Understanding Oldest Child Syndrome and How It Shapes Childhood Development

Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsCharacteristics of Oldest ChildrenImpact of Oldest Child Syndrome on DevelopmentHow Being the Oldest Child Affects PersonalityPractical Strategies for Managing Oldest Child SyndromeWhere to Go From Here

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Characteristics of Oldest Children

Impact of Oldest Child Syndrome on Development

How Being the Oldest Child Affects Personality

Practical Strategies for Managing Oldest Child Syndrome

Where to Go From Here

Close

Oldest child syndrome, sometimes called firstborn syndrome, refers to how being the first-born child in a family can shape a person’s identity.Birth orderhas long been thought of as one of the primary factors that influence our personality and development.

In particular, firstborn children are usually characterized as responsible,Type Apersonalities who are often drawn to leadership-type roles in the family and in their lives.

Being the oldest sibling may have its perks, but it also can feel like a burden at times. “I would define ‘oldest child syndrome’ as the pressure the oldest sibling feels to meet the high expectations placed on them as well as the stress to feel like they must be the perfect role model for the rest of their siblings,” says Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S, licensed professional clinical counselor and therapist atLifeStance Health.

At a GlanceIf you’re the oldest child in your family, it can be helpful to understand oldest child syndrome because a lot of your behavioral patterns will probably start to make a lot more sense. We’ll take a closer look at how being the oldest child affects personality and development, as well as ways that parents and oldest children themselves can manage any challenges that arise.

At a Glance

If you’re the oldest child in your family, it can be helpful to understand oldest child syndrome because a lot of your behavioral patterns will probably start to make a lot more sense. We’ll take a closer look at how being the oldest child affects personality and development, as well as ways that parents and oldest children themselves can manage any challenges that arise.

Is Middle Child Syndrome Real?

There are no hard and fast rules about what oldest children are like, and researchers haven’t come to any clear conclusions about what characterizes oldest children, besides that they perform slightly better on intelligence tests than their younger siblings.

According to Brandy Smith, PhD, licensed psychologist withThriveworksin Birmingham, AL, some of the characteristics commonly associated with oldest children include:

While traits like a tendency to be perfectionistic, ambitious, and stubborn are often ascribed to oldest children, these traits don’t always accurately describe them, says Leanza. Moreover, many firstborns struggle under the weight of the expectations put upon them.

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Many theories about oldest children’s development are based on the idea that these children are usually given their parents’ undivided attention early on, which may make it more likely for them to reach developmental milestones early, especially ones centered around intelligence and academic achievements.

Here’s what research has found:

Being the oldest sibling can also impact a child’semotional developmentand their sense of self, Leanza says. “For example, they may mature faster due to having to take on more responsibility within the household or they may become parentified because of having to take care of their younger siblings, especially if there is only one parental figure or if both parents work,” she describes.

This pressure can lead to an oldest child struggling to find their identity outside of their role in their family, Leanza explains. One important aspect of healthy development is being able to individuate outside of your family, and children who are “parentified” (i.e., take on the role of parent in their family) often have a hard time achieving this, which can stifle normal development.

What Is Parentification?

The evidence is less clear and conclusive when it comes to how birth order affects a child’s personality.

Australian doctor and psychoanalyst Alfred Adler is usually credited with the origin of the theory of how birth order affects personality. Adler’s theory was that both firstborn andyoungest childrenexperienceneurosesbased on their need for success and dominance in the family, whereas middle birth children have more easy-going personalities, and also tend to be more rebellious.

Again, though, the evidence to back up these claims are scant and not always consistent. For example, a 2015 study published in theJournal of Research in Personalityfound that oldest siblings tended to be more conscientious, outgoing, and generally agreeable than younger children.But the difference in personality traits between oldest and younger siblings were “infinitesimally small,” according to study researchers.

What Are the Big 5 Personality Traits?

Being an oldest child can impact mental health

According to Smith, in addition to personality, being an oldest child can impact a person’s mental health. “If too much responsibility is placed on the oldest sibling, then the child may feel like they did not have enough of a childhood because of what they were asked to do as an oldest sibling,” she explains. If the family lackshealthy boundaries, this can lead to mental health struggles like anxiety and depression in the older sibling, Smith says.

These potentially unhealthy boundaries can also impact relationships. This is especially true in families where the oldest sibling is significantly older than the younger sibling, and takes on huge responsibilities within the family—essentially taking on a parental or authoritative role.

The child may continue to view relationships as areas where they are an authority figure, which may create conflicts in future relationships during adulthood. “In healthy experiences, relationships with others can be caring and nurturing, but sometimes the tendency to need to be in control can manifest and lead the oldest child to be problematically rigid and not collaborative enough,” Smith describes.

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Parenting an oldest child, or being one yourself, can come with challenges. But simply being aware of these potential difficulties means that you are willing to face them. It also shows that you are mindful of the impact that birth order can potentially have.

Our experts shared their best advice for how to navigate oldest child syndrome—for both parents and oldest children themselves.

For Parents

Still, sometimes life circumstances necessitate an older sibling having to step in and fulfill more parent-like roles. “There is no inevitability that this has to be a ‘bad’ or ‘problematic’ arrangement,” Smith says. “It’s more about how it’s structured and working to show similar value for each family member.”

