Table of ContentsView AllTable of ContentsIntroverts vs. ExtrovertsWhat’s Behind the Attraction?What to ExpectHow to Set BoundariesRespecting Your Partner’s NeedsAre You an Introvert or Extrovert? Try the QuizWhat This Means for You

Table of ContentsView All

View All

Table of Contents

Introverts vs. Extroverts

What’s Behind the Attraction?

What to Expect

How to Set Boundaries

Respecting Your Partner’s Needs

Are You an Introvert or Extrovert? Try the Quiz

What This Means for You

Close

Introvert and extrovert relationships can face unique challenges, but you can make your relationship successful if you focus on understanding one another, setting boundaries, and communicating effectively.

If you’re anintrovert, don’t be surprised if you’re attracted to extroverts. Dating someone with a different way of approaching the world isn’t always easy. In some cases, your differences can lead to conflict and frustration if you don’t actively try to understand one another.

At a Glance

Understanding Introvert and Extrovert Relationships

Most extroverts thrive on engagement and enjoy being the center of attention in large crowds, which is an introvert’s nightmare. After being out in the world and engaging with others, most introverts want to go home, recharge their batteries, and avoid all social interaction.

The benefits of dating an extrovert can far outweigh the disadvantages, but only when partners are willing to communicate theirdifferencesand recognize their partners’ needs. Here are some things to keep in mind, if your partner is a true extrovert.

In popular internet culture (ie TikTok), the introvert and extrovert relationship is often referred to as theblack cat girlfriend/ golden retriever boyfriend dynamic, which shows these opposites really do attract.

8 Signs You Might Be an Introvert

Why Introverts Are Attracted to Extroverts

As an introvert, joining your extroverted partner on adventures can seem very exciting. Their energy motivates you to be expressive and conversational, and their boldness can be fun.

Meet the Introverted Extrovert, the Often Forgotten Personality Type

What to Expect in an Introvert/Extrovert Relationship

Extroverts bring many wonderful qualities to their relationships. They are known for being assertive, sociable, and enthusiastic,. They often bring positivity to any room they enter.

“Extroverts tend to be very gregarious and people-oriented,” saysCarla Marie Manly, PhD, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author ofDate Smart. “[They] often exude ‘big energy’ and thrive in social settings.”

You know you’re dating an extrovert if they exude the followingcharacteristics:

While extroverts tend to be engaging, talkative, and outgoing—all positive qualities—they can sometimes come across as aggressive, harsh, or conceited.

There are different levels of extroversion, and every human is different. Not all extroverts love to be thecenter of attention, for instance, though many do. Some extroverts tend to be adventurous, while others are more reserved.Your extroverted partner may or may not be the life of every party, but chances are they’ll want to stay until the very end.

Dating an extrovert can be really fun. They love engaging in conversations and desire a lot of social connection and activity. They often are well-connected, and bring people together.—MEREDITH PRESCOTT, LCSW, FOUNDER OF PRESCOTT PSYCHOTHERAPY + WELLNESS

Dating an extrovert can be really fun. They love engaging in conversations and desire a lot of social connection and activity. They often are well-connected, and bring people together.

—MEREDITH PRESCOTT, LCSW, FOUNDER OF PRESCOTT PSYCHOTHERAPY + WELLNESS

If you’re an extrovert, you likely act the same way. Together, you and your extroverted partner are likely to bring double the energy and fun to social gatherings, which can be positive, but also problematic.

“When two extroverts unite, the partnership can be fantastic,” says Dr. Manly, “[But] like two tornadoes coming at once, the dynamic energy can be a bit overwhelming to others and even the relationship itself.”

If you’re an extrovert dating an extrovert, you’ll need to focus on balance, Dr. Manly explains, which includes healthy, intimate couple time, as well as sleep and relaxation. If balance isn’t achieved, the couple can exhaust themselves and their relationship.

Personality Traits of Extroverts

How to Set Boundaries as an Introvert

Unlikeintroverts, extroverts thrive on other peoples' energy and often feel replenished after spending time with others. They don’t need much solitude and may even prefer to spend their down time hanging with their partner as opposed to being alone.

Communication is a critical factor in any relationship, but especially in introvert-extrovert relationships. If you’re an introvert, you’ll want to set boundaries with your partner and express your needs clearly so your partner can learn to accommodate them.

You may not be willing to attend a large, crowded concert, for example, or you may prefer to stay at a hotel when visiting family so you can have your own space to decompress.

