEXA CONNORS, LMSW

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can cause victims to blame themselves. Victims may feel as if they are crazy and demonstrate an increased dependence on their partner.

—ALEXA CONNORS, LMSW

If you are a victim of abuse, these are some steps that can help you break the cycle of reactive abuse:

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact theNational Domestic Violence Hotlineat1-800-799-7233for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

How to Find Domestic Violence Classes

Reactive abuse can leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, confused, scared, and angry. You may feel trapped and not know what to do.

Leaving an abusive situation is not easy. As soon as you are safely able to do so, create an exit plan andleavethe abusive situation. You can reach out to trusted loved ones or the domestic violence hotline for help and support.

Best Domestic Violence Support Groups

2 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Patra P, Prakash J, Patra B, Khanna P.Intimate partner violence: Wounds are deeper.Indian J Psychiatry. 2018;60(4):494-498. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_74_17Mukhtar S.Public health aspects of domestic/intimate partner violence abuse and trauma during COVID-19 quarantine: imbalanced power dynamic and sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse.Asia Pac J Public Health. 2023;35(4):301-303. doi:10.1177/10105395231164439

2 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Patra P, Prakash J, Patra B, Khanna P.Intimate partner violence: Wounds are deeper.Indian J Psychiatry. 2018;60(4):494-498. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_74_17Mukhtar S.Public health aspects of domestic/intimate partner violence abuse and trauma during COVID-19 quarantine: imbalanced power dynamic and sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse.Asia Pac J Public Health. 2023;35(4):301-303. doi:10.1177/10105395231164439

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Patra P, Prakash J, Patra B, Khanna P.Intimate partner violence: Wounds are deeper.Indian J Psychiatry. 2018;60(4):494-498. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_74_17Mukhtar S.Public health aspects of domestic/intimate partner violence abuse and trauma during COVID-19 quarantine: imbalanced power dynamic and sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse.Asia Pac J Public Health. 2023;35(4):301-303. doi:10.1177/10105395231164439

Patra P, Prakash J, Patra B, Khanna P.Intimate partner violence: Wounds are deeper.Indian J Psychiatry. 2018;60(4):494-498. doi:10.4103/psychiatry.IndianJPsychiatry_74_17

Mukhtar S.Public health aspects of domestic/intimate partner violence abuse and trauma during COVID-19 quarantine: imbalanced power dynamic and sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse.Asia Pac J Public Health. 2023;35(4):301-303. doi:10.1177/10105395231164439

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