Brandy Smith, PhDIdeally, the oldest child would be asked to be a role model as a sibling but not a caretaker in the sense of a parent/guardian

Brandy Smith, PhD

Ideally, the oldest child would be asked to be a role model as a sibling but not a caretaker in the sense of a parent/guardian

Leanza says that parents should generally be aware of the inadvertent messages that they are sending to their oldest children. “You may be pushing them so hard that your child may feel you only love them when they are ‘being perfect,’” she says. Her advice is to strive for balance in your parenting and understand that each child is unique and has different needs.

“‘One size fits all’ doesn’t always translate to good parenting, so make sure to adjust your parenting style to fit your child’s personality and temperament,” Smith advises.

For Oldest Children

If you are currently an oldest child who is struggling, Smith suggests that you remind yourself that you are simply a sibling, not a parent, and you don’t have to be responsible for everything having to do with your younger siblings. “Remember that your younger siblings are their own people and will not always do what you think is best,” she says.

If you are an oldest child who is now a teen or adult, it can be helpful to reflect on how your family dynamics growing up may have affected your identity, Leanza suggests. You can ask yourself questions like:

“Once you can understand the possible reasons why you do what you do, then you’ll be more aware that you are doing them and can work on changing those behaviors,” Leanza says.

11 Signs You Might Be an Overachiever

Being an oldest child can certainly have its challenges, and if your role in your family made you feel intense pressure or an unhealthy drive toward perfection, you may experience mental health issues.Many of the difficulties that oldest children face are an inability to set healthy boundaries with others, says Smith. This is something that therapy can help with.

“Sometimes a person may think they know what healthy boundaries are but do not, so talking it out with respected others in one’s personal life and/or connecting with a mental health provider can allow both parents/caregivers and an oldest child to determine what may be possible and better,” Smith says.

Depending on your age and circumstances, this might look like individual therapy or family counseling. Either way, anyone who is struggling with oldest child syndrome shouldn’t hesitate to reach out for professional mental health help.

Navigating the Challenges of Eldest Daughter Syndrome

6 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Damian RI, Roberts BW.Settling the debate on birth order and personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14119-14120. doi:10.1073/pnas.1519064112Rohrer JM, Egloff B, Schmukle SC.Examining the effects of birth order on personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14224–14229. doi:10.1073/pnas.1506451112Luo R, Song L, Chiu I.A Closer Look at the Birth Order Effect on Early Cognitive and School Readiness Development in Diverse Contexts. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.871837Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Yates D.Massive study: Birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. University of Illinois News Bureau.Additional ReadingDamian RI, Roberts BW.Settling the debate on birth order and personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14119-14120. doi:10.1073/pnas.1519064112Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Luo R, Song L, Chiu I.A Closer Look at the Birth Order Effect on Early Cognitive and School Readiness Development in Diverse Contexts. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.871837Rohrer JM, Egloff B, Schmukle SC.Examining the effects of birth order on personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14224–14229. doi:10.1073/pnas.1506451112Yates D.Massive study: Birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. University of Illinois News Bureau.

6 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Damian RI, Roberts BW.Settling the debate on birth order and personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14119-14120. doi:10.1073/pnas.1519064112Rohrer JM, Egloff B, Schmukle SC.Examining the effects of birth order on personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14224–14229. doi:10.1073/pnas.1506451112Luo R, Song L, Chiu I.A Closer Look at the Birth Order Effect on Early Cognitive and School Readiness Development in Diverse Contexts. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.871837Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Yates D.Massive study: Birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. University of Illinois News Bureau.Additional ReadingDamian RI, Roberts BW.Settling the debate on birth order and personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14119-14120. doi:10.1073/pnas.1519064112Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Luo R, Song L, Chiu I.A Closer Look at the Birth Order Effect on Early Cognitive and School Readiness Development in Diverse Contexts. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.871837Rohrer JM, Egloff B, Schmukle SC.Examining the effects of birth order on personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14224–14229. doi:10.1073/pnas.1506451112Yates D.Massive study: Birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. University of Illinois News Bureau.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Damian RI, Roberts BW.Settling the debate on birth order and personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14119-14120. doi:10.1073/pnas.1519064112Rohrer JM, Egloff B, Schmukle SC.Examining the effects of birth order on personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14224–14229. doi:10.1073/pnas.1506451112Luo R, Song L, Chiu I.A Closer Look at the Birth Order Effect on Early Cognitive and School Readiness Development in Diverse Contexts. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.871837Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Yates D.Massive study: Birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. University of Illinois News Bureau.

Damian RI, Roberts BW.Settling the debate on birth order and personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14119-14120. doi:10.1073/pnas.1519064112

Rohrer JM, Egloff B, Schmukle SC.Examining the effects of birth order on personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14224–14229. doi:10.1073/pnas.1506451112

Luo R, Song L, Chiu I.A Closer Look at the Birth Order Effect on Early Cognitive and School Readiness Development in Diverse Contexts. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.871837

Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005

Yates D.Massive study: Birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. University of Illinois News Bureau.

Damian RI, Roberts BW.Settling the debate on birth order and personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14119-14120. doi:10.1073/pnas.1519064112Damian RI, Roberts BW.The associations of birth order with personality and intelligence in a representative sample of U.S. high school students. Journal of Research in Personality. 2015;58:96-105. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2015.05.005Luo R, Song L, Chiu I.A Closer Look at the Birth Order Effect on Early Cognitive and School Readiness Development in Diverse Contexts. Frontiers in Psychology. 2022;13. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2022.871837Rohrer JM, Egloff B, Schmukle SC.Examining the effects of birth order on personality. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 2015;112(46):14224–14229. doi:10.1073/pnas.1506451112Yates D.Massive study: Birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. University of Illinois News Bureau.

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