Not every situation can be prepared for, so make sure you’re continuously communicating with your partner. You may have planned to meet up with your partner’s friends on Saturday morning, for example, but upon waking you decide you don’t have the energy for it. In this scenario, you might choose to stay home or go with the intention of only staying for an hour.

Are You an Extrovert or Introvert?

“True extroverts need social time nearly as much as they need food; without regular fueling doses social interactions, they can be sad, cranky, depressed, and irritable,” says Dr. Manly.

You may not want to do everything that your partner does, but remember their needs are different than yours. Give them the space to recharge. This could result in a daily walk around the neighborhood with a friend, a weekly breakfast with coworkers, or meeting up with family members on weekday evenings.

—MEREDITH PRESCOTT, LCSW

As an introvert, it may seem strange, but social interaction is just as important for extroverts as solitude is for you. When talking to your partner, make sure you address any concerns you have.

Make sure you’re open and honest with your partner about your feelings, and don’t be afraid to ask them questions to better understand their preferences.

Improving Your Relationships with Communication

If you’re wondering where on the scale of extroversion and introversion you fall, ourfast and free quizcan help you figure it out!

When both an introvert and extrovert are considerate of each other, the differences in their social needs may be a non-issue, but if an introvert is dating a self-absorbed or inconsiderate extrovert, the introvert’s need for downtime may be ignored, Dr. Manly says.

Ifboundariesare crossed, Dr. Manly explains, an introvert may become anxious and exhausted from the constant sense of being overwhelmed.

In any relationship, it’s important to pay attention to your own needs. Self-care is different for everyone and while compromising is often ahealthy aspect of a relationship, it shouldn’t result in changing yourself or your needs to suit your partner.

If you want to better understand your partner and strategize healthy ways to navigate your differences, consider finding acouple’s therapistwho can offer a knowledgeable third-party perspective.

Can a Relationship Between Two Introverts Work?

4 SourcesVerywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carla Marie Manly.DATE SMART: 33 Mindset Shifts to Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly.Familius; 2021.Walker DL.Extraversion – introversion.The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;4(1):159-163. doi:10.1002/9781119547143.ch28Feiler DC, Kleinbaum AM.Popularity, Similarity, and the Network Extraversion Bias.Psychological Science. 2015;26(5):593-603. doi:10.1177/0956797615569580Marti Olsen Laney, Laney ML.The Introvert & Extrovert in Love : Making It Work When Opposites Attract. New Harbinger Publications; 2007.

4 Sources

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.Carla Marie Manly.DATE SMART: 33 Mindset Shifts to Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly.Familius; 2021.Walker DL.Extraversion – introversion.The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;4(1):159-163. doi:10.1002/9781119547143.ch28Feiler DC, Kleinbaum AM.Popularity, Similarity, and the Network Extraversion Bias.Psychological Science. 2015;26(5):593-603. doi:10.1177/0956797615569580Marti Olsen Laney, Laney ML.The Introvert & Extrovert in Love : Making It Work When Opposites Attract. New Harbinger Publications; 2007.

Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read oureditorial processto learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy.

Carla Marie Manly.DATE SMART: 33 Mindset Shifts to Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly.Familius; 2021.Walker DL.Extraversion – introversion.The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;4(1):159-163. doi:10.1002/9781119547143.ch28Feiler DC, Kleinbaum AM.Popularity, Similarity, and the Network Extraversion Bias.Psychological Science. 2015;26(5):593-603. doi:10.1177/0956797615569580Marti Olsen Laney, Laney ML.The Introvert & Extrovert in Love : Making It Work When Opposites Attract. New Harbinger Publications; 2007.

Carla Marie Manly.DATE SMART: 33 Mindset Shifts to Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly.Familius; 2021.

Walker DL.Extraversion – introversion.The Wiley Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. 2020;4(1):159-163. doi:10.1002/9781119547143.ch28

Feiler DC, Kleinbaum AM.Popularity, Similarity, and the Network Extraversion Bias.Psychological Science. 2015;26(5):593-603. doi:10.1177/0956797615569580

Marti Olsen Laney, Laney ML.The Introvert & Extrovert in Love : Making It Work When Opposites Attract. New Harbinger Publications; 2007.

Meet Our Review Board

Share Feedback

Was this page helpful?Thanks for your feedback!What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback!

What is your feedback?HelpfulReport an ErrorOtherSubmit

What is your feedback?